hey now!

Holy shit, man. Yesterday’s sock drawer contained the best comment ever. From a german guy talking about their version of American Idol. Here it is.

“man.... as i'm a german i don't know that much about howard stern. but what i know about him and the german version of american idol makes me think we would need someone like him as well... i mean most people here watch that shit cause the judges are really offensive to the people and talk shit all the time.”

Now, you know why this is funny? I’ve mentioned the German compliment before, where, if you’re in Germany doing pretty much anything that could possibly warrant praise, you’ll be told something that’s horribly wrong with you along with any compliment you may receive. So, therefore “you are my favorite band” becomes “wow, you are my favorite band but I did not realize you were so fat” and “That was a good show” becomes “You know, I loved that show. Too bad the album is so terrible” and “I’d like a tshirt” becomes “do you know why no one wants a tshirt from you? Because you were terrible tonight. But I will take one anyway.”
You get the idea. This is not me making something up. It’s true. Serious. Everyone who’s played a show in germany will attest to this, and THAT my friends is what makes this whole comment up above so fucking funny.
Okay, in this country, the reason they want howard stern to replace Simon is because Simon is honest. He’s not actually mean. He’s just honest. He’s not cruel. He’s also not cool. He’s not clever. He’s just honest. And that’s fine. Howard is also honest. That’s why the show wants him. He’s also clever and smart, and that’s why the mongos of the land DON’T want him.
But, see. The point is, Simon, as the honest one, fills a role. The role of ‘the only one who is willing to say someone sucks’. Everyone else just gives this old “you did the best you could” kind of bullshit ‘everybody pitches, everybody hits everybody wins’ crap that’s turning America into a land of litigious, entitled, talentless, spoiled pussies. Simon is THE ONLY person on that panel who doesn’t do that. That’s because he’s British. He’s not indoctrinated into the cult of mass-perfection that arises by treating failure like the ideal and rewarding mediocrity as the pinnacle of success because it’s nice and middle of the road and doesn’t ruffle any feathers. And howard isn’t like that either.
The thing IS, that, as we discussed before, Germans are already famous for insulting along with their compliments. OF COURSE they’re gonna be extra harsh when they don’t like something. I mean, guess I never thought of Germans as stern or mean or heartless and calculating before, but now that you mention it, I can see where someone would maybe get that impression. Hilarious.
Oh man.
Speaking of sweeping cultural stereotypes, I’ve recently been turned onto this thing. Apparently, black people think that white people, by and large, smell like wet dogs, but they don’t mention it. From what I’ve heard, it’s some kind of massive, race-wide secret. They will even deny it when you ask. My friend in Richmond has been asking his black friends and coworkers if he smells like wet dogs and he’s gotten somewhere in the neighborhood of 100% “you aren’t supposed to know about that” replies. How’s that for strange? I’ve asked a few of my buddies, but they just went “huh? Right now? I don’t really think so. You smell like laundry.” So maybe it’s a southern thing. I dunno. It’s pretty strange though. Have you heard of this? Black folk? Care to weigh in?
I mean, if this is true, and word of this secret gets out, the next thing you know, we white folks are gonna have to tell black people about our dog/white people shared baths that we all take all the time.
And that would be pretty weird too.