Yeah, the Cubs lost. It’s a drag. Now I have to go to work. I kind of had a panic attack this morning…it was real strange. I always feel like I can handle whatever gets thrown at me and this morning I was kind of paralyzed because there were dirty dishes and I have to get a few days off of work…What the fuck is that about? It’s passed now, but I was sweating and kind of losing it. Just writing this is making me nervous. I gotta quit sniffing glue.
Okay, it’s come to my attention that there are lots and lots of things out there that are nowhere near as great as people say they are. This will be a small sampling of said items. As always, this is fact based, and therefore your differing opinions are wrong. AND just to be clear, some of these things are pretty good, just not the fucking end all-be all that they’re made out to be.
Ronald Reagan’s political legacy- Seriously? Does no one remember the 80’s? This guy was charismatic and it was fun to listen to his hard assed rasp give a speech, but he was a pretty shitty president. That’s the last time we had bank failures and massive unemployment, for fucks sake! Nowdays, republicans from McCain to Sean Hannity talk about Reagan in hushed tones. I guess it’s because there’s no one else on the roster. It’s kind of like I say to my baby. He’s my favorite son, but based on his competition, he’s also my least favorite son…it’s just how it goes.
Bruce Springsteen- This guy, okay, he’s fine. I think it’s funny that a tiny jew with an afro and penchant for black guy music has kind of recapitulated himself as the all American boy and no one even blinked. See? That’s funny. He’s like Reagan though. Everyone these days just worships at the Springsteen altar like he’s the rockinist dude of all time. Well, here’s a news flash: Just because he played a telecaster it doesn’t forgive the fact that he was pretty cheesy and only marginally and occasionally ballsy. Now, if you’re from Jersey, I get it. He’s your boy, and that’s cool. He’s like Jon Bon Jovi’s predecessor and everything. But otherwise. Come on. Seriously, pound for pound, Springsteen is about as bad ass as Billy Joel. (Hey, shutuppayouface!)
Burritos- They’re fucking huge! Who needs all that? The veggie ones you can cut in half and put in the fridge, but if you do that with Al Pastor or carnitas, it gets inedible pretty quick. I eat burritos pretty regularly. I just don’t believe how much they dominate the consciousness of what Mexican food should be. Have a torta every now and then.
The Dark Knight- It was okay. Heath Ledger was good. The rest of the movie, not so much. Do an experiment. Think of the movie without Heath Ledger, or without the joker in general. There’s still a hero and a villain, there’s still romance and a fall from grace and a story arc. It’s just not that good. I know, he’s in there, so what does it matter? Well, I tend to think the uh…BIGGEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME or whatever, probably up for Oscars, should have more than one compelling character.
New York- Great town. The chick from the Flavor of Love series though? Fuck man…she’s got dudes lining up to catch her gross pussy diseases and get yelled at by her crypt-keeper-in-blackface-and-drag mom. For 3 seasons? That’s lots of dudes! I don’t get it. I guess I’m old. Kids these days.
MC Ren- He was in a great group, but don’t give me this MC Ren is the best MC in NWA shit. Ice Cube was amazing back then and Ren was just trying to keep up. He did a decent job, but once Cube left and Ren had to write all Easy’s Rhymes, he fell off. There’s no Dopeman verse on Efil4zaggiN, nothing close. Well, Automobile is pretty great. That’s a whole different kind of thing, but it’s rad. Here’s a fun thing to do: Go download “Automobile” by NWA and play it for your mom. It’ll be a hoot.
That’s all for now. I know, pretty short, incomplete and totally wrong list. Well, I have to work. Commence telling me about how badass bruce springsteen and billy joel are. Drunk driving is not cool, though, and will not be accepted as proof of bad assness, so yeah. Chew on that.