I was gonna write something brief and profane because I’m running late and it’s kind of been a while since I did anything like that, but then I got my shooting schedule for the next month and it kind of frazzled me. I’m gonna need to take lots of days off again. I panic about this, because I’ve been taking tons of days off and as a person with a kid and a bunch of stupid shit going on, I’m sort of unable to help other people out too much when they need shifts covered. It’s rough business, man. I feel like I’m taking advantage of my coworkers, but hey, fuck it, right? If I wasn’t taking advantage of them, I’d be taking advantage of the people I’m doing this movie with, and that would really suck the balls, and then I’d really feel like a morally reprehensible loser, sacrificing genuine friendships and experiences to toil in some crappy bar with assholes. Okay, thanks for listening, I think that’s just the perspective I needed. I think we can get on with the profanity now, right? Good.
Have you voted for your favorite Lawrence Arms songs to be played at the tenth anniversary show (oct. 24) in Chicago? You can do that by sending an email to email@example.com. It’s that simple, dildos! You can also vote for songs for any of our west coast shows too. For a summary of the rules check out the entry entitled “let the great experiment begin.”
Okay, so here’s something I’ve been thinking about lately. The bullshit female on female compliment. You know what I’m talking about? You know that one chick that you all know who’s not good looking, just barely, BARELY bangable, kind of cute face, but maybe she’s got a dumpy ass or she’s wide or has a Grimace body or gimp hand or something like that? You know her. Okay, well, have you ever noticed that this is the girl that all the girls that know her insist is just absolutely drop dead gorgeous? “Oh, you know who I think is beautiful? Betsy. She’s just gorgeous!” “Oh, I know. She’s got the prettiest smile in the world!” Meanwhile, I’m sitting there thinking to myself “BETSY? Are you fucking kidding me? I mean, neither of you are any fucking prizes yourselves but BETSY? She’s a bit of a pig. What the fuck is it that women see in other women?”
Well, that’s what I used to think. Now I recognize what’s really going on. It’s not that these girls see Betsy’s inner beauty that’s lost on piggish men like me. It’s that they’re hyping up the uggos in order to further their own stock. If betsy is hot, and I’m hotter than betsy, well, that makes me super hot. This works as an unspoken mutual compliment between the women discussing Betsy’s appearance, and a subtle hint to suitors, which is, in my theory, thought to be extra effective because it doesn’t call to mind any ACTUALLY attractive girls. That could lead to unflattering comparisons, and/or redirected energy.
Also, women tend to love to say that they like shit that they hate. I can remember my mom, every girlfriend I’ve ever had, and all my female friends for that matter talking quickly and quietly to me about how fucking retarded some boots are and then when the wearer of the boots come up and say hi, the shit talking turns to compliments. “Oh, I love those boots! We were just talking about them!” It’s not just boots and ugly chicks either. It’s also blowjobs, salads, experimental fake lesbianism (not to be confused with real lesbianism), football (this is a controversial one. Chicks will often be football fans. They talk football and watch games. But I never get the feeling from any of these girls that they like football as much as they like being the girl that likes football), facials, buttfucking, sensitive pussified dudes, and being judged solely on their merits and not at all on their appearance.
They hate all this shit, but pretend to love it for god knows what reason.
Okay, so now I’m a misogynist, right? Fine. Look. Men are retarded too, I’m just living proof of that so I don’t feel the need to really talk about it quite as much. And sure, I’m making broad (get it? Broad! Heh) sweeping generalizations that don’t apply to everyone. Yeah. True. Fine. Good for you. You poked a hole in my critical and hightly professional essay. Look. I gotta go to work. Enjoy yourselves out there. My kid bit another kid already today. Shit. Fuck. Shit. SHIT!!!!