Monday, October 18, 2010

and it begins again...

So yeah. It’s Monday. This weekend found me editing a movie and seeing a bunch of Canadian grandpas play aggressively weird music better than anyone else on earth could ever hope to do. I had a wonderful weekend where I made the seasonal switch from vodka to whiskey, which is always a special day of the year and I balanced that out with a trip to the apple orchard with my kids.
Funny place, the apple orchard. Turns out it’s full of hillbillies and ugly fatsos and shit. The shirts on motherfuckers alone were worth the price of admission (which was a buck). “I’m having an out of money experience’ says this fat woman’s lime green triple XL shirt. “No money, no car, no job (thank god I’m so good looking)” said the jersey of a teen father with a goatee and some of those gold chains that you get in the red, turn-the-knob-for-a-quarter vending machines in the vestibule at the grocery store. I saw a real live juggalo and more people around my age identifying themselves as “grandma” than I’d ever thought possible in one place. It was a right crazy scene, bro.

My kid got to pet a cow (which was actually a request he’d made on the way to the orchard. “Cowfarm?” He asked. “Pet cow?” “uh…not sure there’s gonna be any cows out here amongst the apples, buddy” was the response. Well, there were cows, and he got to pet the shit out of this one. Nice one.) Also we saw some pigs. Not just the human kind, either. Real, honest to god pigs. They were cute as shit (they were referred to as “puppies” by my kid) and we generally had a pretty good time. Oh, did I mention that the orchard was plumb out of apples? Yeah. No apples. My kid wanted an apple and he ended up with a donut. That’s parenting, folks. Good, responsible parenting.

So, after this blissful weekend of productivity and family goodness, I get here to my desk, plug in my information machine and the first item I read is about the German Chancellor deciding that immigrants in Germany need to learn to speak German and adopt Christian values, which, uh…really? That’s the position that you’re taking, Germany? Hmmmm.

I mean, there’s a few issues hear that bear addressing here, right? Like, for one thing, no one even speaks German in Germany anymore. Walk through the mall and every sign for every store is in English. Talk to any German over the age of thirty five and they’ll tell you the same thing: the German language is dying. Germans learn to speak English from the time they start school and god knows that most people I’ve encountered in Germany speak better English than me. If there’s a linguistic issue in Germany, it’s not primarily the Turks coming in and refusing to learn German, it’s the Americanization of every aspect of commerce and social interaction that’s been put in place in order to raise German kids in a world where the notion of speaking German seems more and more useless.

But that’s relatively minor compared to the uh, other issue that this whole thing raises. Namely, um, Germany, you guys think you’re really ready to get all serious on your religious minority that’s ‘overrunning’ your country? Didn’t that move not really work out so well for you guys not that long ago? I mean, I dig. I’ve been to Germany and it’s very nice. The women are beautiful, the beer is delicious. Sausage is a main thing that you eat. There's old lady shit-fetish-gangbang porn. There are clubs where you can just go put on a leather hood and fuck random people. There’s great art and architecture from all over the world (almost as thought someone went around the world and took whatever they wanted and then brought it all back to Berlin or something) It’s a paradise. But Germany, bro…learn from the past and all that. I mean, saying things like “Multiculturalism has failed in Germany” is pretty serious and extremely myopic and well…just a little bit reminiscent of something that I can’t quite put my finger on right now, but let’s just say it seems kind of fucked up. Can we all agree on that?

Besides, hands down the best looking woman I’ve ever seen in Germany was a Turk. She had a monstrous nose and was the bartender at some club we played a bunch of years ago. That’s really neither here nor there, but just saying. Lay off the Turks a little. They’ve got those fucking shwarma stands and shit. That’s delicious food. It goes wonderfully with DAB. That’s multiculturalism at it’s best! It’s not all fussin and fightin, is it?

I dunno. After that trip to the orchard I see the argument for cleaning up society a little bit, believe me. BUT, I’m not sure that Germany’s thought this one through. Or maybe they have. They’ve presumably learned from past mistakes, right?
Oh jesus. Probably shouldn’t even go there.
That reminds me though, I think “Donkey Shame” is a great name for a band. Thoughts?

22 comments:

dustyfloors said...

I want to pet a cow.

Random Jerk said...

I agree that Germany is expressing some sort of subtle form of fascism, maybe thats a little harsh, more like ethnocentrism. Much like yourself I have traveled europe, and i noticed this is common place in many European communities. Germany is the only one to really openly speak about it. It seems like the immigration of muslims throughout Europe has become, or maybe always has, a point of contention. I agree that every country should enjoy multiculturalism like we do in the United States. But i have to wonder why these people have so much hate for the Muslims? Is it really because of some bullshit that happened a long time ago during the Ottoman Empire or is it something deeper. I don't know, just some thoughts.

FranklinStein said...

Sooooo, denkst du, dass Deutsch stirbt, ja? GROßER Fehler!!!

Maximilian said...

i really don't know if i should comment on this one, cause it will sound wrong no matter what i say, and just because i'm too stupid to find the right words. for everyone who doesn't know, i'm from germany.

well... i don't know if everything got spread around the world. i think the whole new debate started with some politician called sarrazin. he has a fucked up weird mind and is a complete fascist asshole. i mean that dude wrote a book where he says stuff like there's a specific gene for jews.

and yeah, that dude started the new process. of course there was always some people who talked about those topics, but now it's everywhere.

i don't have a tv right now in my new place so i don't really know about that "chancellor decided......" stuff, but i think it's only a debate about that it would be necessary for integration. i don't care about chrsitian values. but damn, it would be nice if people would speak german or english, at least one of those. i don't know. i think if you want a job in a foreign country you should be able to communicate. so speak at least a little bit of the language there, or english.

i fully agree on the part about that german is a dying language. and i've got totally no problem with that. but it will still take time till it really happens.

damn.... i know allready that i didn't get the point of what i really wanted to say. language barriers. huh.

Matt Ramone said...

So I heard you were playing some sort of festival in January.

Candice said...

i still love you, max.

Sean said...

hahaha, scat parties.

Word Verification: cowingra

... what are the fucking odds?

Drew said...

"Germany is the only one to really openly speak about it."--Random Jerk

Nah, man. It's a pretty consistent trend in many western European countries right now (e.g. France and the Roma expulsion, Sweden's staunch anti-muslim immigration laws, etc.). In fact it's a consistent theme in most western, modernist cities in general. However, Germany's track record of the past century sets it apart from many of its other contemporaries, and needs to be very careful about how it continues this xenophobic agenda. A lot of neo-nazi rhetoric is currently on the rise in Germany (http://www.dwworld.de/dw/article/0,,5939883,00.html), and if the government persists in these blatantly discriminatory discourses, it could proliferate the many negative stereotypes of Germany, that many German citizens and Antifa movements have fought hard against over the past 50 years.

BEEXtrix Potter said...

Anyone had the privilege of seeing this yet? An employee of my sister's bookshop (and longtime friend) introduced me the other day - it takes a lot to make me laugh but this fit the bill!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=scyGo7tkC4I

It's A-me, Martucci said...

Ryan Manno's TOP 3 ALBUMZ (per jbtv.com):

"311 - Music
Alkaline Trio - Goddamnit
Fort Minor - The Rising Tied


Yea o-k Ryan lulz

It's A-me, Martucci said...

"Fuck yea first time I heard alkaline trio I was like yeeeeeeah, this shit is like, diiiiiiiiffrent n shit ya know??"

Toto said...

@Maximilian : i totally get you when you say language barriers, i mean, as a spanish speaking person myself i can barely make my point across half the time on here.

all the time, after reading BK's posts i feel like i've got something great to say (not really)and when i start typing on the comment box here i end up making a mess of incoherent words and sentences and deleting (deleting?) it.

i did 2 years of English language before dropping out of school, i totally regret it(dropping out).
anyway, i've learn a few words on here, excitiing new words like "schlong", and verbs like "boning" or "taking a rape shower".

shoo gays! said...

well....I jus don't know bout all this germany nonsense but donkeysshame iz funny cuz it makes me thank of those curazee donkeys shows that ladies jus suck and do stuff at donkeys and thaaaats wald stuff...its wrong stuff.but it do make me laff.so yea.yea.donkeysshame.yea.its not gay though sometimes..

Toto said...

And it's not only in Germany, the whole Europe is really intolerant and dismissive when it comes to letting Latin americans like myself into their continent,
they won't let you pass the airport without some kind of rough interrogation about your money, place of stay, hotel reservations, touring course planned, why, when and how,etc, and most of all YOUR LOOKS.
i know lots of folks here that had everything inmigration officers asked for but were ultimately sent back here because they did't like their "face-skin color-clothes" whatever.
and that REALLY sucks , that REALLY REALLY sucks.
i remember asking this friend of mine : "hey, how was Italy?" to what he said : "i don't know, but they have a really nice airport".

bdt22405 said...

donkey shame?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uUryeDLpY_c&feature=related

just trying to stay on topic here.

thank you.

shoo gays! said...

awww shit itz just one uh them ole crazy wurd trick plays.nah,I change mah mindn then.I dont like bein played with.I change mah mind.Hell I aint even in the bowwery arms intellectuulle punkers er nothin and I bet if i try reaaaal fuckin hard I can come up with a better word play den thaaaat...... no?iownt liiike bein fingered in ok....sean wutz the sheet with u?go take a purty Itailyn gurly to watch facebook network and stop slummin round with these here fuggaloz!!!

kylewagoner said...

I have cows that live about 50 yards from my house. We don't have our own because my mom says they're a bitch to keep in. Also, I sigh at knowing Chicago got its dose of Propagandhi...but my shit little town's getting Cobra Skulls! Wooo! My verification is "join god"...

Jerky said...

It's not just germany. We in Switzerland banned muslims from building minarets on their mosques, in a public vote - if that's not a sign of some deeper xenophobia...

English's on the rise, definitely. But not everyone knows it as well as they claim, which leads to some funny stuff. A company once advertised their brand new 'body bags'. They thought it would be a cool word for rucksack. Well. Or, wait, is it? Is BK maybe singing about coming home after a backpacking trip round the world in 'quincentuple'? I'm confused...

txemita! said...

There's a little xenophobia going on the streets right now, here in Spain, too; the crisis is just a good excuse for it (even if it's totally unjustified)
By the way, shoo gays, that show is called "tijuana donkey show", which is a good name for a band, too
-tx!.

txemita! said...

Jerky, I just can say... xDDDD
-tx!.

NiNa said...

I'm from Germany and I gotta say that this whole discussion we have at the moment in Germany about integration and all just drives me crazy.
I think what's going on right know is just so hypocritical. I mean of course there are still a lot of immigrants that are living in Germany for ages that don't speak German but that's because they don't need to. It's the same thing with Germans who move to Mallorca or Thailand or wherever. They live in their communities without speaking a single word of Spanish or Thai or whatever because they just don't have to.
I don't know it's kind of frustrating to hear these German politicians or other people like Sarrazin talking like this. I mean we still have this huge problem with right wing extremism, damn neo nazis and all and to hear all these people talk like this doesn't really help.
But about this adopting Christian values thing I've heared a pretty good comment from a German FDP-politician (which is a bit surprising because I actually don't like him) who said that religion isn't about countries, it is about people and everyone should be free to practise the religion he or she wants.
So yeah at the moment there are many crazy people talking a lot of shit in Germany but fortunately there are also still a lot of people who don't agree with that shit. It's kind of a never ending story I guess...

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