Wednesday, December 1, 2010

who's next!??!

Hey y’all. Thanks for bearing with me yesterday. I felt terrible. I was actually up all night tossing and turning last night too for some semi nameless reason, so today marks the uh…I dunno, ten zillionth day in a row that I’m exhausted. Whatever.

I’ve been out with the vampires in Pennsylvania. Did you know that there were vampires out there? It’s true. That’s what happens when you end a place name with –Sylvania. Vampires move in. It’s like how young white hipster kids move into black neighborhoods that suddenly become predominantly latino. Or cancer when it moves into your bones. I dunno. Listen, this vampire had the biggest house I’ve ever been in. It was pretty wild. Okay, I’ll start somewhere in the middle and go from there.

This guy’s name was Bam. Now, I’d never heard of him before but apparently he’s famous for having a big fat dad that he punches while he’s sleeping or something. I dunno. It doesn’t make any sense to me either, but he was obviously rich. His compound (it was too vast and sprawling to call it a house) had what looked like an airplane hangar on it, and a big treehouse and a gigantic mural of Osama Bin Laden on the garage and a ton of purple cars and…well, honestly everything was purple. So, keep that in mind. Every single thing at this guy’s zone was purple, from the tricked out go karts to the little display cases that held all the various suits of armor in the living room to the pool table and the giant TV.

Oh, did I not mention that this house was actually kind of a castle and it was packed to the gills with swords and armor and helmets and all sorts of wacky shit like that? Or that there was a radio station inside (where some guy from CKY interviewed me and my friend Matt [but left my mic off {I’m pretty sure}])Or that there was a dude there who spray painted his dick silver and stretched out naked on the couch (which was actually a backyard swimming pool sized beanbag chair) in one of these helmets while a dude named louie flipped said silver dick back and forth between his hands like some sort of slinky?

Yeah. It was a real scene. Look, I gotta drive my wife somewhere and take my kids to a museum or something, so I gotta run. Sorry to leave you hanging right when it gets good.
We’ll talk more about this another time.
xoxox

12 comments:

Sickie27 said...

I hope this story continues with you asking about his dick and sex tape!

jackson said...

Is it just me or does bam seem like a stereotypical rich white kid who acts crazy like hes acting out against the society that made him so rich to futher progress his vast wealth by tricking young poor kids into buying into his shit? I dunno, hes probably an alright guy when the cameras are off but he seems like a douche. Although maybe its just my poor status and jealousy talking. Whatever. Rock on bk, museums are rad.

Banana@1000MPH said...

I feel like you fell asleep watching re-runs of Viva La Bam last night.

Donnie said...

Skiba posted something on twitter about hanging out with Bam too...

limited nobility said...

just watched the skiba acoustic vid.Man!He has to call his supposedly "legit" non demo upcoming solo record "guided by vices" since he loves bad-ish puns and he clearly is.he could also just call it bad-ish.

limited nobility said...

In the middle of bam's soiree you shoulda made a bit of a stink and attempted to get people to crowd around you and your Iphone and without any apparent irony just read aloud one of your personal favorite bsc posts and tried to show em the comments section and shit."and then there's niggariusis who may in fact be the virtual visor"Just really run the thing into the ground

Kevin Burnett said...

I remember when I was a kid they would just ride shopping carts into curbs and bushes and stuff, and hang flyers up around my high school for CKY videos..none of this purple flying crafts made out of dildos and mansions made of dicks painted like dildos,,,however, if they hadn't opened The Note in my beautiful hometown, I never would have had the opportunity to hear you explain the alternate lyrics to 'Piss and Vinegar' to me so...awesome stuff, then.

Kevin said...

Just a little, uh, tuckered out there, huh 't?

'ts...

!thriller! said...

I've noticed that every time a new season of Bam's show comes out or a new "movie" (if you can even call it that), old friends are not there and new ones have come in. Does he pay people to hang out with him? If so how much would you charge, Brendan, for a typical Friday night?

It's A-me, Martucci said...

'thriller' - growing up, would your mom regurgitate food to you the same way a momma birdy regurgitates food to its hatchlings? Just a vibe, you honest to god idiot

Dale said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ThatKid said...

For your viewing enjoyment- Brendan Kelly:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqn9Bf2Tg0A&feature=related