Greetings you creepy jizz enthusiasts. My lord. It’s like it was the elephant in the room or something…One person finally mentions jizz overtly and suddenly it’s like a thirteen year old boy’s sock drawer in the comments section, as in, there’s jizz peppered into almost everything. Who knew? I mean, yeah, for sure, I get it. Jizz is the uh…main jam (pun intended) that makes the race carry on and it also indicates a successful blowjob or boobjob or butt or vagina job has been performed, and we all know guys are, for the most part, obsessed with their wangs and everything wang oriented, so yeah. It’s a rich topic, for sure, but wow. You guys are obsessed. But hey, that’s great. Any story involving semen is at least a little bit interesting. That’s why it’s so commonly sprayed around crime scenes in those police procedural shows. Yup. Semen, or Jizz, as it’s sometimes known, is to police procedurals what a big, bombastic chorus is to a Rise Against song: You pretty much need it in every one, and it’s the part you’ll wake up in the night thinking about.
Okay, I’m gonna leave all the talk of gargling jizz and wayward jizz to you guys for the remainder of the day…Lord knows I’d hate to step on any toes down there in the Sock Drawer (which is, if you didn’t know, the unofficial name of the comments section here at BSC), but let me end my prepared statement on jizz and jizz related activities by commenting on “drew”s comment yesterday. Drew, like so many of the rest of us engaged in a ‘whack off competition’ with a few buddies right there in his classroom under his desk in the sixth grade, and in a twist, he was caught and reprimanded.
This is, my man, SO very, very, very, very odd. That’s uh, I wouldn’t say sociopathic, because you were in sixth grade, but dude! Really? Fuuuuuuuuuuck. I mean, I’m no prude. I’ve played shows naked before, I’ve stood naked on the street and high fived cars driving by when the bulls won the NBA finals, and I’ve never EVER thought of doing anything like that. Also, it’s just a wee bit gay, which is really neither here nor there, by the way. Just saying, there is no situation where a bunch of dudes are whacking off while simultaneously thinking about other dudes whacking off (which is, just so we’re clear, what was happening…it was a CONTEST after all…that entails keeping tabs on one’s competition) does not constitute gay behavior. Now, again, because people are sensitive/stupid whatever….that’s cool. The gay part, at least, I have NO problem with at all. (I’m just more curious if you consider it gay as well, because, well, it is. It’s gay. But lots of dudes who do the whole ‘circle jerk’ thing tend to swear up and down that there’s nothing gay about it…Which is funny, and I don’t think I need to explain why) The rest, though…man, not really a fan. I mean, no two ways about it, if you were doing it as an overtly gay, overtly offensive completely disgusting way of brutally scarring a roomful of people, well, I gotta hand it to you, I bet you nailed it.
But hey, sixth grade, right? That’s just kids being kids or something…I dunno. I guess maybe I am a prude. I just hope I never have to have the talk with my kid about why public masturbation is for park district bathrooms and not the classroom.
Okay, enough about penises.
Now I’m gonna talk about music, my surrogate penis. Firstly, the song I started yesterday is now finished. It’s called “Inglorious Decay” which I think is a pretty metal title for a song that mentions Wild Turkey by name. I think it’s good, but you never really know until you lay down a demo or practice it, so we’ll see…Also, our show at the Metro was announced, and honestly, I had no idea it was even booked until I saw it listed on Metro’s website. It’s our ten year anniversary show, and it marks our third consecutive October show in Chicago, which I’m looking forward to immensely. As I mentioned before, there’s gonna be a lot of awesome pomp and circumstance surrounding the show, including giveaways and a chance for you all to vote on what songs you want to hear. This isn’t set up yet, so don’t bother telling me your choices now, but it’s gonna generally work like this: We’re gonna set up an email addy and you can send in your votes and after the top three requests, the top, I dunno, four songs from each record will get played…something like that. That’s only for the Chicago date that we’re doing that. And yes, that means that there will be more dates. Nothing huge, but things are stirring down at team Lawrence Arms. As of now there are six(?) new songs. Maybe seven already…I say that as though it hasn’t been three years. Hey, I have a life beyond just crapping out cheesy jams about barfing and loving each other despite our flaws, you know? I also have to wipe baby asses, keep up with what’s hot in the porn industry and serve burgers to mongaloid ex fratboys. Oh, and write about jizz. Can’t forget that.