Monday, April 25, 2011

I got some druuuuuuuuuuuuuuugs in my sooooocks!

Well, this weekend was exciting. I accompanied my buddy out to the O’hare Marriot where he (and to a MUCH lesser extent, I) interviewed, hung out with, and ate dinner with Los Tigres Del Norte, who, for those of you who aren’t Mexican, are one of the biggest bands in the world. The whole thing was a truly bizarre experience, made even more bizarre by the fact that they were such nice, awesome guys. They were engaging and attentive, asking lots of questions about my band and when they’d tell a story about, for example, a weirdo tour bus driver, they seemed genuinely interested in my own ancillary anecdotes about weirdo bus drivers. Not really what I’d expect from a bunch of dudes that are, in some places, more famous than Bono.

No one in dining in the hotel restaurant looked twice at these dudes, and we probably looked like quite a squad: three older Mexican dudes in really sharp velvety suits, a dirty punk and a European journalist in a blazer and Adidas. The conversation was pretty fluid, considering the differences in age/status/everything in the world that were on the table, and while I’m not gonna go into what we talked about (after all, it’s my buddy’s interview, not mine) I will say that the highlight for me was when we all got up to head to the show and the cooks and busboys all came out from the kitchen and swarmed the dudes for autographs.

That night, we went to the show at the Aragon, which is a 5k seater, a very small show for the Tigres, (every labor day they do 20 thousand people in Chicago, and they’ve sold out the Azteca in Mexico City which holds a dick-exploding 120,000) one that they called a ‘dance,’ and it was totally a dance. People on the floor and in the balconies were paired up, dancing by the thousands, packed together in the tightest crowd I’ve ever seen at the Aragon. The girls were all dressed up, vaguely slutty was about average, and the dudes were in cowboy hats, fancy jeans, boots and button up shirts with all sorts of shit emblazoned all over them. We mostly hung by the upstairs bar, drinking beer and watching from above, the two only white people in the place, and kind of marveled at how totally we were immersed in this culture of what’s known as narcocorrido, which is, and I’m not shitting you here, German style polka music, played by Mexican dudes, with lyrics all about cartels, drug deals, smuggling and murder. It’s insane. And the whole genre was invented by Los Tigres Del Norte.

Rumors abound that some of the newer musicians, like the main support act from the other night, actually work on retainer or at least are funded on a project-to-project basis by the cartels themselves. What this means, is they (allegedly) get paid by these drug kingpins in central and south America to write songs about certain cartels, and even certain guys and specific smuggling missions that got pulled off, and also about how the other, enemy cartels are inferior at smuggling/have small dicks/whatever.

This can get pretty ugly and in fact a lot of times these dudes wind up getting killed by the opposing cartels. These songs, apparently sometimes are used as a soundtrack to youtube videos of hitmen carrying out murders. The whole thing is pretty wild, it’s insanely high stakes songwriting for one thing, and for another thing, it’s WAY more gangster than any gangster rap. These songs are literally dangerous and these dudes are really being snuffed out and, well…it’s pretty crazy when you consider the way the music sounds and the dudes who are playing it.

Every band I saw play that night (and I guess it’s important to mention that Los Tigres are not affiliated with any sort of illegal organization. They just write songs, and stay out of politics) was wearing matching skin tight denim jumpsuits. There were lots of cowboy hats and spangly boots on stage. Rhinestones were everywhere. Each band had matching back patches that made the whole thing look kind of like a roller disco. One of the bands had a tuba player who rocked a mosaic tuba that was covered in all sorts of reliefs of diamonds and flowers and Frida Kahlo type shit, and every band featured, at its heart, an accordion. It was so un-badass, in terms of what I’ve been raised to be cautious around that it was almost comical. But, make no mistake, these are probably the most bad ass musicians on the planet. It reminds me of the Maori a little bit.

It’s said, and I’ve seen pics, though I’ve never been to NZ, that the Maori tend to wear things like baby blue short shorts and pink tanktops, and that they’d undoubtedly be mercilessly teased for their clothes if it wasn’t for the fact that they’re all huge monsters who could, and will happily pummel the shit out of just about anyone for any reason at all. These narcocorrido dudes weren’t dressed like AC Slater, but they were undeniably dressed like backup dancers for the Jackson 5 or something. And despite the fact that the subject matter of the lyrics was pretty dark, the music is unabashedly upbeat sounding. The whole thing was weird and awesome and it was a great experience, that left me with the buzzing of an accordion stuck in my head and a desire to get some rad cowboy boots.

Speaking of rock shows in big rooms, my band is playing with the Dead Milkmen at the Congress this weekend. Come out and have some fun. We’re gonna do something pretty special for our set, something we’ve never done before and will maybe never do again, so if you’re on the fence, you should probably head down. I promise water cooler talk the next day.
Okay, I’m gonna go to an appliance parts warehouse and try to find a new timer for my washing machine, so I’ll see you dipshits later.
Ta.

32 comments:

bill_stickers said...

I have no idea where you got your ideas about Maoris from, but they're pretty wildly inaccurate.

It's A-Me, Martucci said...

Ben Foster, yay or nay/Ben foster, yay or nay/Ben foster yay or nay/Ben foster, look, I don't play/Ben foster--would u or wouldn't u???/ben foster--would u or wouldn't u??/ben foster--would u nor wouldn't u?? ben foster--actor vs. 'midgepoo' prob my best work yet

It's A-Me, Martucci said...

"Bren sometimes I play but fuckin know that I love you" holy fuck

Matt Ramone said...

I hope that big surprise is putting your dick in Dan Andriano's back pocket.

It's A-Me, Martucci said...

Classic stuff, pussy-ass Matt Ramone!

It's A-Me, Martucci said...

Have you ever savored a Latina stink-hole Matt?

It's A-Me, Martucci said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jbody said...

could somebody work out a percentage representing how much more comfortable patrick costello is in his own skin than beex is in his?/?///.?work out.i can be duuuumb.than beeex...thaaaaan beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeex.los los nostreeee,loslosl.fucking shit."paddy costello--the effortless beeex".be a good t shirt.ah,fuck you guys."patrick costello-his hypothetical blog is 12 percent funnier than bsc"with the beextrix graphic on front.come on u fucks!

Sean said...

Hahaha.... "latin stink hole".....

Robb said...

Ohh shut the fuck up, bill stickers.

Eric said...

haha robb some day i would like to party with you

Bury my Latina stink-hole at Wounded Knee said...

beex rap, take a step, hurr it goes, her it goes X4 Take a breath, chill out, man FUCK these guys/take a breath, chillax, man FUCK these guys/anonymous fucks fat off of fuckin' meat-pies/jealous o' me n my world tour fame/cant stand the heat? get outta the game/nah nah just playin but the shit's all the same/my payload requires a fuckin gantry crane/fuck matt, fuck matt, fuck these internet fanz/fuck all their blog comments, schemes, n planz/shit's old, rise above, take flight like a dove/this internet fame fits me like a glove/yall talk shit cuz u desperate, plain n simple/i invented a drink in '05 called 'cham-pitbull'/cuz im beex n i got bigger fish i'm a' fry/decked out in all white sippin on my Mai tai/the money, the fame, the bitches, the blu-rays/I laugh when my kids say "oo you got coo-tayz"/but back to the wealth, fuck a crane, i just swim in it/ dan andriano's lisp? HA str8 up effeminate/but these fanz drive me crazy, I don' WANT it no more/the questions, stories, advice, it's a chore/sometime I need MY space, just chill take a breather/secret iPod track, "fine again" by Seether/the pressure, the bitches, the agents, the fame/sometimes it's i feel like ima' drown in this game/Rocky 5, the streetfight, it's my natural high/choreographed by that Terry Funk guy/'jab, jab-cmon!' his son yells from the crowd/will Rocky prevail, make his gay son feel proud?/But for real, Rocky 5, I mean what I said/Tommy fucked up, fame went to his head/and dont even talk about the paparazzi/get enough pictures there, grand Papa Nazi?/the money, the drugs, blu-rays, the cheeses/thrust the cheeses up pussies, give cheesy diseases (thrust the cheeses up pussies, give cheesy diseases) (x14 ) fuck a hater, dont judge, take a walk in my shoes/i said come here and take a walk in my shoes/here hold on im a take off my shoes/here, put em on, take a walk in my shoes/a day in my life yeah u wish you could have it/I see latina stink-hole, I reach out n grab it/(i see latina stink hole, I reach out n grab it) x22

Brendan Kelly said...

you know, I don't want to seem like Im trying to encourage this sort of thing, but this rap is truly awesome. I literally laughed out loud. Kudos to you, chinaman. You've done it again.

Bury my Latina stink-hole at Wounded Knee said...

i done fucked up, left the china shit on there/i done fucked up, left the china shit on there

jbody said...

ya know it wuz actually cham-pimple?I dont know if its funnier if u switched it up intentionally or just have been saying the wrong shit for 6 years.........anyway,thank you.crazy fucking funny!...literally did that nerdy shit where i saved some bars for later.well,its obv funnier if youve been mistaken

jbody said...

grand papa nazi or the canibus-like earnest tommy detour my fave...................naaaaah,it was the lisp shit!!shoes,shoes,shoes,baah!

dustyfloors said...

http://www.smoothgroovedesigns.com/product/

What?! Really!?

Bury my Latina stink-hole at Wounded Knee said...

well goddamn dusty, that shits funny as fuck (goddamn dusty, lemme buy yuo some lunch)

Adrian said...

Larry Arms should do a Tigres cover. It can go in the "punk goes mexican polka." Los Tigres do have some love songs too ie "La puerta negra". I know its a horrible idea. But hey you could be next big thing since rum dmc did that remix of the aerosmiths song.

jbody said...

be tremendous if that awkward dvd release delay was due to dodgy special effects work being done on beex and chris with the aim of making them look younger and trimmer.I mean I saw the preview and that isnt the case but ya know...........

Nico said...

Any socks in berlin who wanna party?

Sean said...

Beex enjoyed the rap?!?!

SO DID I!!!!!

(hyperventilates)

Dan said...

San Dimas High School Football Rules!

jbody said...

oh yeah borequen steamhole..>>champimple thang a mix up or what?srrrrry....wait u dont think im mistaken????

jbody said...

sry christian BORINQUEN shizshooooot...duuuuuuuuuuuuu

Bury my Latina stink-hole at Wounded Knee said...

Never really had a firm grasp on whether it was pimple or pitbull or 'pinball' or nyaaaaaaaa i knew it wa'nt pinball! he ever explain the reasoning of the name?

R.I.P. eric you still in my thoughts, mah prairs, sometime wet dreams (my underwear)

Felix said...

this is all nice and fun but Bree Olsen dumped Charlie Sheen via text message. Plus Sasha Grey quit porn for photography. how long till the end of the world Brendan?? How long?

It's A-Me, Martucci said...

Who gives a shit about either of those things? Sasha's stinkhole was stretched to oblivion years back and Bree's behavior is entirely expected. Were they gonna grow old together? Break up in a sensible way like rational adults? cmon

It's A-Me, Martucci said...
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It's A-Me, Martucci said...

'nother 2 weeks and it wouldve prob been him splittin up with her via fly-over blimp saying 'God lives in my anus and every decrepit morning shit smears his face with poo, you crustacean bitch' etc etc

jbody said...

googled it.it seems to either have been a play on champipple(fairly well known libation in black community i guess)or he was just saying champipple and we were both wrong.prob the later since champipple seems to be synonymous with pimps anyway.either way.............bummer.i guess he figured us white boiz wouldnt pick up on a sanford and son reference

Sean said...

I just received a pair of free tickets to see The Lawrence Arms play this Saturday at Congress...

... Sure, I get free tickets the ONE WEEKEND I'm gunna be out of town.

Go fucking figure!