Wednesday, August 12, 2009

You're driving me crazy!

When I was a young skateboarder, I subscribed to Thrasher Magazine. I’d read that shit front to back. I’d read the letters, I’d read the music section, I read the reviews, the interviews and I’d even read the insanely incoherent articles about contests and shit. The best part, however, was the recipes. The recipes in Thrasher were so fucking ridiculously disgusting, on purpose, I now realize, but I bought into the whole post-modernism of it and actually prepared and consumed a few choice meals. This led to a strange phenomenon where I made myself believe I liked very disgusting things.
One of my favorite snacks was an uncooked hotdog, a pickle and some cheese in a hard taco shell covered in salsa. I ate that shit all the time. Looking back, was it gross? Actually I don’t even remember it as being gross. It sounds good to me still. I know, intellectually that it’s gross, but man, I used to LOVE that shit. I think it’s affected me to this day, as I’m still pretty capable of eating anything, and I’ll happily eat tuna right from the can or a whole jar of peanut butter just with a spoon. As long as there’s no ketchup, and there’s not too much mayonnaise (which I’ll get to in a sec) I’m down. Is this from my young, experimental days as a budding young chef? Only Jesus knows, I guess.
***
A side note on mayonnaise:
Okay, Mayonnaise is gross. If you don’t think so, you are gross. This is an inarguable point. Please understand, this isn’t a value judgment about people who eat mayonnaise. It’s just the facts, ma’am. When I go out, I never specify that I want mayonnaise on anything, because it’s gross. However, if a sandwich or something just COMES with mayo, I’m secretly pleased. Why? Because the shit’s fucking delicious, man. Oh, it’s disgusting, make no mistake, and I’d never specifically request it, and too much of it is about as repulsive as it gets, and fuck, it’s bad for you, BUT, if you know in your heart that mayo in moderation improves, for example, a turkey sandwich. Yes it does, you bullshitter! You, like me, have been so conditioned by your societal and subcultural standards that you’ve let yourself believe that it’s so gross that you don’t like it, but you DO. Secretly, YOU DO!!!!!!!
But I will concede that it’s disgusting. Oh, and guys, gals; rule of thumb: Never, ever order something with mayonnaise if you’re dealing with someone who you’re attempting to fuck/suck off/feel the tits of. It’s not classy. It’s like farting. Someday, if things work out, it’ll be cool, but at this embryonic stage, show a little self-restraint. Anyone that overlooks your bowl of mayonnaise or greasy farts during a courtship is not good enough for you. Period. End of story.

Now, getting back to the recipes in Thrasher, I was so young and dumb that I believed sincerely that these recipes were what skaters ate, and I so desperately wanted to be part of something that I ate it too, regardless of grossness. This is not dissimilar to the way that I tried, right around the same time (12-18) to force myself to like bands that I thought were “important” or ‘cool’ or ‘necessary.’ I mean, I spent more time trying to get into stupid, terrible bands that I really had no aesthetic interest in. Mostly hardcore, metal, funk, terrible punk and shit like that. I tried to like Primus…I tried to like Youth of Today and I tried to like The Accused and Instead and Bold and all that shit. (Burn, however, was awesome-that EP totally killed me.)
I can’t even remember now all the tapes I had that I just needed, NEEDED to get into. Suicidal Tendencies. Oh, how I tried. Problem is, they’re terrible. There’s no way to spitshine any of these bullshit garbage records. AND, and this is a big part of all this, once I became a “punk” if I found a band that was tolerable, and yet still off everyone’s radar, I decided that they’d be my favorite band, just for the sort of je ne sais quoi of the whole thing. That’s how come I know every word to Underdog’s breakthrough album “the vanishing point” even though it’s TERRIBLE, if I listen back to it now.
This, if I’m really being honest with myself, I think may be the reason that a lot of people like my band. We’re off everyone’s radar (your friend that likes Against Me! and Daughtry isn’t gonna like us) but we’re just barely good enough that you can make yourself get into it. That’s what it is, innit? Thought so.
Hey, it’s not all like that though. Bands like Bad Brains and Fugazi really DID take a bunch of listens to click with me, and I’m glad I stuck it out, because those are two pretty awesome bands. You never know when a song doesn’t quite grab you if you’re dealing with a Sailin’ On or an Institutionalized. Gotta do the legwork.
Speaking of, I’m starving and my baby is awake. Later dildos.

29 comments:

Kevin Burnett said...

Your band is way more than that, hombre.

FAskies said...

personally I would prefer it if people knew some of the bands I listen to. But I am stuck liking all these bands that is off everyone's radar.

John F. said...

Yeah, like FAskies, I kinda wish the people around me were more in tune with the stuff on my radar. Mostly so I could get excited about upcoming records/shows with people.

Crooks Blogojevich said...

BK - you know the words you wrote for the Goddamnit 10th Anniversary booklet? I've always felt the same for both TLA and A3. You're music was made for the El and L&L. See ya in Scotchtober.

Timothy said...

I can agree with this to some extent. Whenever I wear my Larry Arms shirt out in public, not too many people take notice, but when someone does, they always come up and start some sort of conversation with me. Thats what makes you guys so much better, even though you are kind of under the radar, your fans are really what make you.

timziegler said...

I'm interested in this "Test Footage" from yesterday's post, BK.

If you're shooting a movie, I'd very much like to be your colorist. I may be e-mailing you.

VoicesOffCamera said...

I agree with FAskies and John. I would love it if more people I knew liked stuff like I like. As it is, I've listened to the Arms since '01 and know only one other person who likes them, and it's not for lack of trying (I've played the Arms for many a people). But yeah, it would be exciting because I'd have more people to go to shows with.

As Mayonnaise, I hate the stuff. Not even like you said where you still get it on things. I hate it period and can't bring myself to eat it if it's on something. I used to have this problem in high school where half the people at the Wendy's by my school thought 'chicken sandwich plain' meant 'chicken sandwich tons of mayo' and I'd have to return it and they'd just rub the mayo off on the counter. They'd do it kind of away from the counter like I wouldn't know but it was fucking gross so i just stopped eating there (probably a good choice regardless). But I actually hate all condiments except barbecue sauce, and even that I have to eat in moderation (I wouldn't even finish the whole little cube of bbq sauce fast food places give with chicken nuggets).

Oh, and I used to get Thrasher, too. Thrasher, Gamepro, and Wizard where my magazines of choice as a kid. But I never made those recipes.

-Steven

Vincent said...

I think I only like the arms because of the T shirts.

I just grew out of my richard pryor shirt, you don't have any extras by chance? If you don't no worries, I'll try to bring the mid drift for guy into style.

wilddanimal said...

Dude, it always bums me out how hardly anyone I know likes the Lawrence Arms as much as I do. Like a few of my friends are familiar, but y'all are one of my favorite bands. It also bums me out how you have to work a shitty service job instead of being a full time Rock Star. Life just ain't fair, man.

christa! said...

I used to date a guy who was basically petrafied of mayonaise. He'd (literally) start gagging to the point of vomiting if someone even talked about it...which of course I did all the time, because dude, that shit's pretty hilarious.

We are not dating anymore. heh.

Seagull Steve said...

Mayo is gross. I am never secretly pleased to have it. Its not like when you are going at it with some girl and your dong slips into the wrong hole, which is secretly funny (or awesome, depending on the person) to you, even though its grossness is well established. Yes, mayo is way, way grosser than anal, that is what Im saying.

I remember that time in my life (and its probably still happening to some degree) where I thought it was important to listen to the "important" bands.....but that is how I really got into The Clash and Fugazi and Minor Threat......I think I had a pretty high batting average as far as that goes. Oh yeah I tried Suicidal too, and it didnt take!

Joshua said...

i actually like shitty punk rock, so thats why ive liked your bands. just sayin.

Scott said...

I work in an office full of people that say they like music. But i talk about albums or going to shows and basically look at me with glassed over eyes and blank stares. Even "radio" bands that i like get no response.

Oh and I am living proof that someone can like Against Me! and LOVE your band. But daughtry just plain sucks. I dunno, i LOVE music as a whole and there is not any band out there that has the Larry arms sound and feeling. I remember defending your band so much during the apathy and exhaustion time to people that only listened to pop punk shit and then found all that afro-wearing progressive stuff saying that music was terrible. People fear that which they do not know and I love opening up their eyes or shoving it back at them

Robb said...

As a kid I always found mayo revolting. At some point in my teens I found it to enhance the right kind of sandwich in trace amounts, but still gross in any other context. I sometimes wonder if people who just 'can't get enough' mayo have just never actually smelled mayo. Open up that fridge. Unscrew that jar (or in the case of Kraft, the cutesy square plastic wedge with the flip-top lid). Take a big whiff. See? Fucking disgusting. You're disgusting.

Blake said...

I was at this shitty hole-in-the-wall one time, and the DJ's shitty equipment, and music stopped working. I put TLA on the internet jukebox, and people were pissed. Not necessarily because they didn't like the music, but because they never heard it before.

Fuckin' dicks. I returned the dickishness by playing Turnstiles, hoping they'd have to listen to a long moment of silence, then the secret songs.

skylar said...

Since when has anyone in the history of the world ever specifically requested mayo on anything?

I thought you hated Fugazi.

Eddie said...

i've tried to get into the cobra skulls just because you (BK) and other socks seem to like them, but i just can't. it's just not my shit. sorry cobra skulls.

Josh said...

Aside from losing tunafish sandwhiches, I think the world would be a better place with mayo in it.

I can't think of a more disgusting condiment. The smell, texture, taste..... ugh. Everything about it makes me want to retch. Even just thinking about it while writing this makes me want to wretch.

The only time I can accept ingesting Mayo is when it is LIGHTLY mixed in my tuna or egg salad.

Steely Hoover said...

Mayo is alright but I prefer "fat ass ranch". You know, that homemade Hidden Valley kind. It's mostly Mayo and entirely delicious. What I do hate is people that think Miracle Whip is Mayonaise! It's nothing alike and if you tell me mayo is on the sanbitch, I want mayo not M Whip. Just sayin.

kylewagoner said...

Timothy got it right about 1,000 comments up. I kind of like loving bands that no one's heard of. I live in the middle of bumfuck nowhere, WV and I've found maybe 3 people ever who've given shits about my Descendents shoes and they're usually at shows. I mean, they're shoes that have Milo's face all over them. How fucking awesome is that? But seriously, I now and then see a Descendents shirt on someone from a tour or anything or a Naked Raygun shirt while at Cedar Point and I just know that I might be lonely, but I'm not alone. Oh, and I'm way more sold on newer Lawrence Arms, for the record. It was the one on the Fat Wreck comp that blew me away and was an epic intro to a CD but I prefer your more raspy songs than when Chris sang prettier and more like Blake Schwarzenbach.

love,
Kyle

Banana@1000MPH said...

I got some Primus album about Seas of Cheese (that may have been the full title "Seas of cheese") and there were like 3 alright songs, but none I particularly wanted to hear. Not terrible, listenable, but nothing I cared about.

And, honestly, I think I pretty much disliked your band when I heard it. I don't know why, but I listened to them again and got into them (maybe not 2 listens, but somehow). I think having to "work" (as in keep trying even if just unintentionally hearing them multiple times) to like a band makes the pay off more.

And liking your band and being "different" is not a positive thing because all my friends either listen to barely any music or medicore-to-shitty bands.

Banana@1000MPH said...

P.S. I genuinely find mayonnaise disgusting, but I love ketchup - so what is up with no ketchup. I used to eat disgusting amounts on each french fry I ate back when I was ten. I still eat too much.

Louis said...

I first heard of you guys on the Rock Against Bush comp, and boy was I excited to find another band to fill my None More Black itch.

The disappointment when I then checked out Cocktails and Dreams was crushing ("why is everything so slow?" "who is this douche singing melodically?"). For some reason, though, I kept listening, and "Nebraska" and "Quincentuple Your Money" won me over.

Personally, I prefer that you guys are unknown. This way, when I make it big by blatantly plagarizing your stuff, I'll plug you guys on my acoustic album, and you can retire on the surge of royalties. Everyone wins.

Steve said...

I got into TLA through the Falcons EP I got at an ALK3 concert when Danny told the crowed about a new project hes in and that hes got the EP in the back. It fucking blew my mind. I also love that theres chord progressions that you would you know are Larry Arms. Like Potshot, but not to there extreme. I happen to love Potshot though, so its all good with me!

Drunken Acorn said...

Ha first time I heard you guys stories I love them. I first heard Larry Arms at a ataris concert. They playing A&E between sets. And I asked the sound guy who he was playing, He was like "Some band Lawrence Arms". I then went to see you guys a couple weeks later at The Nile Basement in Mesa,AZ. taking back sunday played with you guys and they sucked back then too. But you guys were funny and we could barely hear you over the house music that was played above us. I think your bass broke and you were like fuck it.Chris played on more song and you guys left. But I was hooked. Memories are great.

Avery said...

I would love to have know more people who are into you guys. it sucks since most of my friends are into hardcore and metal and then when a larry arms show comes up i maybe have 3 people to go with.

but that's what makes you guys so great.

Andrew said...

i agree with eddie up there. i've tried and tried to get into the cobra skulls on recommendation from just about everybody. i can't do it. granted, their new record BLOWS sitting army away. I wouldn't listen to it all the time, but its a significant improvement toward my taste in music.
a lot of people say the same about my love for osker. like they can dig the larry arms and saves the day, but can't appreciate devon williams. oh well. to each their own. all of this "my music is SO much better than the crap you listen to" shit has got to stop. I mean when kids are arguing to the point of fisticuffs on which song is the best on Apathy and Exhaustion shit is getting pretty rediculous.

PIXI said...

I like mayo and I'm not afraid to admit it. but too much is kinda gross. I'm weird though, I only eat mayo at restaurants. At home, it has to be Miracle Whip.

Nikki said...

Well, I'm a few days behind but I still have some shit to add here (I think).
1. It's cool to love a band before they get big because you feel like you have more of a personal connection with that band or artist since they are usually playing small shows pre-fame. But, as everyone else said, it really sucks when you can't find people to go to shows with you. I can't even find people to go with me to TGUK show (either my taste sucks, which maybe some of you will think, or my friends' taste sucks, but either way).

2. Mayo at any fast food place = Here's your mayo, would you like a sandwich with that? = gross.

3. I can't really get into the Cobra Skulls either, but I love the Menzingers.

4. Last thing @ Kyle - My boyfriend has this old school Descendents shirt (the yellow I Don't Wannna Grow Up one, seriously it has holes all over it and he still wears it). Anyway, we went to Warped (we keep making that mistake) to see NOFX & Bad Religion because they NEVER come to our part of Ohio or sell out immediately when they do. While at Warped only THREE people said, "sweet shirt" and they were all old and balding. Also, he has a Dwarves shirt (the teach your children to worship satan one) and the only positive comment he ever got was at a Larry Arms show. As for me, people rarely comment on my shirts... I should go cry.