Okay you fucking smart ass. Look at this for a second.
a sudden and violent blow or impact; collision.
a sudden or violent disturbance or commotion: the shock of battle.
a sudden or violent disturbance of the mind, emotions, or sensibilities: The burglary was a shock to her sense of security. The book provided a shock, nothing more.
the cause of such a disturbance: The rebuke came as a shock.
Pathology. a collapse of circulatory function, caused by severe injury, blood loss, or disease, and characterized by pallor, sweating, weak pulse, and very low blood pressure. Compare anaphylactic shock, cardiogenic shock, hypovolemic shock.
the physiological effect produced by the passage of an electric current through the body.
shocks, Informal. shock absorbers, esp. in the suspension of an automobile.
–verb (used with object)
to strike or jar with intense surprise, horror, disgust, etc.: He enjoyed shocking people.
to strike against violently.
to give an electric shock to.
–verb (used without object)
to undergo a shock.
1555–65; < MF choc armed encounter, n. deriv. of choquer to clash (in battle) < Gmc; cf. D schokken to shake, jolt, jerk
Know why I bring this up? Anyone? Well, yesterday one of my lovely socks suggested that my hyperbolic Avatar review (which, I’d like to add, was neither hyperbolic nor was it a review) contained the selfsame perversions of language that my very brother had railed against in the previous days comments section (check day before yesterday’s sock drawer and yesterday’s post and subsequent sock drawer if you need to be brought up to speed).
Well, firstly, dildo, I’d like to point out that in your haste to suggest that I may be igniting a family feud with my ignorance, you neglected to actually take into account that this definition of shock: “a sudden or violent disturbance of the mind, emotions, or sensibilities” AND this one: “to strike or jar with intense surprise, horror, disgust, etc” LITERALLY represent the emotions I was presented with, involuntarily, mind you, upon realizing that the most expensive and most successful movie of all time was laden with expository dialog so wooden and clumsy that it would be laughed out of a night school screen writing class. SO, therefore, you get the point, right? Right. Okay, no need to fight here. Just want to clarify. I don’t cotton to accusations of stupidity, espesh when I’m in the midst of a dialog about stupidity with my brother in the room. You’re trying to dog me out in front of my family, bro. Not cool. Now, they’re all presumably smart enough to recognize this dog and pony show mock trial that you’ve set up for me in the sock drawer for the banana republic monkey tribunal that it is, but, well, you understand, right? Good.
Okay. Moving on.
Today is my kids last day of school at the bite zone. He’s going to a real, nice scholastically oriented place where the vibe is less chaotic and maybe, hopefully, less conducive to biting other kids all day long. It’s a nicer place. It’s in a free standing school building instead of a store front in a strip mall, for one thing, and, well, I’m pretty stoked. Enough about kids. Let’s talk about what you really want to hear about, namely, my opinion of teen hearts.
Yesterday, in the sock drawer, beneath the suggestion that I don’t know how to properly exemplify my disgust in prose, was a suggestion that I discuss the Teen Hearts, who are, for those of you who don’t know, this fruity band of skinny androgynoids who play some sort of Strawberry shortcake by way of matt and kim synth dance music that’s undeniably catchy and would be completely dismissable as a bunch of dorks doing a less offensive brokencyde except for one thing: they’re a little too old to be doing it.
Okay, so brokencyde has the tubby dude with the combover in their band, so does teen hearts. Teen hearts also features a girl and a singer with an alkaline trio tattoo. Teen hearts ALSO (brace yourselves) seems like a joke to me. I don’t believe for a moment that it’s real. Those dudes are too old, it’s too manufactured and clean to just come out of the gates like that. There’s none of the trademark sloppy youthful exuberance that indicates genuine passion and excitement for finally getting out there and trying to get heard. It’s cold and calculated. I mean, that singer guy is close to my age. They cover ace of base. That means he REMEMBERS ace of base and knows how fucking goofy the situation around him is. It’s an elaborate ruse. That’s my opinion of the teen hearts. AND, if I’m right…well, they’re about the coolest group of people out there, honestly. Wait…Is that too hyperbolic? Maybe. Maybe so. Let’s tone it down. If I’m right…well, that’s pretty funny. How’s that? Better? Good.
There was a band called Hard Skin that was an oi band from England. We played with them on our first tour of the UK. They were all skinheads and so were their fans, EXCEPT, the dudes in the band weren’t really skin heads at all. They were regular guys who wrote all the music as a joke and were as surprised as anyone when it caught on. Their mongo fans, however, didn’t get the joke, which made for one of the most hilarious bits of live theater/rock and roll I’ve ever had the pleasure of witnessing as these dudes openly mocked a room of cheering, bloody skinheads who couldn’t stop loving them and had no idea that they were being made fun of. It was great, AND it truly was one of the best things I’ve ever seen, live show wise. No exaggeration.
So, if the teen hearts are like the fruity hard skin, well that’s rad.
I gotta go to work. Be cool out there.