Oh yeah. Back to the grind. It’s been a long time since I worked, and it’s been great, but that all ends today. Fuck. Okay, so here’s what I’m most looking forward to: These smug dipshits who, for the last year have been sitting on the other side of my bar crying to me about how America is too stupid to ever see that the less conservative, slightly more tan/less dead looking candidate was the better choice. I would always respond with “that’s bullshit. That’s elitism and defeatism” and these guys would get even more smug and grin and say “we’ll see. I know this country, man.” This is the point where I would tell them that I did too, and, in fact, I’ve regularly traveled all over this thing for the past fifteen years. AND I’ve talked a lot of politics and registered a lot of kids to vote. Then they just would get all pitying, and look at me like a dumb dreamer, like the way a jaded hockey coach looks at a kid who talks about how it’s gonna be when he’s on the Blues or something.
Well, I can fucking PROMISE you that these same dipshits (I’m thinking of three specific guys and I’m guessing a few randoms) will be in there today talking about how “we did it, man!” and just glowering down their noses at the pathetic Republicans. And, it would cost me my tips and perhaps even my job to say “You didn’t do shit but try to discourage people on your own side and decry the ability of your country to make a simple choice. Now, you’re acting like your shit doesn’t stink just because the ‘dummies’ came around for you? Guess what? THAT’S the elitist liberal attitude that pisses people off in the first place, you fucking retard. It’s not that someone is articulate or intelligent, it’s the smug dicks who cry that everyone’s a mongo and then laugh at everyone else when shit just happens to turn around. That’s the attitude that got Bush elected the second time. Oh, and John Kerry was an ineffectual douche who couldn’t inspire a horny diahrettic baboon to fling shit at a potential mate. I mean, that’s a factor.
OKAY, so I’m not saying it was wrong to be depressed after that election or the one before it. Fuck, I was. I remember after the 2000 election I wrote a piece for punkvoter.com that essentially called the whole of America a bunch of retards. I understand that frustration. HOWEVER, that’s in the face of results, not potential. There’s a big difference between being disappointed when something fails, and never believing it can succeed. Just throwing that out there.
So, awesome. I have to be a bartender again. My baby is not adjusting well to daylight savings, or more to the point, he’s not adjusting at all. He just took that six thirty wake up time and made it five thirty using nothing but consistency. He’s like Mao when he made all the clocks in China run the same, sun position be damned. Result? Fuck. So tired. Last night was my class and it was pretty funny. There are some real fucking dorks up in that piece. AND, in what’s become a rather pleasant surprise, there are some really funny people as well. My skit was about a know-it-all drug counselor. I guess it’s like getting kicked in the balls. It doesn’t look funny just written down, but believe me, it’s hilarious.
I’ve been eating like a champ ever since super Tuesday. Is it super Tuesday or is that something else? Who cares? I’ve had a cheese steak, wings, pizza, cheese and crackers, a bacon cheeseburger, mac and cheese and some combos (cheddar cheese pretzel). My guts are rotten right now. I think I need some broccoli or something.
There was a question I was gonna answer…Hmmmm. I don’t know. Forget it. Oh, you know what? What’s fucking wrong with people in California? You’d think out there where it’s like, on the state charter that you have to be, or at least dress gay to truly live there that they’d be a little less insensitive to a basic human rights issue, right? I guess all those frosted tips and tank tops are just to get the panties off, huh? Huh. It’s a bummer, because it kind of taints (cobras) a great election AND it really sets back the cause. AND if shit like that can go down in California, what does that say about the two dudes blowing each other in Oklahoma City’s chances of ever getting a marriage license? Well, it’s not good anyway. So, gay dudes in OKC, if you’re listening, maybe just move. I am positive you’ll be happier somewhere that doesn’t have dumb congresswomen getting standing ovations for comparing you to the devil. Fuck. One step forward, one step back.
I take it back, we’re doomed.
Nah, it’s a joke you spineless turds! Don’t you see how demoralizing that shit is, though? I got into punk rock because I really loved the way that the message in my favorite songs was always a “fuck everyone, I’m gonna do this or I’m gonna do my best and I’m not gonna quit, and fuck you if you don’t like it, and fuck you if you’re against me, but if you’re with me, then I’m with you” kind of vibe. And that’s still in the songs. But where is that attitude in practice? I mean, that’s hardly exclusive to punk rock, (take R Kelly’s smooth jam “I believe I can fly” if you need an example) but you never really see that attitude out there. Maybe you do, but there’s so much negativity and depression too. That’s fine when everything is great. It’s great to be disenfranchised and looking for ways to detail life when things are good. But when everything’s fucked? You gotta believe, man. That’s why those stories of dusty little kids playing music with dog bones and tin cans and shit in some village with no drinking water are so inspiring. That’s why people like George Carlin are so inspiring. Look around. If you’re on point with the general mood, you’re not trying hard enough. Be bummed if you must, but be hopeful.
Fuck man, I should be a motivational speaker. I’ll bring out my wife and my books on tape and you all can pay $250 to come see me run back and forth and scream shrill easy answers in chant form at you. I’ll have an affable smile and a suit that’s nice without being intimidating. My wife (I’ll have to trade the current one in) must be blonde with huge cans and a revealing tight dress. She is the human embodiment of me achieving everything that America has promised I can achieve. I’ll be athletic without being beefy and I’ll listen to you when you tell me about your job, then I’ll smile, clap you on the back, recite the one of about twenty five canned comments that most closely applies to your situation and move on. I’ll have stock in Coca Cola and Exxon, but I’ll tell you what really made me rich…my relationships with other people.
That’s motivation, right? Or I could be one of those fat slobs like the dude from “according to Jim” who bangs the hot chick against all odds. Actually, that seems a lot easier. I’m gonna go with that.