Gooooooooooood morning. I just learned how to turn off the censor when I google image search, so I’ve been wasting time typing ‘dong’ and ‘vagina’ and just kind of chuckling for the past twenty or so minutes. I was just reading about vaginaplasty when my browser crashed. Apparently this is a hot thing nowdays. No flaps, no curtains. Just a modern, sleek clearly delineated vagina. Nothing but clean lines, it’s the embodiment of cosmopolitan sophistication. Unforch for you, your vagina isn’t so nice. It’s, well, flappity…Uneven. Hey, not your fault though. Some people go bald, some people are born with baby tyrannosaurus arms, some people do everything they can and still cart around a spare tire of unsightly flab. You, you’ve got a repulsive vagina. So go ahead. Do what you know you want to do and pay a few thousand dollars to get the pussy you never knew you always wanted until suddenly you saw this article and asked yourself “oh my god! What is this disgusting squid that I’ve been sitting on all this time? I must, MUST do something about this!” Go on. I’ll wait.
It’s a good, solid idea. Sure, it diminishes sexual pleasure, but hey, no one’s hitting the heights of arousal while they’re all self conscious about their clam either, right? It seems pretty obvious to me that bare minimum, it’s an even trade. Get it? Even? Heh. Also, while you’re down there fixing stuff, you should really bleach your asshole. Sorry, but it’s true. It’s gross. Yeah, it is. And don’t roll your eyes at me. Asshole appearance IS important. It’s everything, frankly, and yours, the way it’s a slightly different hue than the immediately surrounding assflesh, it’s…well, it’s distracting, if I’m being honest. So, be a dear and while you’re getting your vagina tailored, bleach out your asshole too. An extra couple grand, tops.
This is shit that people actually DO to themselves. I mean, what in gods name is wrong with this earth? I’ve seen some stupid fucking things in my time. I’ve seen that assbag with the puzzle pieces tattooed all over him, that cheetah lady, those cyberpunk dipshits who screw attachments into their head and walk around with a Mohawk made of nails, those future primitive dweebs with all their spacers and tribal tattoos and disgusting ideas about sex (probably) and of course, the completely moonfaced inflatatit post op chicks who all kind of look the same, vaguely hot but not really like a person (and that’s the lucky ones. Ever see that cat lady from brazil or whatever? She completely fucked her face up. Google image search ‘cat lady’ and check out what happens when you get a complete face restructuring in South America in the 70’s. it’s pretty wild. ) but the idea of altering your vaginal and anal appearance is just so fucking out there that I don’t even know what to say. I’ve addressed this before, I know. But bear with me please…How fucking crazy neurotic do you have to be to hack off part of your vagina? I mean, hey! That’s not the point, you know? It’s a VAGINA! It’s not supposed to look a certain way, it’s supposed to FEEL a certain way. It’s all just so fucking irrelevant, innit?
Okay, enough. I’ve babbled too long about this. Seriously though, unfilter your google and image search ‘dong.’ It’s funny. Lots of asian guys. Not their dicks either. Just their faces. I guess I should have expected that.
I’m so incredibly tired, and while this baby naps, I should be napping, but it’s not happening. Why? Because I’m writing to you fuckers. My lovely Colorado vacation is more than halfway through and I’m gonna be super bummed when it finally comes to an end. So, that settles it. I’m off to enjoy the day. No more of this bullshit for now. A quick assbleach and vag trim and then it’s off to see the fucking Rocky Mountains and Cripple Creek and uh…what else? Eh, maybe I’ll just call my friend Dong and get a beer. It’s a vacation after all, right?