Monday, December 22, 2008

AMY WINEHOUSE NAKED!!!!!!! Oh, wait...ew.

The Christmas party at my bar was awesome. The dick boss and I were wearing the same sweater. I got a picture. He wasn’t pleased, but what could he do? Heh. No one really did anything embarrassing. This is pretty much due to the fact that the girl who really traditionally busted with the bad behavior got fired this year. I walked in on a bunch of the Mexican guys’ from the kitchen’s friends in the bathroom doing coke and that was funny. They were frightened at first, but then decided that I was “crazy” so they acquiesced and let me pee. Nice. Other than that, nothing really that exciting at the Christmas party. Now it’s done and I have a whole year to wait before the next one. Such a shame.
On friday night, we played in Minneapolis and it was okay. When I was about fifteen this guy named Pete from a band called oblivion (who is one of those bands that gets worse with every release…their demo, “think tightrope boobjob” is one of the best collections of songs I’ve ever heard, don’t judge them based on their late-era output [sweatpants USA]) explained to me that for a show to be great, truly great mind you, the band and the audience have to each do their job, A bad show can be salvaged by an enthusiastic audience, and likewise, a crappy audience can be made up for by a stellar performance, but for a concert to truly, truly be great, both sides have to do their jobs. This is 100% true. I think, in Minneapolis, we did our job. It featured funny banter, we were tight, and even though my bass kept coming unplugged due to a short cord, it was, from the stage, a good showing. The crowd though…a bit of a dead lay. I can’t fault the people in attendence, it just didn’t quite feel right, and as someone who’s fucked up my share of shows, I know when it’s not my fault. SO, I give the show in Minneapolis a six out of ten. The actual fun (shots, hookers, felching the strangers in that blindfold ‘who’s felching who’ game) was about a ten out of ten,. The drive there and back were terrible. Nothing but snow, skidding and tense shoulders. That gets like, a two out of ten, I think.
A lot of you have informed me that Sparks is being taken off the market. I’m, of course, devastated. I did my best to drink as many sparks as possible this weekend, and I’m gonna continue until it’s all gone. I don’t understand why they’re doing this to me. A neon brown drink that obviously causes obesity and heart problems and adult onset diabetes is being banned???? BUT IT’S THE ULTIMATE HANGOVER CURE, YOU INSENSITIVE DICKS!!! That’s it. I’m going back to oxycontin/adderal speedballs.
Fuck. I gotta do some Christmas shopping. Have you all already gotten me something? Pictures of your nuts/clam would be great. Thanks.
Oh yeah, I'm stark naked and drinking a rum and coke as i type this. Just so we're on the same page.

11 comments:

Candice said...

ya know, ny has top notch crowds so maybe you should come here

Chris said...

dude the show on new year's is gonna be the shit.. we won't let you down man! i'll throw cigarettes at you a la Lagwagon hahaha

Katie said...

That sucks about the sparks, but I think everyone who saw me down two cans in about half and hour this weekend will be grateful...

timziegler said...

Candice is right...come to NY (New York).

Chris is right, NY (New Year's) is going to rule.

Saulio SBJ 123 said...

I'm curious how successful you've been with the naked pictures requests. Does consistency actually help?

xNARCOPLETICx said...

If there is a Circle K near you and they have the little donate-a-dollar snowflake things you should buy these said snowflakes as they come with a 3 dollar off Sparks 4-pack coupon.

xNARCOPLETICx said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Joe Costa said...

I was upset, until I realized that Joose was just a lot better than sparks. You should stock up on some of that.

Nico said...

WTF is this sparks stuff?

RockerByeBaby said...

The lack of crowd performance could have been due to the lack of... me... see... I dont get to get out tha tmuch anymore... well... I ate a chicken patty that day... thats all... and 3 Triple rock style Vodka red bulls and a Jagar Bomb... yeah... by the time you got up... I was done... haha... Im sorry I failed you.

Casey said...

how bout the dude throwing elbows in the johan santana t-shirt? i was really close to clotheslining him, but i wanted to watch the rest of the show. i think maybe you just weren't drunk enough. sounded good though!