Thursday, September 9, 2010

When did so much become so little?

Fuck, man. The one kid is sleeping. The other one is rotting his brain watching Yo Gabba Gabba and I’m here, blasting down the galactic nerdobahn with these few precious moments that I have. My birthday was a great time. Thanks to everyone who came out to Risque the other night for the celebration. I think it was pretty fun…and you? Did you have fun? Enjoy the cupcakes? The Malort? Good deal. Don’t say I never did anything for you ungrateful turds. Anyway…

I woke up yesterday with a bleary head and decided to get a cheeseburger. I’ve been eating ‘healthy’ for a while now, but on my birthday I decided to go for it. The girls at the cheeseburger place were super young and good looking and I felt OLD as shit sitting there bullshitting with them. I mean, I AM old. I’m probably a good twelve years older than these girls and (I was noticing) I’ve pretty much got the exact same job as them: working in a bar serving beer and burgers to assholes like me. There’s nothing like a little stocktaking with your morning birthday cheeseburger to make you feel like a real sack of crap, ya know? SO I fucked a couple of the girls in the walk-in cooler and went about my day, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of being a bit of a loser for the life of me.

See, when I was in highschool I was already making money playing music. Through college my band went on little weekend jaunts every possible moment that I wasn’t in school and by the time I graduated it was pretty much a foregone conclusion that Chris and Neil and I would just go on tour and not get ‘jobs’ because, uh…wouldn’t you? I mean, faced with the notion of pounding the pavement for some shitty internship or getting paid to see the world and drink beer, which would you pick?
Yeah, so would I.

SO, there we were, on the road a good ten to thirteen months a year, getting to know the world in the way that you do when you spend one day in any given spot and move on. It was fairly easy for us to keep in touch with all our various friends who had moved away and were doing what at the time seemed like the most boring shit imaginable. We’d swoop into town, play a show, give our buddies free beer and talk about the tour and stagger out in the morning while they went to work and do it all again the next night in another town…Obviously I’m not telling you anything you don’t know, but the point is, I’d see my working buddies and there was no doubt that I was having more fun, getting more out of livin’ and yadda yadda wocka wocka wocka than they were. I knew it, they knew it, and I felt so incredibly confident in the choices that had gotten us to that point that I didn’t really ever stop to think about what would happen when that shit slowed down for whatever reason.

Welllllllll, here we are. Shit has slowed down, and it’s weird because from what I can tell, our band is more popular than ever, but we’re old and that shit is a young man’s game and now, to borrow the parlance of our times “I ain’t got no job, and I ain’t got shit to do.” Nowadays I’m hustling like all my friends did twelve or thirteen years ago and they’re all embedded in careers and (presumably) pretty successful and happy and I’m behind a bar…I write a blog and host a tv show (those things don’t make me any money, btw) and I carry a two year old and a 3.5 month old around with me everywhere I go (those actually cost me money). It’s cool. I love the family part. I dig the blog part and the tv show part is insanely fun and challenging but I don’t really like the fact that I kind of fucked up in the ‘career’ section of things and now I’m old and weird and the only industry that I really have good connections in and that I’m versed in the ins and outs of seems to be going out of business. That part stinks.

Now, I’m not really trying to complain here. I would rather see the world in my 20’s than in my 60’s and I feel great about the legacy that I have so far as a musician (and the shit to come is gonna blow your dicks/vulvas back out through your assholes) but as I get a year older, there’s no two ways about it: I think about the ways I’ve fucked up and the time I wasted that I’ll never get back and it’s kind of a bummer.
Thank god I’m so fuckng good looking, right?
Whew.

17 comments:

Capt Murdock said...

I actually have an advice query for you which is quite topical.

I’ve been working in a pretty boring and sterile cubicle job for 8 years now. I’ve been promoted enough that I can pay my mortgage, have two kids under the age of two and have a wife who only needs to work a few nights here and there to make ends meet. It is pretty soul crushing but it is a necessity based on the life decisions I’ve made up to this point.

I am also an avid homebrewer (Hey this tastes just like blueberry pie!) and go to nerdy homebrew meetings. Well at the last meeting a rep from a semi-local brewery stopped by and said they were hiring for a QA position that would allow me to make a career out of my hobby. I went to two interviews and basically have the job if I want it. There are only three issues. I would have to work 9pm – 6 am, I would have to move my family two hours away and I would be making about 40% less than I do now.

My wife has offered to go back to work on a regular basis to make up for the lost income and the kids are young enough that it really isn’t a big deal to relocate but I’m not sure if I want to pull the trigger. It just seems really selfish to do something like this and put the financial future of my family at risk. What are your thoughts birfday boy?

fongurl16 said...

Your not old. Saw Chris play last night.. you should be out there with him! Especially because he couldn't play Boatless Booze Cruise, haha

FranklinStein said...

goddamnit, enough with the pity party and whip that big 'n' thick shit out and head on over to redtube. your lamenting makes me SICK!!!!!!

dustyfloors said...

I'm excited about the mention of new TLA material!

Also, you seem to love yourself a good cheeseburger. I know you've mentioned your favorite spots here like Kuma's but can we get a Guy Fiere type list of BKs fave burgers or what?

Candice said...

Yes, thank god for your looks. And for those cupcakes.

limited nobility said...

just listened to that new sundowner on punknews.sheez,that thing makes the four song demo stream on the emergency rooms myspace page sound like fucking moondance!fucking moooooooooooooooo............

limited nobility said...

I just assume someone will pay you to write soon enough.im like ben affleck in good will hunting showing up here (your doorstep) every morning secretly hoping youve gotten reeeeeeal good at math problems....wait a second

Nico said...

These ponderings of an older man come at a great time for me, putting a lot of shit into better context in my life - I officially sold out last week and am now a lawyer (that didn't take me a week though), hating how I spend my waking hours and just looking forward to playing shows over the weekend. But I am glad that I can have both.

Diagnosis: Perpetual Niggariasus said...

Wop bop-a loo-bop, a wop-bang beck
Dis is how ya keep da white bitches in check!...
A rich bitch debutant, name of Joanne
wouldn’t suck my fingertipz or lick on mah hands
But I begged an' I pleaded an' I danced n’ jived
so she bought me a burger and we went for a drive
Down to the canyon, down to the creek
drove around town for what seemed like a week
Well after a while she said she needed some gas
I said “cant help ya there but I can fill up dat ass!”
A wop bop-a loo-bop, a wop-bang-bow
Made dat white bitch drive me all over town!

Owner Operator said...

now the last efw weeks (or months) you've been bitchnig and moaning about how you dont like that your career is slowing down etc and you dont like that you work behind a bar and dont make money off of music as much anymore etc. and then you hit the nail on the head today saying the music/band/etc is probably more popular than ever. we're all sitting here crying out for the live dvd and a new record from either the falcon or the limbs and maybe a new tshirt to adorn our career minded bodies. so get that dude doing the dvd off his arse and make some spare change outa that, then get off your arse with presumable 3 of your best mates (the two in ya band and that guy that runs a record label) and give me (oops i mean us) something we all want, a new record with a bunch of shows and some tshirts and then you came make some more spare change and then you have two lots of spare change and a job at a bar and we're all happy. and by we i mean me and by me i mean me if your tour comes to australia.

cheesr n beers beeks, we all apreciate the shit you do. we jsut wish you'd do it more. fucker.

love you

Kevin Burnett said...

Hey man, the dudes from Reel Big Fish are twice as old as you, and twice as miserable all the time and half as good as your band (although I like them, and they are pretty fun). They've toured non stop for 20 years or something and all along wanted to kill each other. Man, if they can do it, you gotta have it in you.

Ez90 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ez90 said...

BK-
You say that you are getting old, but you are still the coolest motherfucker I have ever come across. There are so many people that wouldn't be the same if you had decided to work a 9-5 type job rather than play music for a living. That is what really matters. Life isn't about the shit you have, or what your job is. I am pretty sure you have had a lot of amazing times (Which is way more important than anything else). I am also pretty sure I would kill a man to be as awesome as you haha.

Owner Operator said...

@ Ez90
do you have any kids?

Andrew said...

yo gabba gabba is a million times better than most of the garbage kids show available.
don't do the job. selfish

Nate said...

Regarding "old guys" playing music -- pragmatic downshifting is the most frustrating thing ever. When I was 18 and in a band, my goal -- and I knew this was silly then, but it was still unquestionably the goal -- was basically world domination. I mean, when you're that age, it's just so much easier to keep your eyes on the prize. The kind of people who are thinking about having a family at 18 (planned ones, that is) are lame.

Then you get old (band old, that is). I'm 28 now, and most of my close friends from my musical past barely play in any band capacity, no matter how much they'd like to, or how talented they are, because they'd rather give it no attention at all than try to fit a reduced version of it into the semi-responsible adult life they're trying to live (kids, house, taking care of parents, or whatever they're working on). It's just depressing for them, I think. Maybe it reminds them how old they are (my bands do, that's for sure).

Regardless, though, I still play, and I wish more people would hang in there even when they can't put the same kind of effort into it, or realistically shoot for the same goals (especially today, where it's so ridiculously easy to record and distribute music to the entire planet without it being a full-time job). But then again, I've gone on one tour, to a bunch of goofy rural basements, eight years ago. Maybe it's harder to downshift from legitimate ass-kicking.

No joke BK, this blog is really an amazing read for those of us who seriously considered making these kinds of sacrifices in the name of full time touring, etc., and then, for whatever reason, ending up going in the other direction. I don't know which way is "better" (probably neither), but I do know that there are a lot more people on my side of the fence out there trying to get a peek at your side than vice versa.

I'm not sure that's as comforting as being incredibly good looking (what is?), but I thought it might help a little.

NiNa said...

I had a great time last Tuesday/Wednesday at the Risque Cafe. Thanks for the cupcakes and the Marlot - enjoyed both (only my head wasn't too happy about the Marlots the next day - but who cares)! I know this comes a bot late but I just got back to Germany on Saturday from an awesome week in Chicago (and since then i really needed to sleep a lot :) ).