Friday, November 14, 2008

It's still a felony!

Okay, is it even legal to have this fascination with Hannah Montana? I don’t personally care about her, but she seems like she’s everywhere. And it’s not even Hannah, it’s her skanky alter ego, Miley that’s all over the place. She’s fucking some twenty year old guy and people can’t get enough of it. Hmmm…creepy? I think so. It’s gotta have something to do with this whole 24 hours of news, 7 days a week thing that we’ve decided was a good idea for some reason. Here’s the problem with that. Journalists, by and large, are uncreative and marginally talented. This isn’t the slight to journalists that it seems. The same is true for any demographic. Musicians, by and large are uncreative and marginally talented. That’s why there are ten thousand records in a store and none you want to buy. Actors, by and large are uncreative and marginally talented. That’s’ why for every DeNiro in Taxi Driver, there are a thousand Ashton Kutchers in What Happens In Vegas. Okay, so just so no one soils their precious journalist panties, it’s an across the board thing, not exclusive to journalists. HOWEVER, journalists do have one distinction, namely they’ve decided that they would not be qualified to actually participate in their field of interest, and instead have opted to discuss it, either through harsh snap judgments, completely lifeless non-biased recitation or in the rare, rare, rare, rare, rare case, something approaching a stand alone piece of decent writing. This, however, is rare.
So, now that we’ve established that, we’ve got this problem. We need shit going on 24 hours a day, seven days a week for these pundits, journalists, and various talking heads and experts to discuss on these twenty four hour news channels. There has to be news or there’s no programming, then there are no commercials, then there’s no revenue and then MSNBC goes off the air and Keith Olbermann has to go back to bagging groceries at the I-26 Winn Dixie, and no one wants that. He’s such a smug bastard. “did you know that even though this says fat free, it still contains corn syrup, so really it’s more fattening than the regular product?” Just bag the groceries Olbermann. Fuck.
The problem is that OJ isn’t always killing and JonBenet isn’t always being killed. There’s not that much news out there. And the news that is out there is deathly uninteresting to Americans. I mean, who cares about some more brown people dead in some other landslide/flood/earthquake/genocide/civil war? Right? All the way on the other side of the world? Whatever. That shit’s depressing. I wonder what’s going on with Miley. Is she still fucking that twenty year old? Is Bill O’reilly gonna ask her if she plans to stay a virgin? I hope so. I loved the way he handled the Jamie Lynn pregnancy. SO, this is what happens. These vapid talking heads and various anorexic/manorexic news ciphers give the people what they want, which is a lot like giving someone a Dorito. At first, no one wants a Dorito. At best, there’s ambivalence. However, after that first one, oh fuck, lock the doors and batten down the nacho cheese, man, those Dorito’s are as good as gone. It’s the same way with this pseudo news. Once you start, you can just sit there and judge people you don’t know who are richer and better looking than you and it’s nice, it’s easy and there’s no worries. Who the fuck wants real news after that? Especially since the real news is usually no good anyway.
I don’t know. I’m not calling for people to get out there and find out what’s happening (I mean, you should, but are you gonna do it because I said so? No. Therefore, I’m not gonna waste our time) I just don’t want to see that girl anymore. WHY is she in the column on the side of CNN.com? I can’t get away from her. I need some solitude.
Remember solitude? Up until I was about 23, I’d find myself, several times a day, just alone, walking, driving, sitting around some coffee shop/bar/bookstore/dildo exchange and I’d just sort of think and relax and it was part of the natural ebb and flow of my day. Now, I can’t walk from my door to my car without making or receiving a phone call. It’s pretty crazy how much cell phones have transformed human existence. Remember the days of making plans and then having to keep them? There was a time when people would talk and say things like “all right, so then I’ll meet you Friday on the corner of broadway and Oakdale at 730” and YOU’D HAVE TO REMEMBER AND BE THERE? EVEN if the conversation took place on a Monday? Remember pulling up and honking the horn to get someone to come outside? Remember walking or driving and not jib jabbing with Bethany about how fucking dope miley’s boots were last week when she played at Knotts Berry Farm? Ah the old days. BUT, I had to walk six miles to school through a rain of stomach bile and period blood in boots made of goat dicks, so in a way, the young people have it better now. Hmmm.
Fuck man. I gotta go to work. My kid’s never gonna know solitude. That’s kind of weird. Eh, whatever. Have a good weekend. I’m gonna sleep.

16 comments:

John Brown Style said...

I haven't been away from the days of solitude for long, but I'm already longing to live back at home and not give a shit or have to care about other people.

SauliosBJ123 said...

I believe she referred to that guy as "a great Christian guy", because, as we all know, Jesus loved to fuck middle schoolers back in his day.

dan638563 said...

Do you think Blake's new band "The Thorns of Life" will be good? or just hey people blow there load over anything related to Jawbreaker now, so I could sell these people farting noises and they might buy it.

John Barrett said...

AIDS infected goat-dicks.

Manny Los Gatos said...

Call me crazy, but I allowed the internet to display the non-secure items.

You made me laugh with that goat dick thing, and I never laugh.

Thanks.

M! said...

Those boots were really popular though.

M!

DrivingCyclopsStyle said...

I find solitude by finding may ways to execute zombies on xbox.

Or just kicking it on front of the house sippin some 40's playing some Vanilla Ice. ;P

david said...

Despite the fact that I am studying to be a journalist, I cannot help but agree with you. Most journalists are shit and tend to only get into the field to be on television or the radio. Personally, I am rather disgusted by the work most journalists do. This may raise the question as to why I decided to major in a field that I don't really respect? Well, that is because I want to be able to actually give journalists a good reputation again. I don't want the American news media to be seen as the joke that it is. I want to be able to transform the medium into something purposeful. I know that it will be hard to do all by myself, but I feel that people will be able to recognize good work from the shit that gets praised in todays marketplace or at least I hope.

deanna said...
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deanna said...

you forgot "remember making friends without the help of myspace" i forgot what that was like about 7 years ago. fuck getting someone you meet at a party's number...just find them on myspace! i used to hate cellphones and now i have to have mine with me at all times. remember having to wait until AFTER work to make plans with people? i totally feel you, brendan. i just want to be left alone.

ilovegoats69 said...

butt.

Sickie27 said...

I'm not really ashamed to admit it: I'm all for Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, the Jonas Brothers and such. I know what's going on with them without reading through all the magazines and such. And I enjoy it, it's entertaining. But in no way do I obsess about their lives. But how else would I know that the Jonas Brothers are all legal for me to touch now?



I'm too anti-social to even really have a choice but to be alone most of the time. I'll ignore texts, calls, IMs, MySpace comments, etc sometimes. It has become to easy to become completely lame these days now.

nick_k99 said...

Hey Brendan

I can definitely relate to that feeling like you're never alone with your thoughts anymore. So much shit is forced down our throats these days. As much as i love technology sometimes i do wish things were simpler. Whenever i have time off from uni i just hibernate for a good few days and don't leave my house. It's all about the 'me time'. Oh and your blog is genius.

nick_k99 said...
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Nate said...

I totally think it's true that most of everything is crap. I got a lot happier when I just admitted that I thought that. For a long time I was all like "I'm a commie so I can't believe that, that's elitist" and I did all these mental gymnastics to get away from it but it's just true. Name anything, most examples of that thing aren't very good.

DrewYork said...

nihilistic Nate comin' at yuh!