So the office party was a success. I Xeroxed my ass and balls, got a few beejes from a few secretaries and generally wore the lampshade. It was held at a restaurant that I’ve always wanted to go to and the food proved to be pretty okay. I did a lot of my hanging with the argumentative Mexican-by-way-of-Missouri wunderkind and the gay dudes. Of course, as an office spouse (did I not make this crystal clear? This was my wife’s office party…My office party [if you can call it that] is on Sunday and involves drunk slutty cocktail waitresses and drunk Mexican guys and me. That’s gonna be fun) I was on my best behavior. I stuck to whiskey, except for with the meal, then I had wine and whiskey. Oh, and then the bosses wife wanted me to drink sake with her, so I did that. It was fun and not at all embarrassing, even when I spilled sake on her. Hey, lots of people were spilling things.
The big news was that suddenly I was talking to this guy from New York who introduced himself as the guy who had lost a couple of babies earlier in the year. As in miscarriage, not gross negligence. I politely recalled and condoned, as a good office wife should. We chatted for a while, then it got pretty weird pretty quick. My wife approached and we were all talking, still about his babies n such, then about how we have a new baby. Yeah, the baby is great…not a lot of sleep, but you know, he’s cool. That’s when he busts out with “See, he (that would be me) doesn’t understand. I HELD MY DEAD BABIES IN MY HANDS!”
I just kind of walked away. Dude, seriously? Quite the move, eh? I mean, I guess he held ‘em. They were apparently twins that made it about five months. So, they’d clotted and everything. Which means, you know, technically, holding them was possible. Still, man…This is an office party. Talk about how you wanna bang Marge from accounts receivable or something. Don’t hit some stranger with your fetus-clutching story. That’s like tenth date shit.
I got to go to work and my wife is off to NYC for office party part two. That means it’s just me and the midget at the crib tonight, which means HOUSE PARTY!!!!! See you all there. It’s BYOS (the S stands for syzurp)