put the fucking lotion in the fucking basket!

I don’t know what the fuck just happened. I got home and I lost my keys and my ATM card. How is that possible? I’m so pissed off. Oh, lord. This is the kind of thing that makes me see red. I hate automated phone menus, I hate feeling like a complete idiot with no keys and no ATM card. I have to work and then I’m going out of town, so there’s no possible time for me to even fix this bullshit. I’ve got the bank's hold music on speaker phone, as though that somehow makes it less unfuckingbearable. Why do they need to insert advertisements and shit into every five seconds of the hold music? In fact, why even have hold music? Just have a shrill voice going CHAAAAAAAAAASE BAAAAAAAANK HAAAAAAS FEEEEEATURES! PREEEEEEEEEEEPARE TOOOOOO BEEEEEEE EEEEEVEN MOOOORE FUCKING ANNOYED! I think I’d appreciate the honesty. I don’t ever lose things. In fact, before my baby was born, I never EVER lost anything. I broke stuff, and had stuff stolen from me, but I never lost anything. Since little dude, I’ve lost my keys 3 times and this is my second ATM card. At least it was a temporary card. Actually, I don’t know if that’s any better. Losing the keys is a bitch, a real fucking bitch. I lost my key to my bike lock, and the house and the storage areas. MAN!!!! FUCK!!!!!! I’m so angry right now, it’s such a fucking nightmare!
Oh man, so I got out of my writing class and it was raining. I thought, I’m gonna ride slow and take the train if it gets crazy. Well, it proved to be too wet and slick to ride, so I headed for the train, but I only had a twenty, so I went to the store full of gangbangers to get some cheetos. Well, I guess that all the in and out action in my dumb pockets of my dumb pants that are too tight for me to have my entire wallet in shook my atm card loose. Man, I’m pissed. Have I mentioned that? Well, I scarfed the cheetos on the train and then got off to realize that everything was gone. I even looked through the fucking garbage at the train station. Nothing but a handful of half drool, half mister pibb.
My wife just got home. She lost her keys too. AAARGH!