And I never will forget the day we met...

Well, the dream is pretty much over. Just over two years ago I started this blog. I was new parent and I was just coming off being on a pretty fun tour cycle and I figured that I could write down my various clever and witty remarks here every day and it would presumably keep me interested in things and keep my brain sharp. I've posted here almost every weekday since I started. There's over five hundred pages worth of material on this mustard colored digi-scroll. A lot of it is repetitive and a lot of it is drivel, but it HAS in fact kept me interested in the world and it's kept me writing, which is important in terms of exercising a brain.

Of course, my brain has taken some major hits in the name of the science of blogging as well. I've spent hours, nay, months on websites like Perezhilton and such just in hopes of finding some bit of 'news' that was outrageous enough that it would send me into a mental tailspin so I'd have something to bitch about here. I've also let my kid watch vastly more TV than I'm comfortable with while I sit here and crank through these entries. He's currently watching some dumb show about spiders living in some field. It looks like cheap computer flash. BUT, he's not flushing magazines down the toilet and lord knows that the fifteen to forty five minutes I devote to this blog every day I've come to think of as a time that I don't want to be disturbed, so therefore if he'll sit still and watch this dumb show about dumb arachnids, so be it.

This will all have to change.

See, two major things have happened in the last few months: 1) another baby started living here and 2) my computer broke. To address number 2 first, it's fucked. The dude that examined it referred to it as a 'paperweight' but suggested i may be able to make a little money selling the screen which was 'still in pretty decent shape'. That's a problem, as you can imagine. I mean, that's how I get my genius onto the internet, man. It has to be strained through a computer or it won't stick.
Now, I've been scraping by using my wife's computer because she's been home on maternity leave but (to get to number 1) this is her last day and then she and her computer go back to work and I'm stuck here with these two little gremlins, no computer, no lactating breasts, no patience nor experience in hauling two kids around, no sleep, no relief, no sanity etc. It's gonna be (to borrow a phrase from one of the greatest mesh hats ever) nucking futs. AND, I'm having a hard time seeing a way to continue to regularly produce this, at least for a while.

There are options. I could wait until the evening when everyone's asleep and use my wife's computer when she brings it home. I could uh....wait, that's my only option. I could do this at night. That's an okay solution (I'd like to take a little time out here to talk about this last word: solution. Modern American corporate jargon has created this bold new way of talking that for some crazy reason no one seems to realize is completely retarded. The most common example of this that I see is the new substitute for solution. People talk about finding 'solves' instead of solutions nowadays. A solve is not a thing, folks. I get that it's an edgy new repackaging of your grandpa's dusty old desiccated verb as a dynamic and radical new noun, but uh...lame. That's what's going on out there? "We need a quick solve for this whole copyright issue in the Johnson account' is what they're saying in those iron and glass stalagmites down town. They're saying it in the mailrooms in hopes of sounding like the people who are saying it in the corner offices on the ninetieth floor. It's a lowdown dirty shame is what it is. Said it before and I'll say it again: hell in a handbasket!) but it kind of comes at the expense of the very tiny little ribbon of time that I get to spend relaxing with my wife and/or watching tv/reading/drinking a beer and generally decompressing, which coincidentally competes with the tiny little ribbon of time I get for sleep. My motivation is suffering as I type this. SO what's the solve here folks? I really don't know.

I've got to get a new computer, that's for sure. BUT, I don't really have any money. So that's an issue. I've also got to find the time to use it. Also an issue, one that could also be solved by money, of which I (not to belabor the point) have none. So, what to do? Who knows? I'm not saying that I'm gonna stop doing this thing. I'm not even suggesting that I'm planning on slowing down, I'm simply throwing out there that I don't, as of now, have ANY idea how I'm going to keep it up. BUT, it's like those shows with the kindly dad who loses his job as christmas is looming and when his kids say "daddy, what about christmas?" and he says "don't worry pumpkin. We'll make it work somehow" and then the kids go to sleep all happy and they dream of ponies and bikes and shit and the dad gets that worried look and the music starts and it goes to commercial...you follow me? That's how this will be. It'll work out, Dogs of War. BUT if you don't see me for a few days, that's why. I'm gonna be computerless and swamped with kids that just like to scream, shit, eat, and never ever sleep.

With that, I'm off. Last day of maternity leave means that I've still got a little time. Monday, I'm doomed, so I dunno. I'm gonna go get a beer and take a nap or something. Oh, and I just killed a two inch millipede. Pretty gross, God. Even for you.
xoxoxoxo