Thursday, August 13, 2009

Lost mind! Reward if found. Friendly, but easily startled!

God, moviemaking is a gigantic pain in the ass. I went to college for it, so I kind of knew what I was getting into, but I’ve never really attempted anything of the magnitude that I’m attempting now. I’ve also got this record going into production this week, so I’ve got the art and mixing to deal with, and I’ve been doing some shit for my wife’s office, which has officially made me uh…what’s the word? Crazed? Frazzled? Something like that. Today, I have to go to work at the bar. My schedule for the next few days is as follows. Work Thursday, work Friday, Friday night rehearsal, work Saturday, Sunday morning first day of principal photography, work Sunday night, shoot Monday morning, then work Tuesday morning Wednesday morning Thursday morning and Friday, Saturday shooting, Sunday shooting, Sunday night work Monday morning shooting….and it goes on and on like this. Fuck.
Also, just got a call that my kid has already bitten twice at the daycare. One more and he gets sent home, which is real bad, since we’re both working all day. I have no idea what to do about that…Grown up-ness is hard, man. That’s why we’re all dorks. We’re out of our element all the time.
I actually can’t tell which part of my life is the kid part and which part is the grownup part. Well, the having a baby part is grownup. The working at the bar though? Kid or grownup? I dunno…All the various art projects that stress me out so much that going to work is almost a relief, is that grownup stuff that runs my life or kids stuff that helps me create and escape? I dunno. Internet porn? Officially adult, but really, kind of adolescent in nature, innit? I have almost no cut and dry line between my stress and my leisure. It’s making me crazy, but you know what? I think it’s better than when my stress was my job and my leisure was just sitting around. Because that’s fucking dull, and the only thing that happens then is that your job consumes your life and your stress consumes your few precious moments of free time and you sit there miserable, just refreshing your email, whacking off, watching tv, drinking a beer, smoking weed, playing video games, whatever, just thinking “man, I gotta go back to that fucking place tomorrow and it SUCKS!!!!!!!” and that’s NO fucking fun, man. No thanks. I’ll take the perma-stress, I guess, because it helps put everything in perspective.
Wow, I actually feel better after writing this. Thanks, dogs of war, for listening.

The two things on this earth that make me the saddest are lost pet signs and old delivery guys. Lost pet signs make me picture worried, crying kids, parents who feel absolutely horrible and scared lonely pets. The whole thing just makes me so incredibly sad.
Old man delivery guys…man, fuck. I order pizzas a lot. I also live on the third floor. When the guy comes up with a 2 liter of coke (which all pizzas in Chicago come with, for some reason. I don’t drink soda at all and I’ve got about seventeen 2 liters in my kitchen because they’re the pizza delivery equivalent of tortilla chips at Mexican restaurants) and he’s in his seventies, oh fuck me. It’s heart breaking. Pizza delivery is a job for a sixteen to nineteen year old guy. It’s a rad job. You take your shitty car out, play your music, smoke pot, maybe pick up your girlfriend and get a handjob (if she’s cool) and generally cruise around your town taking it all in.
When you’re seventy, however, not the same. You lived your life wrong. While all your peers are chilling out in retirement or death, you’re stuck lugging 2 liters and pepperoni and mushroom calzones up 3 flights of stairs to a bunch of stoned college guys. Your back hurts. You can’t even eat pizza or drink soda anymore. No one you work with was even born when you got to the point where you no longer cared about pop culture…much less remembers your favorite Gershwin song, much less remembers Gershwin at all…It’s sad. Okay, now I feel worse again. AND I gotta go to work.


Blake said...

My sociopath acquaintance once told me about how he and a friend stole a beagle out of a trucker's cab, and let it run away. It was years ago, but I can't still can't forgive him for doing something like that. To this day I still feel really bad about the puppy, but even worse for the trucker.

Rodzilla 605 said...

Mmmmm... a calzone sounds so good right now. I can't handle it.
You obviously have a lot besides pizza on your plate, but I have a question if you have time.
I haven't noticed any advice for awhile, but wanted to give writing you a shot. This one is admittedly a bit outside your normal range of topics, but I could use a fresh opinion regardless. If you have other things to do, it's cool.
Here's what's what- A friend and I spent our summer working for a theatre company as lighting/sound technicians. One day early on we had nothing better to do so we set to tearing all the copper wire out of an enormous ancient cable we weren't going to need. What this project amounted to was the formation of a ball of copper that is slightly smaller than my head. If I had to take a guess, it weighs somewhere between 7 and 12 pounds. My buddy is fairly certain we can make some dough for it, but I've spent the last few weeks doing research and haven't had much luck anywhere much closer than China. Copper balls aren't exactly hot shit on eBay, and I haven't found an interested pawn shop yet.
In my experience reading the blog and listening to your music, you seem to be quite in the know on a lot of things. Any ideas on what I can do to get rid of my fucking ball? To be fair, it does look pretty cool, sitting on my desk, like a giant metal yarn onion wrapped in tape. Maybe I should just send it to an art museum...
Anyway, thanks for your time.

Robb said...

I know you're being intentionally tight-lipped and stuff at this early stage, but feel free to drop some more details on this cinematic undertaking whenever the mood strikes you. As a complete film geek my curiosity is definitely piqued (healthy understatement).

Candice said...

I'm with Robb. While I'm sure it is safe to assume that it's a porno, I'd like to hear more about this movie of yours. More specifically if it involves horses and if I can get a bit role.

Robb said...

Wait--BIRDMAN Documentary! I knew it.

planespotting said...

Not all old delivery guys are poor or have lived there life the wrong way. My parents own an automotive shop, and one of the guys who delivers parts is like 65 years old. I felt bad when I first met him too, but then my mom told me that actually, he had been a senior vice president at one of the companies in my hometown and had just taken early retirement a year ago. He just wanted to do something during the day to keep busy that had no real responsibility.

And ... that sounds f-ing awesome if you ask me.

But I'm sure not all old delivery guys are like him.

What used to make me really sad when I was younger was going into Wal-Mart and seeing old men sitting alone in the cafe/deli part of the store and just drinking coffee without even anything to read. It bummed me out.

Anyway, if Candice gets a part in your porno, you'd be obligated to find a way to post videos on your blog.

Andrew said...

dude i never really thought about old delivery men before, mostly because i've never seen any, but man that is sad you know?
shit that's why I never want to get super old. I mean its cool to hang out with your grandkids (which I hope every old person has) and whatnot and let everybody do everything for you and then complain because it costs too much or that they left a penny off of your change. Seriously though other than that what's the point? Your youth and therefore the ability to get off your ass and have fun is long gone, and now it's just a slow road to death. That's pretty messed up right?
I might blog about this.

Anonymous said...

Feeling bad/sad and then going to work is pretty punk rock.

It's more punk rock if you feel down and don't even have a job to go to, but hell you need to get a hair cut to look sharp for your band's show the next night at a bowling alley.

3 wisdom teeth said...

I am sad as well...I am from a family of 8 kids, only 2 of my little brothers still live at home and my dad is a pizza delivery man.

my dad is almost 60 years old, he went to law school, is really fucking smart, but just falls into that too smart/crazy to have a "normal" job and its unfortunate. he and my mom live check to check, tip to tip and just bought a house. Which was a huge step cuz we lost our house when i was 14 and from there on out ive just worked and lived with friends, mind you, that was 14 years ago. just after we lost the house my dad got a job delivering pizzas and since has aged about 30 years and is lookin pretty beat.

anyhoo, my youngest brother is 13 and has been staying with me lately. he looked at me out of no where yesterday and said that he doesnt think our dad will live much longer! he says either the terrible food, his heart or cigar smoking is gonna catch him soon...pretty smart for 13. well, that made me pretty fucking sad.

basically, there is no sign of my dad getting another job or retiring ever. his house will be paid off when hes pretty safe bet he will die a pizza delivery man.

stay in school kids, try in life, and put a few bucks away so you dont die delivering pizzas.

drew said...

3 Wisdome Teeth just ripped my heart out, threw it on the concrete, stepped all over it, walked away, turned back around and spat a big fat fucking lugee all over it. That was some of the saddest shit this blog has ever laid on me.

Anonymous said...

I ordered a pizza once and when it showed up the delivery woman told me she was on her way to her second job after this for like a 15 hour work day between the delivery job and the second one.

And then I noticed she only had one hand...I felt miserable.

meo150 said...

That was very beyond the embarassing style esqe

amandatague said...

the delivery guys who bring me food are generally older ethnic fellows who seem to be working for the family business.

it sounds like someone needs a nanny/personal assistant. i uh know this girl who needs a job. (i may or may not be this girl i know)

Josh said...

@ Rodzilla

Your friend is right, in part. Copper can be quite valuable.

Look for a salvage yard, you're not going to sell some random copper to a pawn shop or anything like that because it's useless to them. A salvager will sell it to a smelter or something of that nature so it can be melted down and re-used.

I used to work plumbing and my boss would freak if we didn't put any and all small pieces of copper piping in the scrap box. Once it was full he'd take it to a salvage yard and sell it.

J.A.F. said...

this copper ordeal illustrates the weirdness/magic of the internet.

somewhere in the world there's another guy with extra copper and he has no idea where on the internet to look for information on what to do with it.

what would that guy say if someone directed him to a blog written by a musician in chicago called bad sandwich chronicles?

not google, not plumbing websites, not wikipedia, but Bad Sandwich Chronicles

i love it

kylewagoner said...

I wouldn't mind some projects in my life right now. This summer has sizzled down to wake up at 7 (which for me, at 17-year-old, is about 5-7 hours before I'd like to wake up), try to stay awake, drive to school, run with the cross country team for an hour and a half, drive back home, shower, sleep for as long as I can milk the rest of the morning, and then wake up to do nothing for probably the rest of the day. I'd normally go crash at someone's house more often, but with having to get up that early, that's really a bad idea on my part. So at least you have some responsibility where as I'm lucky to stay awake after I turn the alarm clock off...


Tony said...

Man, old dudes delivering my food also bums me out. I always try to give them a big tip, which is not expected in Aus, then feel like I'm being patronising by doing so.

Ah, anxiety.

Anonymous said...

man brendan, with this depressing advice/ stories, your turning into the miss lonelyhearts of the blogging world. i need to go watch a pixar movie or something to lift my spirits.

Nick said...

I delivered pizzas at Round Table last summer with an old Mexican dude named Gallo (Rooster in English). I was 18 and he was about 70 and spoke no English to my knowledge. He got good hours and tips, but at the end of the day he was still working 6 day weeks at minimum wage, living the American dream. Last I checked he was still alive and working there delivering those pizzas.

My step-uncle was an even worse story because he spent the last 20+ years of his life living with his stepmom (my Grandmother) and delivering pizzas for Papa Johns (I still can't eat at this place because I associate it with him too much). When she developed dementia, he began to use her money to finance his cigarette and alcohol expenses. Then, one day she found him dead from a heart attack in his room. It's probably good she doesn't remember that (or much else for that matter).

God damn sorry to spread the depressing shit around this drawer. Blake's Beagle story broke my heart.

Bridgett said...

Take a look, Brendan should like this:

Banana@1000MPH said...

To cheer everybody up, read this guy's excuse:,0,6415792.story

Robb said...

I came back to glance at today's comments and am now contemplating a Prozac prescription. Jesus fucking melancholy christ. Maybe post something extra hilarious tomorrow? You know, as a pick me up? No pressure. Hennessey anecdotes always do the trick. I saw 'The Hurt Locker' tonight, and while by no means a feel-good film, it's daffy next to today's comments. Everyone should see it, though. Kathryn Bigelow is one of the most underrated directors ever. This is the CHICK that brought us POINT BREAK, folks. Yes, the best action director is a woman.

Robb said...