Friday, November 5, 2010

Weekend pep talk

Sometimes things are kind of shitty all of a sudden, you know? Like, remember that episode of the real world that was set in Chicago when the girl that fucked Big Head Todd (the rocker, not just a guy named todd with a big head) was just sitting there and the gay dude came by and pinched her hip and suddenly she went into this shame spiral because she thought that implied that she was fat and she threw a vase and locked herself in a room? Remember that?

No? Really? It was in 2001. Well, it aired in 02, I guess, so you must have been like, what, 9? You have to remember that. It ruined her whole day, and then she had to deal with her fucked up body image and her subsequent casting down into the “fucked up roommate with an eating disorder” stigma right there on television. It was a bummer. For her. For the producers of the show, well, they were high fiving the shit out of each other. Nothing so wonderful as another person’s misery, right? Of course not. Here’s why:

We’ve all got it all figured out. We all know how to diet and raise kids and live life to the fullest and be careful and take chances and all that shit. When someone goes crazy or freaks out or fails it’s just a little bit of reassurance that we’re doing the right thing by not doing whatever that person did that fucked up.

This is true in music, for sure. Watch motherfuckers shit talk fall out boy or the alkaline trio or gaslight anthem and say it’s all bullshit and it’s lame. Then when their album underperforms, these critics say things like “see, knew that shit was no good,” which completely ignores that those bands are still more successful than your dumb dildo friend who washes cars and only listens to Tragedy (nothing against them) and still knew what was good to a greater degree than he knew what was bad. You follow? Good.

When your friends date people and break up, that’s always secretly great. When an aquaintence’s business fails, yay. When the gay guy pinches the chick with the big nose and the cock addiction, uh…wait. No, those people that were high fiving that move were just soulless human traffickers profiting off of insecure teenagers. That’s not the same thing at all. Let’s slow down, eh?

The point is, at some point in your life everything is gonna go to shit, and it may be because some dudes crash some planes into some buildings and your wife dies or it may be because someone touches your hair. And it’s all devastating. Life can really suck the dick off a dog, but there’s always something out there that’ll be coming along that will make up for it, right? Your kid’s gonna grow up, your best buddy is gonna come over with a beer. That one guard that’s been raping you is gonna get cancer. You’re gonna stop having those phantom limb pains after the surgery. You can always duck into the bathroom and fix your hairdo.

Just sayin. Sometimes things all go to shit for seemingly minute reasons. And the world isn’t always cool and sympathetic. Usually, in fact, they’re quite the opposite. But as a great man once said, everybody gets shit on in life. Everyone. The measure of greatness is not what someone can avoid, but how someone deals with what gets heaped on em.
Okay, it was me. I said it. BUT, I’m paraphrasing Daryl Jennifer. So yeah. Credit to him and almighty Jah. I and I survive, y’all.

Big party this weekend and then next week it’s off to the east coast! Get stoked turds.

17 comments:

Shaun said...

The last couple of posts worry me a bit. Obviously if BK was going to empty his soul to a bunch of dicks on the internet, he'd have done it by now, but the material lately seems a little darker with no real uplift than usual, no?

!thriller! said...

I liked the France Realword in like um 03 or 04. Hotties for sure.

EZB said...

hell ya! ready to start my weekend and getting stoked about thursday!

Nick said...

I & I fucking loved real world chicago.

Kevin Burnett said...

See you in Philly pal!

Toto said...

tour south america already!!! seriously, it's the best place ever. you said once you loved australia, well, this is just like australia, but cheaper, and hotter, and with better drugs and booze.
ask todd kowalski or eric melvin, even billie joe said it's the best place he's ever been to, a week ago(yes...billie joe, i know...)

who am i kidding... i hate this here...but everybody who comes just for a while, like on tour , says it's the best place ever.i don't know dude, i really want to see your band at least once before i die.

pd:in one of those Realworld series there was a girl who took a big shit in the jaccuzi, while into it, with other people into it, like diarrhea or something, i'm not kidding, there is a video on youtube,gross...

pd2:did you know that Diarrhea means "flowing through" in greek?

Blake said...

Can't wait for Jersey Shore: Chicago.

Sarah said...

schadenfreude, seems like you're also a fan!

carmichael rogers said...

cancer, that's what I should pray for, eh?

Robb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
It's A-me, Martucci said...

"Carmichael Rogers"?? Holy shit, PLEASE tell me you just wear nothing but a vintage french suede smoking jacket everywhere you go; even just to the circle k for some combos n shit. Nah but seriously, get off the internet

It's A-me, Martucci said...

oh and 'thriller' - you were clearly about 11 circa '03/04--I mean, you have a 'capitalizm iz evil shit yaaaallz' avatar for fuck's sake. So, I highly doubt you were partaking in the garden of forbidden delights that is the real world at the time. Just sayin

Nick said...

Whoa. Sarah's 'Favorite Music' includes such gems as Garth Brooks, Disturbed, and get this, Scott Stapp. You lost, hun?

limited nobility said...

kat dennings-floaters or hangers?alba-translucent pears or translucent pears?

It's A-me, Martucci said...

Nick I considered slangin some sass Sarah's way on account of what you mentioned but you can tell just from her pic alone she's clearly nice as fuck and has a beautiful soul, donates to charity way more than the average dickhead etc etc and so it just felt really rotten. I've an uncanny knack for sensing peoplez true natures based on really vague arbitrary criteria so yea. But props on goin ahead and takin shit there I suppose. Do you struggle with chronic halitosis btw? Just a vibe. O not you sarah - sammich nick here.

ltd - hangers obv. Wouldve preferred leaked nudies of that mary elizabeth winstead skank though, gotta say. btw in stark contrast to sarah up there MEW seems like a truly awful person..just ghastly.

Sean said...

I remember when I used to be able to look around the Sock Drawer without people creating needless personal attacks against each other.

Where's the love and comradery that created this community in the first place?

xiamenb2c02 said...

EFX bracelet is energetic technology designed to instantly increse power.
EFX braceletis an embedded wearable holographic technology

designed to.Shop for high quality wholesale efx bracelet products on DHgate and get worldwide delivery.
silly bandz are a brand of silicone rubber bands formed into shapes including animals, These colorful
silly bandzare made of silicone and die molded in many different

fun shapes. They come in all different shapes, like foods, letters and animalsand and so on.welcome to enjoy colorful silly bandz for free shipping.