gluga gluga gluga

Not a lot of time today. I got a good advice query that I think I can handle though.

Q: Hey Beex, when can I start asking my girlfriend to blow me again? We had a kid almost a year ago and so far- nothing. I’m dying over here. We live together and we still have sex semi-regularly, but I miss the bj. She says she’s tired all the time. She reads the bad sandwich every day. maybe she’ll listen to you. Don’t let me down!
Thanks.

A: Wow. Now, ladies and gentlemen, THIS is what this here blog is for. Our buddy here isn’t getting BJ’s but he’s still getting laid. Not the end of the world, but it’s a pickle, for sure. It’s a pickle that probably every man in a long term relationship has dealt with at least for a while here and there. It’s also, on the flipside, the source of the whining, completely unsexy and therefore pretty unblowable boyfriend that every woman in a long term relationship has probably dealt with for at least a while here and there. This shit becomes self fulfilling, and not just when it comes to blowjobs. I’ve been in relationships where the boning just stops. Any attempt to get to the source of why the boning stops just pushes the person who’s cruelly withholding the boning further and further away. It’s, to a point, the difference between the way men and women bargain, but that’s not all, and that’s not what’s going on here, either. Just throwing it all out there to get started.
Okay, on to this specific issue. Firstly, your girlfriend had a kid. That means, unless you guys are super young or already up to your necks in kids, that she’s probably got a new body, a new self image and a whole new set of responsibilities. That’s gonna have an effect on someone’s feelings of self confidence which will, in turn have an effect on how someone acts while getting their hump on. It’s not just reasonable to give space to someone who’s going through huge adjustments like that, it’s pretty much the only decent thing to do. I mean, she blew out her guts and clam squeezing out your fucking kid, for fucks sake. Beat off for a while, you selfish bastard.
Now, that being said, you’ve got a whole new set of responsibilities too. You too are tired all the time and I’m guessing that before you had this baby, you were probably getting bj’s on at least a semi regular basis, right? Sure. Otherwise why complain now? Okay, so here you are with a kid and you’re tired and suddenly, on top of everything, your bedroom routine is all switched up too. The reasons are pretty unassailable (see the paragraph above) but it’s a bummer. Well, it should be, and here’s why:
You’re stuck with her now. You’ve got a kid. You probably entered into this commitment with an idea of how the fucking was and was going to be. Now that you’re roped in, for her to change the rules on you is not just fucked up, it’s misleading and borderline cruel. Sure, she’s tired. Sure her needs are different. Sure. BUT this shit’s a two way street. You’re tired too. Your needs are still there. Just because hers have changed doesn’t mean that yours suddenly go away. That’s not how shit works. Relationships involve compromise, be it heading to bed bath and beyond, pretending to like your boyfriends shitty band, dealing with parents and even (gasp!) giving the occasional beej while sleepy AND/OR going without the occasional beej when horny. It’s fucking KEY that you give and take like this, and communicate, man. Otherwise, you’re just gonna get resentful, and so’s she. And that’s not a recipe for exciting banging and beejing at ALL. That’s the recipe for cheating and disaster.
Now, if I can address the lady in question here (presuming that this dude is telling the truth about his girl’s fealty to the BSC cannon): Listen up! You’re not sick of giving blowjobs. I know this. Want me to prove it? Okay, think about this, if you were suddenly single and out with say, brad pitt or that fucking vampire dude or one of the Jonas brothers or that one waiter from the place you go for lunch or will smith or whoever blows your hair back, and shit started getting exciting, you’d blow him. Maybe just as a warm up, but you know it’d happen. If you were suddenly single and out there dating and shit started getting serious, you’d blow the dude. You’re sick of blowing THIS ONE PENIS, and that’s lame. Not fair. Boning and the trappings of boning should be fun and exciting, not some chore. And yeah, shit gets stale. That’s why it’s IMPORTANT AS HELL TO KEEP SHIT SPICEY! And listen good: that spice: blowjobs and the like, is a LOT more conducive to stable relationships and keeping people together than anything else on the earth. Think about it: People have kids to keep marriages together all the time, and how well does that work? Not at all. Conversely, people who CAN’T STAND each other still wind up going back for more and more great boning. It’s simple science. Therefore, talk, communicate make him wash his balls or whatever, and get back in there. You gotta, man.
Wow, who knew I’d come down on the side of blowjobs? I even surprise myself sometimes.
Anyway, everyone, here’s your homework. Get out there and blow someone (my parents are exempt from this assignment). You’ll be glad you did.
Good luck everyone!