Wednesday, March 9, 2011

the stars at night are big and briiiiiiight....

SO, this weekend I’m headed deep into the heart of BBQ and 3 liter sodas to hop some fences, run from some bouncers and see some movies. That’s right, I’m going to Texas: Austin, Texas to be exact, where the belt buckles are big, the mustaches hang low and once in a blue moon or two, a few vast worlds of nerds convene to show movies, watch movies, do key bumps in bathroom stalls, negotiate blowjobs and generally do whatever it is that needs to get done to get a piece of shit movie off the ground, and I’m doing it without any badges or credentials, just a pair of running and climbing shoes and my fartastic charm.

It’s the SXSW film festival, not to be confused with the music festival, which is, I guess, more famous (although, I could be wrong about that. I tend to have a fairly myopic view of popular culture as someone who’s spent a lot of time in the music industry. It’s completely likely that the film festival is a bigger deal than the music part [though I kind of doubt it, because music festivals in general tend to be bigger spectacles than film festivals…or am I being from LA again {this is a reference to the geographical knowledge that people from LA tend to possess, which essentially entails knowing that SF is above, Mexico and SD are below, and everything else is on the east coast, hence the conversation I have EVERY time I’m in LA which goes like this:
THEM: where are you from?
ME: Chicago.
THEM: Wow…East coaster, eh?
ME: *extended sigh, slight feeling of unearned, unwarranted superiority*}?
It’s quite possible that I’m underestimating film festivals in general because I’ve never been to one before. I have, however, been to more music festivals than I bet Lou Pearlman’s gonna have to go to in his brimstone filled afterlife, so I DO know a thing or two about those….Anyway, let’s move along, shall we?]) and I’m going down there because a few people I know are premiering movies and have invited me along, and since I’m in the final stages of finishing up a movie myself, I figured, what better way to prepare myself for the grueling, eternal glory hole that is breaking into Hollywood than to shoot down to a film festival and try to be charming around all these various gatekeepers/people who have already sucked their quota of dicks and gotten in?

Now, I’m no idiot (this is debatable). I’ve been invited to some cool afterparties and the people I’m meeting up with down there seem to be somewhat important. They’re directors that make big movies that people see, and they’re gonna kind of take me around a little, so I’m not gonna be one of those dipshits with a stack of DVD’s just wandering in and out of movie theaters or trying to toss them to directors or producers as they walk by on the other sides of some velvet ropes or what have you…I’m gonna have some access to the insider parties and shit like that, and I’ve recruited a friend who’s a local and extremely well liked member of the Austin bar/music/movie scene who seems to think he’ll probably know the people working the doors of the parties that I CAN’T get into…and that’s everything I’ve got. I have no credentials of any kind besides being on a guest list or two, and that’s gonna make shit kind of interesting.

See, being with the right people is important, and looking like you know what you’re doing and like you’re supposed to be wherever you’re trying to get to is also important. I’ve got those things (kind of) going on, and that should work some of the time, but the rest of the time, I’m gonna have to get a little sneaky, which is pretty fun/scary to think about. Essentially, I’m headed down to Austin with no place to stay, no credentials for this festival and nothing but a vague idea of what to do when I get there, besides try to sneak into events and be overwhelmingly awesome. I’m gonna be wearing those pants that have a breatheable window for my nuts to hang out of (which ladies seem to adore), and I’ve got a few funny anecdotes about 9-11, the holocaust, abortion and religion that should really sort out who’s cool and who’s square…so things are about as ready to go as they’re gonna be over here, y’all.

But shit, I started writing this movie almost two years ago…maybe it’s even been over two years at this point…and now it’s almost done and it’s super exciting to try to move on to the next step, which is overcoming the crushing and overwhelming lack of interest the powers that be will have in watching it. Once we surmount that obstacle though, there’s the next step, which is even better…I’ve worked on this shit for 2 years. Not a day has gone by when I haven’t thought about it in some way. Many days I’ve spent dawn til dusk thinking, sweating, toiling and worrying about this movie and it’s gonna take someone an hour and a half to sit there, watch the whole thing and go “it sucks,” and that’ll be the end of it.

Eh…pretty rad. Anyway, if you’re in Austin and you’re super cool, lets meet up and you can help me get over a few fences or buy me some beer or bring me a tarp to sleep on.

Ah, what a magical journey this is shaping up to be!

20 comments:

Donnie said...

You better find a way to sneak into the Pee Wee Herman Q&A!

Cwell said...

Here's a fun fact, the annoying slogan "Don't mess with Texas" that everyone has plastered all over down there is an anti-littering campaign. Kind of ironic with the whole oil stockpiling problem they have. Have fun in Texas.

Priscilla Rose said...

Hey Bren,
You should check out the Dadcore documentary Saturday at Alamo S. Lamar; you are in fact an expert in the field. Meet you at the bar for shots!

jbody said...

a while back robb or one of his numerous alters (which breex cutely seems to think are a number of different funny ass larryarms fans,baaaaaaaaah!)wuz sayin beex look liked niche actor tom savini.now I thought to myself at the time "robb,u beeeeein a faaaggot"........robb,u bein a arcane mooooovie faaaaggot"naw dawg i was fucking wrong,beexs last two twitter profile pics prove that no two folks have ever really looked more alike....

Candice said...

good luck!

freepizzafourlife said...

Ben Weasel wrote a song about you on his new album?!

It's A-Me, Martucci said...

"And don't you dare call me a clown/I'll have my lawyer shut your website down" ...yup that sounds like tyyyyypical Brendan...siiiiiigh.....

Anyway this would all be most irritating on Ben's part if it weren't so fundamentally sad first n foremost. That having been said, fairly catchy, not-horrible tune, sonically speaking.

It's A-Me, Martucci said...

But yea I've seriously lost count of the number of sites Bren's lawyers have had shut down at this point. It's gotta be in the low teens

jbody said...

"toby said your weiner's tini/and you look like tom savini"...he actually nailed ya with that line dawg.lets be real he got ya there.you do look like tom savini.its a small miracle ben didnt slant rhyme slob with blog.ya know?the title is fucking hilarious!

jakegreen said...

so, your movie, when it's done am i going to be able get it on DVD, unlike another DVD you're involved with that i've been very patiently waiting for?

Robb said...

jbody - I believe I made that assertion as myself, not as virtual visor or any of my other amazing creations. FTR I do think BK will age better than Savini however, and if they were bros or cousins he'd be considered 'the handsome one' by random survey

It's a real shame I forgot my login info for Francis Pendulum Breasts...aww did I spoil the magic on that one?

jbody said...

naw he'd be considered the "less famous one"

jbody said...

but yeah waaay cuter

solarsonar said...

Sounds awesome. Good luck.

Sean said...

hm.... i finally get that line in "Queen of Pain"...

Sean said...

..... well, not really...

Sean said...

The first time I heard Against Me! was a burned CD-R of the random acoustic songs off the acoustic ep, crime, and reinventing. But this wasn't just any ordinary mix. For some reason, all the audio (acoustic guitar/vocals) was slightly sped up, and one "step" (fret?) higher than the normal versions....

... I prefer these versions. They sounds more.... personal...

Sean said...

.... i miss the old Record Breakers and their amazing "used cd bins".....

himself570 said...

Just listened to the song. It's called Little Big Man. Honestly I think it's stupid for him to attack you on his new record...Especially when he would be considered the higher-up, not in my opinion as of now. Just keep doing your thing, Ben Weasel isn't going to take out the Lawrence arms.

Nadz said...

It's a fucking great tune actually. Gratz Beex, you made it! How does it feel? :D