Man, I’ve been cranking out songs like they’re sneakers and I’m a seven year old girl with real, honest to god motivation to keep working (you know, for the good of the prefecture and all that). I just slayed another one and it’s uh…awesome. Motorheadian, to use the scholastic term. Pretty excited. Here’s a little lesson in songwriting, turds: NOTHING motivates and inspires like success, so if you stumble onto a tune that you’re proud of, you must NOT sit on your laurels and be stoked on yourself. You MUST keep writing. Write the next day and the next day and even that same afternoon. Yeah, it’s rough, because like everything, you’re only as good as the last song you wrote and sometimes it’s brutal to crank out a great song and then just jump back in, but I promise you, that’s the only way to write the really, truly great songs. Now that I’m at 5.5 songs in the can, the pressure is completely off me, and I can do whatever the fuck I want, and THAT, my friends is when shit stops being polite and starts getting real. That’s why there was no entry yesterday, I was writing shit, and you know what? It was worth it. You’ll all be stoked later on. Promise.
Anyway, God sure kicked shit up a notch in Haiti, didn’t he? I guess it goes to prove what we’ve known all along here in the first world: God hates the poor. Sure, he fills the bible with all sorts of references to the meek and the poor inheriting the earth and all that, but those are post dated checks, man. No one’s inheriting any earth, AND even if they were, it’s still a dick slap, because in theory, the rich can live righteous lives and get into heaven and all that too, right? BUT, they also got to be rich while they were alive. That’s better. Obvious favoritism. I mean, you can’t tell me that god would let someone into the great hereafter just because they were poor, right? Like, for example, some rapist who grew up poor isn’t getting into heaven, is he? Just because he was born poor and died poor? That’s kind of fucked up. What’s a rapist’s heaven like anyhow? Just a bunch of nervous women walking around with dead cel phones and it’s nothing but alleys and apartment gangways as far as the eye can see? Unless you go inside and then it’s all keg parties, I suppose. Hmmm. Sounds gross.
Well, it’s rapist heaven. I guess that’s why it’s gross, but see my point? You can’t just have poor people in heaven, just like you can’t keep rich people out if they’re good. That’s not fair either. I mean, as far as I know, the game goes “Be good, go to heaven, be bad, go to hell” and that’s it. And THAT, my friends, means that god hates the poor.
Think about it, when Diddy gets to heaven, not only will he not smell terrible anymore, but he will also be completely at home and comfortable with all the trays of caviar and all the different options for his hi def tv and what to tip the butler and all that. BUT, when the poor get up there (ha!) they’ll be confused as shit. Sure, they’ll get used to it eventually, but there’s always gonna be that lingering thing in the back of their minds, that Jlo thing, where they kind of feel like they don’t belong so they over compensate and end up gaudy and ostentatious, married to a zombie, raising hideous children, jumping off male strippers and falling on their asses all the while wrapped up in a tiny strip of gold saran wrap like some kind of loaf of deli meat, and man, that’s not heaven to me. I don’t want that shit in my heaven, so poor people, sorry. You’re fucked. Listen to god. He hates you.
Well, I suppose technically, he’s killing all those people in Haiti. Some of the most desperate to keep the dream alive would maybe say that god couldn’t wait to get them to paradise, as they were suffering here on earth anyway (Haiti wasn’t all that nice in the first place, you know) but that creates a series of questions: Why not just hook em up in the first place? What’s the difference of a few measly decades in the eternity that is god’s reign? Is dropping boulders on people so they starve to death all mangled in a puddle of raw sewage the coolest way to check these folks out? Is god really that fucking impatient that he needs to shake and terrify everyone? What is he, two?
Look, I don’t know much, but I’ve seen tons and tons of evidence that god loves the rich and hates the poor and almost no evidence otherwise. Also, I’ve seen lots of evidence that god’s a bully, a racist and kind of a petulant cocksucker in general. That’s kind of funny, because it really explains why he chose the envoys he chose here on earth. I mean, oral Roberts? Oral? That’s your name? Oral? Funny thing about oral Roberts: his sister, Anal, was a real bombshell.
Last question: is jesus as much of an asshole as his dad? I mean, he went through that ‘yeah, my dad’s rich and powerful, but I’m rejecting all that, man. I’m kind of a hippy” phase that all trust fund dipshit hippies go through, but then he up n died. Who knows. He might be up there with a smart goatee, hair slicked back in a new suit just laughing around the table with Rockafeller, Oral and Anal Roberts and Bin Laden Senior (a good dude by all accounts that I’ve read).
I dunno, man. I’m going to play the guitar.