Monday, July 11, 2011

these dreams go on when i close my eyes! Every second of the night!

Dreams are pretty weird. They seem important but in fact there’s nothing so dull as listening to another person’s dream. A particularly weird dream is impossible to not relay to your friends but they don’t care. No one cares about other people’s dreams even in the slightest, and that’s because dreams, while vividly real (truly, a dream is EVERY bit as much of a brain’s ‘reality’ as any waking life, except for the lack of consequences) are real ONLY in the realm of one brain. To all other brains it’s just a bunch of completely meaningless bullshit.

Yeah, there are people, psychiatrists, therapists and irritating hippy types mostly, who claim that they can interpret dreams, to which I reply: no, you can’t. Dreams may have a meaning but to interpret them as symbolic of anything universal (as in, Oh, you’re dreaming about your teeth falling out? That’s really about money) is a bunch of bullshit. There’s no way that different brains operate under the same umbrella of esoteric symbolism. That’s a pretty asinine thought. When you consider that one person could look at a steaming pile of shit covered in bloody vomit and want to barf and cry and another person could look at the same pile of bloody bile-poo and get a glass-cutting boner, it becomes pretty crystal clear that brains function in completely unique ways and that there’s absolutely no way that something like subconscious symbolic imagery could possibly have any sort of universal semblance. I mean, fuck, just the idea of actually losing your teeth means different things to different people. For some, it’s primarily a vanity issue, for others it’s a health issue, for others it’s more of a practical irritation and so on. So how come suddenly when we’re asleep, losing teeth suddenly always means the same thing? It’s fucking dumb.

Now, I’m not suggesting that dreams are completely meaningless, just that blanket interpretations (like books called “What do your Dreams Mean”) are the domain of the very dumbest of dummies. But sure, there’s gotta be a connection between me having very stressful dream situations and my life being stressful. There’s gotta be SOME meaning in the dream where I’m banging a woman with a beautiful body and the face of my oldest friend Chris with an Abe Lincoln beard (this is, unfortunately, a real dream I had). The dreams where I write songs and then remember the songs when I wake up (they’re usually terrible) have to have some sort of relation to my life and my general interest in writing music. It’s not just complete random garbage. But it’s not cut and dry either. And as such, it’s pretty hard to be interested in listening to anyone talking about their dreams, unless it’s a dream about them fucking or getting fucked by something really weird, but usually people keep those to themselves.

The one place where I kind of think that dreams become interesting is when they’re recurring dreams. This is kind of a wild phenomenon that’s a little more transcontinental than the one-offs. I have a few recurring dreams. The first one is where I’m incredibly good at jumping. I can jump like princess toadstool in super Mario 2 where once I reach the apex of my jump I can hover for a while. As I jump farther and farther and higher and higher, it eventually becomes a lot like flying, although it’s always based in jumping and never soaring. Pretty fascinating, right?

I also have a recurring dream where I’m perched somewhere that’s really high and precarious. I start out feeling confident that I can go wherever it is and do whatever I’m supposed to do, but once I get out there I’m paralyzed by fear and I end up just crouching, completely white knuckling the shit out of whatever I’m on, frozen and terrified until I wake up. This dream blows. I have one other recurring dream that involves me descending down stairs into underground windowless rooms. Each room is just covered in unpainted white drywall and has a stairwell going up and going down. Once I get to about the tenth level down, I realize that the walls are covered in roaches. The roaches are huge and some of them can fly. I wig out (because I’m no good with roaches) and run back up the stairs only to realize that the room above is even MORE roach infested. Usually at this point I start freaking out so badly that I wake up.

Those are my recurring dreams. Now that I see them written down I’m gonna have to go back and say, nope, Beex, you’re wrong. Recurring dreams are no more interesting than one offs. It’s all gibberish.

On that note, get back to work, slackers! Dreams are for suckers. You’ve been warned.

14 comments:

Boombox-27 said...

In the last week, I've had two dreams about toothless snakes biting my butthole. Like, the upper jaw is outside of it and the lower jaw is in the hole. I would spend the dream trying to figure out how to remove the snake without tearing my ass open. At first, I felt sure that it was my girlfriend putting her finger in my ass while I slept, but she denies it. Then, I thought maybe I pooped the bed, but, again, no dice. Interpret that.

Donnie said...

Wasn't Super Mario 2 all a dream? So if you have jumping powers like the Princess is that like a dream within a dream? Is Leonardo DiCaprio there too? If so, watch out!

FranklinStein said...

"Teeth ripped out of gums hit
sparkling gray squares of concrete/
Screams in technicolor pain/
doubled over/spitting blood/
the freezing rain" and "you're beautiful in dreams where words pour from my mouth in streams/ rivers I could never recreate" are a few Larry Limbs lyrics that come to mind regarding dreams.

Let's have a few more. You can start with this wet dream you have about banging a Baberaham Lincolned Chris...

Matthew said...

Boombox that was hilarious dude!
Good article Brendan. I've had a dream about banging casey anthony lately, but fearing that I'd get her pregnant and she'd wanna party too much and well yeah...

motorbike said...

I had a pretty wild one last night myself. It started off about sharpshooting and then some how I ended up fighting off spiders between the size of a quarter all the way to the size of an elepant. Gnarly considering I lit some on fire and they could not be killed.

HFQQ said...

I keep having this dream where Neil Hennessy is my boss, and he keeps coming in my office and telling me that he won't rest or eat even one more hamburger until I've been fired. He is also wearing a tie with a kitten on it. It's terrifying.

Sean said...

that's weird... one of my recurring dreams is exactly how you described the jumping one... since ive had it so many times i usually realize its a dream and it becomes lucid... which i then am like "if you think u can fly u can" and i begin to soar...

.... then I end up fucking some beautiful model.

Owner Operator said...

i had a dream about how i once blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah and it was awesome

Andrew said...

my girlfriend has some condition where she can actually feel her dreams. like she'll get shot or cut or something and she can feel it and it hurts.

it also works for less violent things like running barefoot through glass or getting fucked. she has had orgasms in her sleep before. its really weird and she's seen all kinds of doctors for it but nobody knows what the the hell she's talking about.

this affects me because i have to hear her recount her dreams every night and how they made her feel.

dustyfloors said...

Spiders. All the time. Everywhere. I hate it.

James said...

I've also had orgasms in my sleep.

Matthew said...

Yeah I don't think orgasms in your sleep are really that uncommon, although the dream of fucking someone you never have or never will is always a fun one, I've come to the conclusion that those dreams suck. Like really suck. Nothing quite like the harsh reality of waking up and realizing it was all just a dream, and that you're really just in bed alone with jizz all over your boxers and your legs...

Bridgett said...

There are flying cockroaches. I lived in the dorms when I went to school in St. Louis, and one flew across my room. One also flew into my purse which I found while at the bank in the ghetto with two armed guards. They were pretty confused as to why some white girl would be in the bank to begin with, but when she dumps her purse out and starts pounding the shit out of something, it gets weirder.

wowgoldsuit said...

The one position where My spouse and i sort of believe that dreams turn into fascinating occurs when they're continual dreams. That is a outrageous occurrence that's a little more seo transcontinental compared to one-offs. I've a few recurring dreams. Reduce costs is when I'm amazingly efficient at bouncing. I can jump just like princess toadstool within super Mario 2 in which after i get to the height associated WOW Gold with my own leap I can hover for a while. When i bounce even farther and also even farther and far better, the idea ultimately becomes a good deal like soaring, despite the fact that it's often wow gold for sale situated in moving and don't increasing. Quite intriguing, correct?