Monday, October 31, 2011

hallowwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeen

Do you guys believe in ghosts? It’s kind of a stupid question, because it seems like there are two schools of thought regarding ghosts and they’re this:

Uh, totally. (this one stupid place) is totally haunted and I’ve seen that shit with my own eyes/(some asshole) swears up and down that he’s seen (some weirdly specific ghost, usually female) and you KNOW that he’s not the kind of person that goes for that shit.

Or

What are you, fucking retarded?

I’ve personally never seen a ghost but I have a lot of friends and family that have claimed to have seen them, including my stepdad, who’s a chemist and generally not the kind of person that goes for bullshit like that (although, to be fair, he’s got some ideas about the bible that fall in line with er…’going for bullshit like that,’ I suppose) and he’s DEFINITELY not the kind of guy who’d do drugs or in any way be discombobulated enough that his ‘ghost encounter’ could be blamed on his perception.

According to him, he saw a female by the bookcase in the upstairs hallway of the house I lived in in 1993. I guess she was kind of transparent and she had no feet, although as I type that I’m not sure if he said that or if that’s just how I pictured it. Whatever. That’s not the point. The point is that sober, intelligent chemists don’t tend to just walk over to their stepsons and make up bullshit stories about their experiences of seeing women in their house just because it seems like a funny thing to do. It’s weird. I don’t think I believe in ghosts, but whatever caused him to relay that story to me is at LEAST as unexplainable as the idea that the spirit of a dead woman is floating around checking out our books.

My mom always says shit like ‘that owl that was outside last night, I think it was your grandmother’ which is patently lame. A ‘gut feeling’ ghost sighting is, first of all, ENTIRELY the realm of females and total dipshitty turd guys. There’s no man worth a shit out there who’s ever said anything like that to anyone ever. For whatever reason, on females it’s whimsical and quasi acceptable as long as you’re not bringing it up all the time or blending it with other forms of mysticism crap (an entirely irritating set of interests). Secondly, it cheapens the entire notion of supernatural phenomena in the same way that dumb kooks who don’t want to listen to science because they willfully choose to be stupid cheapen the intellect of conservatives by and large. (at this point it should be overtly noted that ‘cheapening the entire notion of supernatural phenomena’ is a hilarious thing to be concerned about. It’s like saying that the guy that’s going weeks without showering is cheapening the reputation of all the known sex offenders at the halfway house).

Make no mistake, there’s weird shit out there. Like I was saying with regards to my step dad. I tend to think he didn’t see a ghost, but fuck me if SOMETHING weird didn’t go down, right? And that shit happens all the time. There are things that cannot be explained and that fall under the category of ghosty supernaturalist shit and perhaps it IS ghosts, but maybe ghosts aren’t actually the wandering souls of the departed, but they’re something else entirely, like cosmic energy waves or some other such bullshit that’s impossible to talk about without sounding like a fruitcake.

Anyway, my point is that the world is weird and there is shit out there that can’t be explained, and if that all falls under the category of ‘ghosts’ then fuck it, I guess I believe in that, but I don’t think my grandpa is in the attic or in the dog or any of that shit, and I don’t think the dali lama is the same guy and I am vastly more afraid of living people than I am of the dead, so I dunno…am I repurposing the word or just prattling on like a dipshit? Whatever. Happy Halloween. My kid was a butterfly/Olivia Newton john and the other one was a dinosaur/Dash from the incredibles. And the shit’s mind meltingly cute.
xoxoxo

22 comments:

Robb said...

A ‘gut feeling’ ghost sighting is, first of all, ENTIRELY the realm of females and total dipshitty turd guys"

Quoted for truth

Robb said...

That said, I've certainly seen my share of dead grandparents inhabiting owls, so what of that? Siiiiiiilas it's yooooou

Robb said...

"There are things that cannot be explained and that fall under the category of ghosty supernaturalist shit and perhaps it IS ghosts, but maybe ghosts aren’t actually the wandering souls of the departed, but they’re something else entirely, like cosmic energy waves or some other such bullshit that’s impossible to talk about without sounding like a fruitcake"

What are you, fucking retarded?

Robb said...

I know, I know. Not like me to go for the obvious joke, and I'm sorry. You all deserve more. Most of you don't actually, but, standards n shit

BEEXtrix Potter said...

'Why won't my p' tweet - Oh yes, simply miiiiiind blowing Brendan! Without actually looking into it, seems like your standard issue Yahoo answers question made by a 7th grader.

BEEXtrix Potter said...

Google 'Paz de la huerta u' for a miiiiind blowing (-ly accurate) google autosuggest heeheehoooooooooooooooooooooooooo

BEEXtrix Potter said...

Google 'Lindsay Lohan complete faggot' to ensure a funny outcome that Google autosuggest may not be able to provide on its own

Autotwats/Decepticunts said...

Google image search 'Lights' to get a couple random pics of the Canadian synth pop artist along with mostly pictures of standard lights. ooooooo can yall imagine how stuck up that broad is? Holy fuck

Anne said...

I love this page for a lot of different reasons. One of them is the verbal free-for-all that takes place. Even when someone hates what I say and guts me for it, I like it. That said, I'm coming at this from another culture. There is, in the UK, a form of humour, ideology and intellect that is very much like this demographic. It exists in Northern England and in Glasgow, Scotland. Given the vast difference in social and political pressures and history, it's interesting to find something so similar in the States. And I cannot identify a point of common origin for it. If someone feels the need to gut me for this, it won't bother me a bit as I'm curious about you guys and in June I'll be going back home.

Anne said...

And one other thing, the States is a wonderful tax haven for me and my people. We love you guys.

Anne said...

And no I don't believe in ghosts, but zombies, yes those are definately real. I think Lindsay Lohan might be a zombie and Madonna too. Everytime I think those two are dead they keep coming back. Does anybody have a flamethrower handy so I can test my theory?

It's A-Me, Martucci said...

Brendan, have you ever heard someone use the term 'negative nancy' in person? Were you able to restrain yourself from strangling them, or at the very least boxing their ears? It's even worse if they have a headcold and/or New England-y accent

It's A-Me, Martucci said...

Ohh come now Anne. People from Scotland aren't funny. I've seen Trainspotting (unfortunately)

Anne said...

Martucci you're wrong. They are sharp tongued, quick-witted, intelligent and funny. Banter is blood sport and an art form for them. They'll chew you up and spit you out and leave you wondering what the hell happened. Go pub crawling some time in Edinburgh, a shit movie is just a shit movie. Travel Martucci, travel. Leave the safe world you know behind and take chances. It'll be good for you. The Scots won't kill you, they'll just insult you. It's good for the soul.

Anne said...

What the fuck happened to nice, awkward Anne? She pissed me off so I ate her. hehe

Autotwats/Decepticunts said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
It's A-Me, Martucci said...

Hehe, yea it's almost as though my last remark presented a two-pronged attack of comedic absurdism (the notion I have an entire people's collective comedic prowess down pat from watching a single movie) alongside its primary aim of taking a cheap jab at an overrated flick's inexplicable enduring popularity, or something

Anne I just fffffffarted~! ewwwwww

Anne said...

Thank you Martucci. Phwoooosh

Sarah_D_37 said...

Well. This was an interesting post...

I believe in energy, and spirits. I also believe in coincidences. I think a lot of times things happen that are entirely coincidental. People take it as 'a sign' from their God, their loved ones, whatever/ wherever they want it to be from.

We are all energy - energy can not be created nor destroyed, we only change forms. Once our bodies cease to exist - our energy (or spirit) has to go somewhere. Right?

I could tell many stories about encounters that I have had with energy, and spirits... We all have encounters all of the time. It is just a matter of being open to it, and aware of it. You can go to your local bar, or WaWa and come home with a few energies attached to you... But that is a whole other talk show...

My mother passed away in April of 2008. We had a very close relationship up until the last two years of her life... There are things that happen that could be pure coincidence, and I choose to believe they are her showing me she is around. Or it REALLY could be her dropping by to let me know she is ok. Either way, I don't give a shit. It makes me feel better, and brings me comfort.

Anyway - I had created an email address for my mom years ago (because she was computer illiterate) all contacts that I had were added to my messenger from the email provider. About two years ago - I noticed that every time I would sign into the instant messenger, I would get this odd message. It would say (mother's email address here) wants to be your contact Do you want to - Yes, add to my contact list / No, thanks. I click yes every time - and it still comes up. It could be a glitch, but then why is it only her out of my (however many) contacts? and if it were a glitch, wouldn't it stop after the first time - when I "add her" as a contact?

That is all...

Jeremy Hollinger: Consummate Purfeshinal said...

Sarah...goddamnit

Sarah_D_37 said...

yes?

Boombox-27 said...

Sarah, this may be a month late, but you have a different definition of "energy" than anyone associated with any actual scientific or bio-related field. So, when you say "energy" cannot be created or destroyed, you're right about scientific energy (as a unit of work), but not that voodoo bullshit you're talking about. Energy is not spirit, it is a measurable quantity. Replace "energy" with "aura" in your post. That's what you really mean, and it shows how silly you come off.

The human mind's a fucked up thing and can make us think some fucked up things. It's amazing how light going through dust particles (or snything natural...) and a bit of pareidolia can make someone really believe they saw something supernatural. They're not stupid or crazy, it's just the way we're wired.