Friday, April 9, 2010

why do kids cry when they're born? Ever ask yourself that?

Today is sunny and beautiful, if a little chilly. I slept in. I’m currently applying the last bits of my juggalo makeup before I head out and face the day. I’ve got a meeting this afternoon with a young go getter concerning a project I’ve been balls deep in for the last several months. Yes, that’s right people. It’s a miracle. I’m suddenly no longer upset to be unemployed. I’ve embraced my juggalodom. Hack on, uh…hatcheteers, or whatever dumb shit they say.

Nah, it’s not really genuine to say that I’m not upset at being unemployed. Losing my job sucks. No two ways about it. I’m happy to be out of that shithole though. I never again have to deal with those self important mongaloids. That’s a feeling of joy that can only be truly expressed by using a poo analogy (heh…poo ANALogy. Good one…heh).

Okay then:

When you really have to poo, you can try to do other things, but there’s this hot thing in your guts that’s not really letting you relax and have fun. You can go on the roller coaster. You can talk on the phone with your friends, you can try to lay down and take a nap. You can do any number of things, but that burning poo is still there in the corner of your mind, ruining your day. Now, for this analogy to work, we’ve got to assume that there’s a reason you don’t want to just poo. Let’s say your toilet’s broken and you’d have to go downstairs to a good looking girl’s house and pretty much come in there specifically to poo, stink shit up and then leave. You hate that you harbor this poo, but getting rid of it would be humiliating and ultimately depressing.

Well, you can see where this is going, right? You go down, you bite the bullet. The poo is forcing you. You can’t hold out any longer. There’s unpleasantness. You walk away just ashamed. You can’t look your wife in the eye. You blog about it.

But then! Suddenly there’s an unexpected spring in your step and you can sleep, you can talk on the phone with your friends and you can ride the roller coaster and you can just enjoy it because you know that rotten turd is out of your life forever and you never have to deal with it again. Sure, there will be more turds, but maybe they’ll be better, or maybe your toilet will be fixed by then. That’s how I feel. I’m no longer beholden to those people and that crappy place and it’s wonderful. Remember two days ago I wrote about worries. Most of my worries were bound up in my identity as a bartender in a crappy bar and grill and not making a lot of money. Well, now I’m no longer a bartender at a crappy bar and grill and I make no money, but guess what? I’m not afraid of that. And THAT, kiddos, is the lesson for today.

Fear makes you old and what breeds fear? Any Buddhists out there? That’s right, Potsie! Attachment breeds fear. If you have nothing (see, for example a dude who lives in the desert in a shed who’s whole family is dead thanks to firebombing) you can do anything, from telling the pope to go fuck himself to flying a plane into a building. Now, I’m not suggesting that either of those are healthy ways to exploit a lack of fear. Just proving a point. No attachments = no fear.

But, you get a house with some things you like in it. Suddenly, you don’t want scumbags just up in your stuff. That’s a small bit of fear creeping in. the guy in the shed has no fear of scumbags. But you’ve got an xbox and some oreos and you’ll be goddamned if some fucking creep from down the road is gonna eat your oreos and sell your xbox. Lock the doors.

How bout then you get a real nice place, filled with all sorts of stuff you like. Suddenly, it’s not just the scumbag down the road that’s a threat, but the whole neighborhood. You can’t just be living in squalor when there’s all sorts of your favorites in your house.

Bring in some friends, perhaps someone to love…Now you’ve got a situation where even strangers are kind of creepy. You don’t want that person you love walking home late at night by themselves. Even though they’ve done it zillions of times before you knew them and they’ve arrived fine and you (obviously) NEVER worried about them before you knew them, now you harbor this faceless fear of the streets.
Finally, have a kid. EVERYTHING becomes terrifying. Molesters=traffic=light sockets=flights of stairs=priests=bad education systems=bullies=bad kids=heavy metal lyrics and on and on like this. You’re so fucking wrapped up in fear that you can’t move. That’s why your parents are lame. They’re terrified for you (or, they’re not, in which case they’re totally lame as well, but for different reasons).

BUT, it’s all a fear of that shit getting taken away, and once your house gets blasted back into sand and everything you love is dust, you’ll be sad. Probably sadder than you’ve ever been, but you won’t be afraid. Not at all. You’ll be like Rambo. Hard hearted, sad, ready to die and fearless.

And THAT’S the craziest part: We are all, deep down, most afraid of not being afraid. Kennedy had it completely backwards. The only thing to fear is the death of fear. How’s that for some deep shit to take you into the weekend?

Anyway, point being, fuck that dumb job and thanks for all the good words.

Who’s going to see K’naan this weekend? I sure am. See you there!

29 comments:

dustyfloors said...

That's so true. I was always the single dude that didn't really care much about anything but getting drunk and watching baseball with my room mate.

Throw in a girlfriend and I'm a wreck because I don't sleep because I wait for her to get done bartending at 3am because she can't be walking around in Logan Square at 3am. Throw in a couple shift beers and I'm sleeping 3 hours a night and a total wreck.

Damn. I wanna quit my job!

Jayzilla said...

Aziz Ansari makes me laugh.

Donnie said...

I used to work in a mall and we had painted up Juggalos coming in all the time. I even saw a girl who had a tattoo that said juggalett....

and it wasn't even a hot topic.

shot davis said...

this is the best thing i've ever read. reminds me of some broadways lyrics!

casey said...

I really enjoy the new Drive-By Truckers song "This Fucking Job."

Everyone needs to find a reasonable song to identify with, even the very rural. Should I therefore be made the subject of fun?

I guess so.

Josh said...

Hey BK, I have a question for you. Well, not so much a question as something I was interested in hearing your thoughts on.

Kind of continuing from the shit fest about Against Me! and wanting to be a commercial success as a band, can you comment a bit maybe about bands like the RX Bandits who, appear to the outsider at least, to have "made it" without that "selling out" (I use the term with a large amount of digust, I don't think Against Me! are sellouts or anything to don't shit on me fellow socks.)?

I mean, I saw those dudes play with you in Boston and RI a couple years back, so I'd assume you were more or less on the same level, and I saw them against last week and they had a huge-ass tour bus and I'm assuming you don't roll like that without having some dollar bills backing you up.

If this is a dumb line of inquiry feel free to insult me, I just always like when you (and others in various places) kind of give us outsiders a look into the music industry I guess.

Scott said...

i am definitely sharing the shit analogy around my craptastic office today

STACEY MCCOOL said...

K'naan? Really? If I never hear that fucking Canadiana anthem again... it'll be too soon.

Nick said...

This post had everything a blog should have. I laughed, I cried, I whacked off...


Also, I'm totally being 'that guy' but it was FDR, not Kennedy who said the fear quote.

Jake Regier said...

Have you seen the new Big Lebowski porn? I bet you could write shit like this. There you go: new profession.

http://www.movieline.com/2010/04/the-big-lebowski-porn-parody-doesnt-include-that-much-porn-or-parody.php

Harley said...

I'm Pretty sure that President quote was FDR...

Sean said...

does this lack of job mean you will have more time for music/shows?

Please don't blue ball me, Beex.

Mark said...

Good call Jayzilla. Aziz is suhweet.

Jesus said...

Glad you're doing better big guy. I don't want to pry too hard, but how do you keep a steady relationship with your wife? I mean, you're a God amongst BSC followers, touring punk rocker, have a kid with another one nearly out of the oven, just lost your job...etc etc. I don't need to tell you your own life.

So how do you handle all that with the Miss? What's your secret! Roofies? Potatos? Mad dick size?

kylewagoner said...

I bet it still sucks to just be fired...

Mischa said...

etter to light and candle than to curse the dark!

謝木儀 said...

Give a fool enough rope and he will hang himself...................................................

Hey It's Aaron said...

Bk, it sucks to be fired. It sucks even more to not be able to do some pre unemployment shenanigans.

FranklinStein said...

This should be worth your time:

http://www.cracked.com/blog/learn-your-motherfuckin-science-with-the-icp

Robb said...

Let's talk about your Dark Knight cameo during the infamous ferry sequence? At the 4:04 mark in this clip, the con on the right with the 'o shit' expression right after the hulking black dude stands up:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TmUWRJInwhk

If it's not you it's some supernatural doppelganger shit. One second cameos by two favorites (you, skiba) in the same flick. Life's small rewards

Sean said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sean said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sean said...

To make Robb's theory a little clearer... haha

http://www.flickr.com/photos/49251793@N08/4509788698/

Good eye man, heh.

Sean said...

... add some shitty photoshop skills... and VOILA!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/49251793@N08/4509788732/in/photostream/

as well as....

http://www.flickr.com/photos/49251793@N08/4509149115/in/photostream/

citizengnome said...

I'm working a shitty fucking job for a nazi getting paid minimum wage, but its just swell, because I know someday soon, I wont smell like pizza everynight. Shit will get better, It always does. I'll be planting tulips for a living and that nazi will miss me.

Blake said...

Brendan, I can get you that Little Caesars job you've been dreaming of. Probably even a crew leader or management. Hit me up.

Jake Regier said...

Brendan's got a college degree and a man-satchel. He'll find somethin'.

Jake Regier said...

Hahahahaha. I'm shedding tears over this ICP textbook.

Jennifer said...

Dude, seriously fuck the jerk who fired you. That's lame. And yellow-bellied. He didn't even have the balls to do it in person. But you know what? It's for the best. It will all work out. The one time in my life I got fired, I was bummed but only because I felt like a moron. That job fucking sucked and getting fired was a blessing in disguise. Now I have a job that I love and I can't imagine life any other way. So hang in there, buddy. And one more time: FUCK THAT GUY!