Wednesday, May 11, 2011

beaten by the internet

First and foremost, my buddies in Elway put out their awesome new full length “delusions” yesterday on Red Scare. It’s a really cool record so head here and pick it up, everyone. Okay, now that that’s out of the way, let’s talk about darkness.

I had to unfollow the PolyBiAsianGirl on twitter. She’s It was giving me weird late night waking nightmares and stuff. That shit was, quite simply, too much. Okay, I have always considered myself pretty open minded when it comes to most anything, especially choices like deciding to be a slut or have a weird sexual proclivity. I think who you fuck is pretty much your business and however you fuck them is pretty much great as long as everyone is having a good time (or enjoys having a bad time). Hell, I even thought that Animal Passions had some touching moments in it, and that movie’s emotional center was a hermit that’s married to a fucking pony. As far as I’m concerned, if you’re not touching kids or ya know, raping people, then good on ya.

Which is why the whole deal with PolyBiAsianGirl is so shocking to me. Okay, here’s a quick rundown of what’s going on here: I came across this girl on twitter the other day and decided to follow her because her tweets looked interesting. As it stands, I already follow some porn stars (mostly because I think the sex industry is pretty fascinating and because when someone tweets out something like “I just sucked off a stranger under a bridge LOL” I wanna be right there to retweet it) but this girl isn’t a porn star. She’s just a girl from Denver who is into polygamy, submission and boundary pushing (like fucking rooms of strangers and shit like that, which hey…That room of strangers ain’t gonna fuck itself) and at first glance, her twitter is fucking hilarious.

She tweets weird pictures of her banging dudes, or showing her ass, or of her naked, wearing her dog collar or her weird tattoos or her giving a blowjob but then she also tweets out long detailed explanations of fixing her motorcycle (she’s a total gearhead) or a play by play of her and her sister at the chocolate festival or her puppies that she’s raising and their dietary regimen and stuff. It’s a bizarre combination of fairly depraved shit mixed with a lot of typical life banality that’s pretty rare in a twitter persona. Usually, you either tweet out pictures of you stuffing a flashlight in your ass, OR you tweet out the blend of formulas that you’re using to wean your puppies and that kind of thing. Rarely is it both. That kind of weirdness got me on board, but as everything progressed, more weirdness started to emerge. Let me walk you through my level of understanding where she’s coming from in the 2 days that I followed her on Twitter.

As I mentioned, PolyBiAsianGirl tweets pictures of her tattoos, like the one that says ‘polygamy’ and has a rainbow snowflake type thing beneath it. It’s pretty typical hippy shit and so at this point I’m thinking she’s just a sexually liberated hippy and that’s the end of it. BUT she also has a tattoo of a slave collar on her chet and a tattoo that says (and I’m paraphrasing a little) “Dennis’ little fuck slut” above her beav, and tattoos that say ‘property of dennis’ and one of those sailor birds with a banner that says “I swallow” and a back piece that says ‘nympho’.

Okay, she’s a slave that LOVES to fuck and has a husband named Dennis. That’s okay. That’s fine. She tweets things about how she’s a worthless whore and she’s just a dumpster for jizz and dongs and she wants to be abused (and on and on like this) and while that shit kind of makes me a LITTLE squeamish, eh…her bag is her bag. I don’t care if she wants to call herself a cum dumpster. She obviously is into degradation and stuff, but she also is pretty vocal about calling out people who are shitty to her on twitter, so whatever…she’s not a zero self esteem victim, she’s just really, really into being a slave. Cool. Weird, but whatever.

Then she tweets out the picture of her husband’s tattoo that represents that he’s married to her and her sister. This was where I started to kind of get out of the zone of being comfortably skeeved out. THEN she started talking about banging her sister, which, well…I’m a Midwestern boy with old timey sensibilities I guess, because that’s a little gnarly to me. At this point we’re looking at incest, polygamy, slavery, wang dumpsterdom and motorcycles…Then she starts with the tweets about how she’s forbidden from using condoms when she bangs random strangers, all the random jizz and the drinking and the hoarding of it and honestly, it’s not the kind of thing I even want to write here, and I don’t usually consider this to be a forum that I have to censor, but the whole thing, frankly, is a little crass for my taste.

The last straw came this morning with some anecdotes so creepy that I’m not even gonna get into them at all, but I will say that I don’t necessarily believe them to be true. However, the whole thing has, for the last two days been creeping me out at an almost 24 hour a day level, which is impressive when you consider that twitter is a very small part of my day, and she’s a very small part of my twitter feed.

So I unfollowed. Whatever, man. PolyBiAsianGirl seems like she’s very nice and fun, but my tender soul can’t handle it. Part of me feels like a pussy or something, but I guess the truth is that I like my depravity fairly mild. True, long form depravity is WAY too heavy for me.

That said, please send me your nudes! Okay, have a good day!


Corey said...

Like any good internet aficionado, I decided to check out what was so disturbing about this woman. After reading for a little bit it's hard to say if any of it is true but then I remembered that there are a lot of fucked up people in the world. It's an odd sensation when the internet presents something that is disturbing on a whole other level. Once you think you have seen it all, the great void that is the internet conjures up something even more disturbing and depraved.

FranklinStein said...

Goddamnit that shit's disturbing. I thought I'd be able to handle it.

*Crawls into fetal position, thinking fondly of days in mother's womb*

Robb said...

She looks 35 and it's so over the top it's fucking corny. What the fuck yall.

Robb said...

Does she have a sis in Marianna, FL that runs the last existing Stuckey's and tells fortunes? jesus

Robb said...

Think she likes to crank Hellbilly Deluxe during those krrrrrrrrazy depraved sex actz?? she's one krrrrrrrrazy gal! Yeeeeeeeeeeee-haaaaawwwwwwwwwwwww! I just can't get over it. How krrrrrrrazy she is, what with her krrrrrrrrrrrazy lifestyle! K I'm done

It's A-Me, Martucci said...

I see where someone with the handle 'Indianpussylove' posted on Polynisiana's twitter wall. Now thats funny, I dont care WHO ya are!!! I dont care WHO ya are!!!! hahahahahahahaha!! ohhh, that's a chuckle and a half!

Anyway no more or less contrived and stupid than the avg porn starlet tweeter but whatev

It's A-Me, Martucci said...

Well shit curiosity got me n I clicked on indianpussylove and by golly he's just your garden variety 'horny asian male'!! Whose blurb reads "Looking to chat, pic swap and hopefully meat (<---!!!) all kinds of women. Follow me and I'll follow you back Add me on Facebook" recite that in chinglish and it just doesn't get better! I dont care WHO ya are

Tyler M. said...

I Love, Love Elway but I have a bone to pick you and Red Scare. Why on God's green earth are you guys ONLY pressing CDs?!?! Where the hell is the vinyl? Who the hell buy's CDs anymore? I can understand doing a completely digital release as it significantly cuts down on production costs, but to only makes CDs is ridiculous. I guarantee you that 99% of CD purchasers are immediately going to upload that to their iTunes library and then bitch the CD. Plus, the vinyl buying market is the only section of the music industry not dying. See said article

I have expressed this frustration to Toby too, but in the future the best route is Vinyl with a digital download code.

BEEXtrix Potter said...

Well golly Tyler, I guess if by "99% of CD owners", you mean "fucking nobody", then I guess I kinda see where you're comin from. I'm serious here - your figures defitely aren't even dumber than this Polybi hick's twitter, or anything

Candice said...

i buy CDs.

dustyfloors said...

Check on this Poly and that shit is disturbing. I thought the stories from this morning were nasty but was convinced she was making them up.... Then I saw he pics of her circled by 4 dudes with their dicks out and realized that it's probably for real... Ew.

Also, Tyler, I feel like you have to take into account how many people make up the "vinyl buying market."
That's like saying 99% of people who bookmark Bad Sandwich Chronicles in their web browser read at least one entry per week.
Dudes who buy vinyl will continue to buy vinyl period... A band/label probably isn't happy with catering to ONLY those dudes though.

But I would TOTALLY buy that Elway album on vinyl. Heh.

James said...

I also buy CDs and Toby has made it pretty clear why he doesn't press vinyl.

Jesus said...

I still buy CD's.

Since we're on the topic of STD's with that crazy girl (seriously bro, what the fuck?) I posted the lines from "Are you there Margaret.." *Thought about her hips..* and at least four people on Facebook legitimately thought I had an STD. Never thought of the song like that.

Bury my Latina stink-hole at Wounded Knee said...

Oh hey yall! When I'm not busy venturing to the heretofore unseen lowest depths of my "ultra-depraved lifestyle", I love Burn Notice, West Wing, Law & Order, collecting/selling Geisha figurines (visit my eBay store - 'PolyBiAsianThings') and baking banana nut crunch bread! To date I've experimented with over 67 recipes! *~LIQUID GANG~* groupie for life!!

Jayzilla said...

burn notice is pretty sweet