Okay, is it even legal to have this fascination with Hannah Montana? I don’t personally care about her, but she seems like she’s everywhere. And it’s not even Hannah, it’s her skanky alter ego, Miley that’s all over the place. She’s fucking some twenty year old guy and people can’t get enough of it. Hmmm…creepy? I think so. It’s gotta have something to do with this whole 24 hours of news, 7 days a week thing that we’ve decided was a good idea for some reason. Here’s the problem with that. Journalists, by and large, are uncreative and marginally talented. This isn’t the slight to journalists that it seems. The same is true for any demographic. Musicians, by and large are uncreative and marginally talented. That’s why there are ten thousand records in a store and none you want to buy. Actors, by and large are uncreative and marginally talented. That’s’ why for every DeNiro in Taxi Driver, there are a thousand Ashton Kutchers in What Happens In Vegas. Okay, so just so no one soils their precious journalist panties, it’s an across the board thing, not exclusive to journalists. HOWEVER, journalists do have one distinction, namely they’ve decided that they would not be qualified to actually participate in their field of interest, and instead have opted to discuss it, either through harsh snap judgments, completely lifeless non-biased recitation or in the rare, rare, rare, rare, rare case, something approaching a stand alone piece of decent writing. This, however, is rare.
So, now that we’ve established that, we’ve got this problem. We need shit going on 24 hours a day, seven days a week for these pundits, journalists, and various talking heads and experts to discuss on these twenty four hour news channels. There has to be news or there’s no programming, then there are no commercials, then there’s no revenue and then MSNBC goes off the air and Keith Olbermann has to go back to bagging groceries at the I-26 Winn Dixie, and no one wants that. He’s such a smug bastard. “did you know that even though this says fat free, it still contains corn syrup, so really it’s more fattening than the regular product?” Just bag the groceries Olbermann. Fuck.
The problem is that OJ isn’t always killing and JonBenet isn’t always being killed. There’s not that much news out there. And the news that is out there is deathly uninteresting to Americans. I mean, who cares about some more brown people dead in some other landslide/flood/earthquake/genocide/civil war? Right? All the way on the other side of the world? Whatever. That shit’s depressing. I wonder what’s going on with Miley. Is she still fucking that twenty year old? Is Bill O’reilly gonna ask her if she plans to stay a virgin? I hope so. I loved the way he handled the Jamie Lynn pregnancy. SO, this is what happens. These vapid talking heads and various anorexic/manorexic news ciphers give the people what they want, which is a lot like giving someone a Dorito. At first, no one wants a Dorito. At best, there’s ambivalence. However, after that first one, oh fuck, lock the doors and batten down the nacho cheese, man, those Dorito’s are as good as gone. It’s the same way with this pseudo news. Once you start, you can just sit there and judge people you don’t know who are richer and better looking than you and it’s nice, it’s easy and there’s no worries. Who the fuck wants real news after that? Especially since the real news is usually no good anyway.
I don’t know. I’m not calling for people to get out there and find out what’s happening (I mean, you should, but are you gonna do it because I said so? No. Therefore, I’m not gonna waste our time) I just don’t want to see that girl anymore. WHY is she in the column on the side of CNN.com? I can’t get away from her. I need some solitude.
Remember solitude? Up until I was about 23, I’d find myself, several times a day, just alone, walking, driving, sitting around some coffee shop/bar/bookstore/dildo exchange and I’d just sort of think and relax and it was part of the natural ebb and flow of my day. Now, I can’t walk from my door to my car without making or receiving a phone call. It’s pretty crazy how much cell phones have transformed human existence. Remember the days of making plans and then having to keep them? There was a time when people would talk and say things like “all right, so then I’ll meet you Friday on the corner of broadway and Oakdale at 730” and YOU’D HAVE TO REMEMBER AND BE THERE? EVEN if the conversation took place on a Monday? Remember pulling up and honking the horn to get someone to come outside? Remember walking or driving and not jib jabbing with Bethany about how fucking dope miley’s boots were last week when she played at Knotts Berry Farm? Ah the old days. BUT, I had to walk six miles to school through a rain of stomach bile and period blood in boots made of goat dicks, so in a way, the young people have it better now. Hmmm.
Fuck man. I gotta go to work. My kid’s never gonna know solitude. That’s kind of weird. Eh, whatever. Have a good weekend. I’m gonna sleep.