evacuate the dancefloor!

Gentlemen: It’s night. You’re at some dumb bar/club. You’ve been drinking. You want to get laid, or perhaps you just want a blowjob. You begin to notice that all the girls that feature the kind of external indicators that get you in the mood for blowjob receiving are on the dance floor. “But I don’t dance.” You think to yourself. You look out onto the dance floor. There are dipshit dudes dancing around. Some are great dancers, most look kind of stupid. You think to yourself “hey, fuck it. I’m drunk. I don’t really dance, but I can’t possibly be as bad of a dancer as that greasy dipshit with the sweatstains and the three hundred dollar jeans over there” and you decide to get out there and go for it. I mean, fuck. Check out that guy! He’s dancing with two hot chicks! They seem into him. Again, fuck it. You gulp down the last of your beer, grab a new one and hit the floor, bobbing up and down like a flailing mongo, holding your beer over your head and kind of smiling/raising your eyebrows at girls that you happen to be in the proximity of.
And it begins.
You’ve just painted the scarlet letter of the total loser on your own forehead, my friend. Sorry. We’ve pretty much all tried this, and I can safely say that the success rate of this plan is pretty close to zero percent (I’m only counting the entire history of biped mammals here, though). This is like trying to get to the moon by reinforcing the springs on your trampoline or trying to get high smoking banana peels. It’s a nice little try, but you’re ignoring some empirical and immutable data that’s just not gonna change, no matter how hard you try to believe.
See, women go out to dance. They call up their girlfriends and they go out to dance. Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking about those clubs in Miami or wherever when dudes just happen to end up dancing with hot chicks, then they sit down, they’re all hot from the sensual magnetism of their shared love of dance and all that and next thing you know: boom! Pussy town!
Well, no. That’s not how it works. Women go out dancing in groups and the first rule to picking up chicks is there’s almost no way to separate one girl from a group of girls under any circumstances. Women rely SO much on what their friends think of their choices. That’s why you’ll constantly hear women mention that they dress sexy for other girls, not guys (which, frankly is obvious, because if they dressed sexy for guys it would be pretty simple: tits out, minimal beav coverage. Boom! Guys are impressed. [oh, and any guy that says that they think that is disgusting is JUST saying that as part of a more advanced ploy to get laid, by the way. Sure, it may be disgusting. Hell, it’s USUALLY kind of disgusting. But dicks speak loudly, and when shit’s out there, it can be both disgusting and bangable, so don’t let him fool you, ladies.]) Now, back to the situation (heyooo!). You’re trying to lure one girl away from a group of girls, well, chances are you have some fundamental flaws in the eyes of at least one of the girls in the group, and therefore, in the eyes of the girl you’re trying to impress, EVEN IF SHE LIKES YOU, you equal a potential bad decision, frumpy bag or ugly pair of shoes in the eyes of her friends. No chick is just gonna walk away from her group of friends and bone you. Sorry, you’re not Robert Pattinson, bro. And that’s just in ANY situation. Okay, back to dancing.
The girls go out dancing together. First clue that they aren’t looking to get laid. Women that go out to get laid go out to places where they can be approached, and go in either pairs, mixed groups or alone. Period. Sure, there’s a wayward drunk slut here and there, but that’s not something you can bank on, and in my experience, she ends up barfing or getting too stupid to deal with before deal-sealing time anyhow. So anyway…
Know why I’ve never had a girlfriend of mine ever ask me if I wanted to go dancing? She knows the answer. SURE, she’ll say shit like, “well, I wish you’d come dancing with us” but that’s doublespeak-jive-talk, man. She wants a Man. That’s why she’s interested in me. If she wanted a guy that would go dancing, she would have picked a VASTLY different dude, and she knows this. Look at all her friends. They don’t like dudes who dance either. Know why? Because dudes that dance fall into three categories: Gay, Jersey Shore, and Creepy Loner Who Still Hasn’t Figured Out That Groping A Stranger’s Ass Is Still Totally Unacceptable, Even On A Dance Floor. Which one are you? Okay, then. You’re not getting laid. No one’s ever gotten laid on the dancefloor, don’t let the Pussycat dolls fool you. Just let those ladies enjoy their girls night out. If you really, truly think you can fuck em, go to the Ihop at 4am, because that’s where they’ll all wind up. Drunk and messy and shoveling pancakes in their mouths and farting up a storm. Good luck.