Thursday, July 1, 2010

splash into summer with BSC!

hey hey! It’s july, one of the most famous months of the year. I’m a fan. When I think july here’s what I think of: egg salad sandwiches, picnics, sprinklers, slip n slides, guys with nice shorts and tons of bryll cream in their hair, beach balls, and of course, the celebration of when Jesus made America the official country of God. Now, I don’t eat egg salad, nor do I have a sprinkler, a slip n slide or any bryll cream (or nice shorts, for that matter) but today, in honor of july and America, I’m gonna make a little list of great stuff to do in the summertime. Ready? Me too.

First up, Summertime drink:

Everybody is really into infusing vodka these days. It seems like I can’t go into a bar without seeing some tub full of pineapples and vodka. This sounds refreshing to me, but I think for my money, there’s nothing that says summer like a can of Busch light, shotgunned on your back porch in the harsh sober dawn.

Catchphrase-

We’ve been living in the era of the ‘douche’. I don’t know what went down in 2003 or so, but at some point ‘douchebag’ went from being a hopelessly out of date insult that reached its zenith of visibility when Booger uttered it during a particularly vitriolic scene in the 1984 classic Revenge of the Nerds, to being the Lady Gaga of words. The shit is everywhere. How popular is douchebag? During the recent broadcast of the Tony awards, the word was spoken no less than seventy nine times. The latest polls indicate that at any given second, at least one person in thirteen is saying douche, douchebag or some variation therein. Clearly, this has to end, and as we all know, there’s no better time to start a new trend, and kill an old one than summer. So, what’s the new catchphrase? I’d like to offer up “Go fuck an old man” but I’m open to other suggestions too.

Passtime:

The beach? Totally so yesterday, bro. Skateboarding? For kids and manchildren. Flying kites? Cool, but only if you’re really, really high. Nah. Fuck those old school summer activities. This year, nothing’s gonna say summer like having sweaty intercourse in porta potties with anonymous strangers. And remember, the more uh…’red state’ your intercourse is, the more likely it is to result in the miracle of pregnancy, so those port a johns at the NASCAR track are a good place to start. Don’t let me (and by extension, jesus) down, kids! This summer we can get started on a whole new army of fans of whoever the next generation’s Larry the Cable guy is.

Soundtrack-

Remember that scene in Your Friends and Neighbors when the guy from Lost Boys is doing situps and listening to a cassette of himself fucking some chick on his walkman? That’s pretty weird. Anyway, I think this summer we should all listen to more Daughtry.

Fashion trend-

Will this finally be the year that the world embraces the ballsack cleavage trend that I’ve been advocating for so many years? Probably not, but you know what? They laughed at Gloria Steinem when she wore pants. They laughed at Ben Franklin when he put buckles on his shoes. They laughed at Martin Luther King because of his fruity stockings, so don’t let those assholes get you down. Hang your ballsacks over your belts this summer and join the long list of freedom fighting pioneers that didn’t give a fuck about the naysayers, but be sure to put sunscreen on yer boys or you’re gonna be bummed. Oh, ladies, you can just use a chewed piece of bubblegum as a substitute (or just expose your cans. That’s classic fashion that never goes out of style, kind of like wearing a tiara).

Non Procreative Sex Act-

Oh, here we go. It’s been a while, but here comes the felching. I thought we were done with this tired topic….No? I mean, honestly, you’re a thirty three year old man. Can you go get a job or something? Don’t you have kids? Can you stop talking about felching and farts and butts and shit for just…well, how bout forever? You’re supposed to be an educated guy and some kind of ‘intellectual songwriter’ (whatever the fuck that means) but all you ever do is sit here ineffectually and talk like a budget version of a pre-lobotomy Tom Delonge. Way to mature, dude. No wonder you’re such a loser. People are supposed to change. People grow and your friends are riding around on tour busses and hanging out with the dudes from Nine Inch Nails while you’re sitting there in the stench of your putrid farts typing stupid, predictable ‘witticisms’ about ass play. What’s that tell you, smart guy? How bout you pull it together, for your kids if nothing else, eh? You’re pathetic.

Sigh. Um, jeez. Anyway, yeah. It’s felching.

Disease-

No era is complete without a disease, right? I mean, the 20’s had syphilis and the dark ages had the plague…that’s pretty much everything, right? Oh, the 80’s had AIDS, they had ebola in the 90’s. We had what? Bird flu, swine flu, and Bieber Fever already this millennium, so what’s it gonna be this summer? I’d like to suggest that we just make it easy on ourselves and go with HPV since most of you already have it anyway.

Okay, thanks for reading the Splash into Summer edition of the BSC. Now get out there and live!

Happy birthday Jesus!

43 comments:

Anonymous said...

i had to check out that Daughtry band, and in the words of Justin Sane : "what a bunch of fucking shit"

it's already summer up there? down here we are in the middle of winter, so i traded cold beer for red wine to keep me warm (and classy of course)

do some stand up already, i won't be there but there is youtube for poor losers like me.

Anonymous said...

hey, i forgot. do any of you socks hate Kat Von Dee for some unexplainable reason? i think i know the reasons but i'm not sure, anyway, i hate her from the bottom of my heart, everytime i see her on tv or internet i feel the need to punch something or kick somebody's face and run.
i would like to know why, i asked my mother and she said "who the fuck is Kitten von? and why were you born?!"
i said "keep it toghether mom, don't make me set you on fire again , we don't want that ok?".

anyway, fuck you Kat von dee, fuck you and your stupid tattoos, and the way you talk and your constant need to look "edgy" and cool. FUCK YOU.

GOD!!!!!!!!! I FUCKING LOVE THIS BLOG!!!!!

(no more drinking for today)

Anonymous said...

I heard someone say "That's what she said" after I said "It's gotta be harder than that" the other day. Maybe this awesome phrase can replace "douche"
Whaddya think?

Robb said...

Von D set a guinness record for most tats given in 24 hrs. ..really? She has both a Misfits tat AND a ZZ Top tat. ..really? Still, Id fuck her mouth

Donnie said...

dusty, i can only assume you don't watch the office.

Mikey said...

that was sarcasm right dustyfloors? otherwise you're very late to that party. years late.

although i'm in the camp that says, if done right, it's still funny...

Anonymous said...

still i'd totally fuck her brains out too.

Anonymous said...

Donnie, Mikey I was totally fucking around.

I work in an office and therefore have to hear that, without exaggerating, at least 24 times a day. It's maddening. I still use it when I get the fastball down the middle I can't help but taking out of the park.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bridgett said...

I heard syphilis is on the rise. Oh that's good: I Googled "syphilis 2010" to see if I could find an article about this, and almost everything on the first page is either "does Justin Bieber really have syphilis?" or "is Facebook causing syphilis?" If syphilis had a slogan, based on the Google search I just made, it should be "Syphilis: not just for the Chinese and gay!" Look it up, it's a good time.

limited nobility said...

anyone remember "daddies little piggies" as a colloquialism for peach's geldof,lily allen types?can't remember the origin but it was from bsc.very funny!

Jesus said...

And don't forget about your neighbors up north, the place where all your favorite friends like Wayne Gretzky, Muhammad, and Budhha were all born and raised.
Alright enough talk. I'm to get absolutely fucked on Gin. Happy Canada Day, bitches!

Gnaw said...

http://www.google.com/trends?q=douchebag%2C+felching&ctab=0&geo=all&date=all&sort=0

You're totally right about douchebag (except it's 2004, not 03), and it seems to be spreading quicker and quicker. We need to go back and find out what caused that initial spike in 04 so we can put this process to an end. Also, it seems as if Canadians are officially the biggest inquirers into the ways of the douche.

As for felching, well, as I'm sure you can all see, it seems the Brits and Kiwis are the biggest aficionados of this pastime. I wonder what caused that bizarre spike in felching search volume in mid-2009. My money says it has something to do with you Mr. Kelly.

It's A-Me, Martucci said...

Gin? You cheeseball.

And let's be honest, 'that's what sheee said' was never funny

limited nobility said...

Tool has definitely been encroaching on douche-bag/d-bag's territory lately.I think it's the preferred pejorative for those actually insinuated into the whole juiced up,spray tan,ed hardy,vegas bomb rounds,socially accepted rape, scene.so,there's well..beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeks!

disastermarch said...

speaking of lobotomized tom delonge is that interview on JBTV yet? I was looking for it cuz it sounds hilarious but either I'm dumb or their website is really confusing.

sweet episode with DTM btw

Drunken Acorn said...

Yes! Douche bag needs to be replaced. I like the go fuck an old man. But you can never go wrong with calling someone a cum rash. It's quick and to the point.

Trace said...

I heard the Alkaline Trio got arrested and were late to Warped Tour today because of it (if they ever showed up), I gotta find out if it's true, though

MOG said...

New Summer Ritual:

Bringing your kids to the in-laws, drinking all of their beer (in-laws not kids [I had to clarify since I am in Philly and take my kids to Phillies games]) and doing an obscene amount of cannon balls into their pool.

Turkey Sandwich. said...

FLYING KITES WILL ALWAYS BE AWESOME AND FUN, REGARDLESS OF DRUG INTAKE.

End of story, douchebag.

casey said...

I kind of enjoy "eat a bag of (floppy, cold, HPV-ified, etc) dicks!" as a potential summer phrase.

werwer said...

Microsoft Office 2019 Download Crack at long last arrived up with an formal model. It's got come accompanied by a massive introduction of cloud storage and software and an outlook of units and desktops. Office 365 have been implemented to support people use all of these products through cloud storage, but most organizations haven't centered on this design

Amir Iqbal said...

Nice post
Smallpdf Crack

Instant Crack said...

I was searching over search engines and found your blog and it really helps thank you very much…
avg internet security crack use and reliable, which makes it preferred by millions of users. avg internet security crack here to download the latest version of AVG. avg internet security crack will prevent viruses from infecting your computer. avg internet security crack antivirus program that has innovative features is the most effective. The user can monitor their safety status by using its security applications. Android is also supported with enhanced features. Utilizing the software has also become easier. Users can choose from several antivirus solutions. Not only do they have the ability to defend your computer from viruses, malware, and other types of digital threats. You are protected against spam as well. avg internet security crack

Ahmad Sheikh said...



I like your all post. You Have Done really good Work On This Site. Thank you For The Information You provided. It helps Ma a Lot.
it Is Very Informative Thanks For Sharing. I have also Paid This sharing. I am ImPressed For With your Post Because This post is very beneficial for me and provides new knowledge to me. This is a cleverly written article. Good work with the hard work you have done I appreciate your work thanks for sharing it. It Is a very Wounder Full Post.

primo ramdisk crack
primo ramdisk crack
primo ramdisk crack
primo ramdisk crack
primo ramdisk crack
primo ramdisk crack
primo ramdisk crack
primo ramdisk crack
primo ramdisk crack

Sami said...

On the Internet, I was very happy to find this company.
Was great to read and I owe you at least one time.
This piqued my interest a little, and you were kind enough to keep it going.
Become a fan of a new article on your site
adobe photoshop lightroom crack
outbyte pc repair crack key
purevpn crack
aida64 extreme engineer crack

Skidrowkeyz said...

I am very impressed with your post because this post is very beneficial for me and provide a new knowledge to me.
Little Nightmares II Crack
Beyond Two Souls Crack
tiff teller crack
super meat boy forever crack

Muhammad Sajjad Ali said...


You have a great site, but I wanted to know if you know.
Any community forum dedicated to these topics.
What was discussed in this article? I really want to be a part of it.
A society in which I can obtain information from others with knowledge and interest.
Let us know if you have any suggestions. I appreciate this!

opencloner ripper crack
opencloner ripper crack
opencloner ripper crack
opencloner ripper crack
opencloner ripper crack
opencloner ripper crack
opencloner ripper crack

Naeem Shah said...

Thank you for your dedication.
to your website and the content you provide.
It's always refreshing to stumble onto another blog.
reprinted material that is unnecessary. Great job!
I've saved your site to my favourites and subscribed to your RSS feeds through Google.
pazera free audio extractor crack
goldwave crack
ashampoo burning studio crack
abbyy finereader corporate crack
sketchup pro crack latest version
camtasia studio crack
beyond compare crack
haozip crack

Buttler said...

Excellent posting. I have constantly checked this blog and I am impressed!
Very useful information, especially the last part. I care a lot about this information.
I've been looking for this special information for a long time.
Thanks and good luck.
spybot search destroy crack
apowersoft video download capture crack
loaris trojan remover crack
trillian crack
windows 10 crack
graphpad prism crack
wondershare dr fone crack
driver navigator crack

Artghural said...

This is an excellent cup.
As a result, keep up the fantastic job on your website.
Your site has a lot of promise, and I'm excited to learn more about it.
Thank you very much for all of your efforts.
logic pro x crack
adobe illustrator Crack
edius pro crack
enscape3d crack

Kamran Afzal said...

A big thanks to you for sharing this with everyone you know who may be interested in this subject matter.
My website is also available for your reference.
We might be able to work together on a link trade deal.
avg secure search crack
share it for pc windows 32 bit 64 bit
zend studio crack
windows movie maker crack

Crack Software's said...

Great content

This is a really beneficial softwares for you
Movavi Photo Editor Crack
AMT Emulator Crack
Ashampoo Photo Optimizer Crack
SamDrivers Crack
Partition Bad Disk Crack
Guitar Pro Crack With Key Free
Driver Talent Pro Crack
CyberLink AudioDirector Ultra Crack
DVD-Cloner Gold Crack
Pinnacle Studio Crack

Crack Key said...


Thank you so much for letting me express my feeling about your post.
You write every blog post so well. Keep the hard work going and good luck.
Hope to see such beneficial post ahead to.

ashampoo uninstaller
ultraiso premium crack
corel paintshop crack
easeus data recovery crack license
poweriso crack download

Albert Einstein said...

I'm really impressed with your writing skills, as smart as the structure of your
Latest Software Free Download

Wing FTP Server Enterprise Crack

Arturia DX7 Mac Crack

NCH Voxal Voice Changer Crack

Ashampoo Photo Recovery Crack

Corel PhotoMirage Crack

CRack432 said...

We appreciate your hard work.
and the information you offer there.
In general, it's great to meet up with another blog.
No permission to reprint is needed. A job well done!
I have bookmarked your page and signed up for your Google RSS feeds.


clamxav crack
solidworks crack
download spss full crack
faststone capture crack


Matt Daan said...

I Enjoyed it. Such a great post. Great info!
mailbird pro crack
free netflix download premium crack
zoner photo studio x crack
orpalis paperscan professional crack

maryam45 said...


It's refreshing to find a site that doesn't recycle the same tired topics over and over again.
This Post was one of my favourites!
vipre internet security crack
zoner photo studio download
vsdc video editor expert crack
voicemod pro crack

masooma said...

I'd want to debate Continue your hard work, and have a wonderful weekend! And I appreciate your efforts, this essay troubled me greatly.
simple gallery pro apk crack
rekordbox dj crack
sketchup pro crack
vuescan pro crack

pro crack work said...


Thank you very much for this post; I’ve learned a lot of new things thanks to it.
prtg network monitor full download
sketchup
total network inventory crack
claris filemaker pro crack

pro crack work said...

That's a truly remarkable result.
Please know how much I appreciate the time and effort you've put into enlightening me.
avocode full download
kakasoft usb security free download
removewat crack
easeus partition master crack