Tuesday, June 23, 2009

The Plane! The Plane!

Happy Tuesday. Today, I’m with my child. He managed to piss all the way through his diapers, down his legs and into his little footsy areas before I caught on to his little scheme. He also escaped, Steve Mcqueen style from the bedroom this morning. We found him over by the dogfood. Crazy kid. Speaking of the dogs, Pancho, the dog that I took to the vet yesterday, is apparently fine. They tested the shit out of him-blood, poo, piss, skin, bones, all that shit. You know what I think the problem is? He’s depressed. It’s true. I know, I know, I know I know I know I know I know, it’s the dumbest thing in the world. Diagnosing an animal with depression is just, I don’t know, it’s for spaced out middle aged women with sunspots all over their pendulous, wrinkled breasts and chakra crystals and photo albums from Machu Picchu and their fruity little turtlenecked and ponytailed husbands. But man, this dog is depressed. He just lays around in bed. He doesn’t want to eat. He never hangs out with his friends anymore. He just mopes. Sometimes he goes and eats but then it’s back to bed. Maybe we need to get him one of those fancy, big city pet psychologists. I mean, fuck. How can you be depressed about a life where you get to shit on the floor and lay around and hump stuffed animals and bark out the window all day long? Huh? Answer me that? Fuck…that actually sounds a little bit crappy when it’s phrased like that, I guess.
Actually, he’s better since the doctor took his blood. I don’t know what that’s all about. Maybe he just had a little too much blood. I mean, Christ, he’s only seven pounds. Getting rid of extra blood has been a very popular form of medical treatment for a while you know. It dates back to Charlemagne for fucks sakes, before even. And that motherfucker cut the Gordian knot…wait. That was Alexander. Well, regardless, they both walked around with leeches on their dicks to cure their herpes, believe you me.
Okay, on to bigger and better things, down in the sock drawer, or should I say over in the other sock drawer, people seem to be pledging lifelong allegiance to the Sock Drawer, and by extension of course BSC and myself, with Sock Drawer tattoos. Well, let me be the first to congratulate you on a very well thought out little piece of trendsetting that’s bound to be huge in the next couple of years. Watch out Chia-obama, Sock Drawer tattoos are coming for you! I’d like to suggest, in the manor of a benevolent leader, just offering guidance where I think it’s warranted, that yeah, the sock drawer tattoos are cool, but have you guys considered my face? Or perhaps the entirety of your favorite entry of BSC? How about just a really, really obviously bad sandwich. OH! Now there’s an idea. You could either get a bad rendering of a sandwich (“dude, that’s a bad sandwich tattoo” “yeah it is!”) or just a good rendering of a sandwich that really sucks. Cod and chocolate? Flies and tires? What’s the worst sandwich? Pig vagina and miracle whip? Nah, that sounds okay. Zippy.
Anyway, point being, I think this is a great idea, but again, I can’t stress enough, I think my face is a better tattoo. Just saying. I’m gonna start making shirts very soon, using Sheila’s awesome design, and from there, you guys will be able to get your bad sandwich tattoos like crazy. Oh, I know, there’s a camaraderie in the Drawer between socks that makes the whole thing a big party, but let’s not forget who’s socks you are, my children. And like a mom sending her kid off to camp, it’s your duty to write my name on all of you. Oh, this is all very exciting. I’m gonna need to get a new webpage or at least learn how to post pictures of any and all BSC/Sock drawer tattoos. It can’t be that hard. I mean, I’ve read some of the internet. It’s written, by and large, by a bunch of assholes and mongaloids. If they can get pictures up, why can’t I? Right? If not me, who? If not now, when? Veni vidi vici and all that shit, man. You know who said that shit? That’s right, motherfuckers: Charlemagne…wait, Caesar. Either way, they both died of Syphilis in jail after being imprisoned for tax evasion, right? Oh, that was capone? Well, at least he wrote that book that blurred the lines between fiction and nonfiction about that murder. Oh…Who? Capote? I thought that was a typo. Fuuuuuuck. I got a lot of learning to do, people.
Okay, let’s get serious for a second…Okay, that was good. Tonight I’m going to an “industry insider meet and greet” at the JBTV house. For those of you who don’t know what JBTV is, it’s this show that’s been on forever in Chicago and it’s hosted by this very strange and sweet little grey haired and bearded rock and roll gnome. It was the local alternative video show, and it still is. My bands have all appeared on the show and it’s fun, if not a little strange, just due to Jerry’s (the gnome) odd mannerisms, which include staring intensely, but we deal, due to the fact that we all used to watch the show when we were kids.
Here’s the thing, I don’t know how many ‘insiders’ are really gonna be there. I’m picturing it being me, Jerry, the entire band “American motherload” (every bit as terrible as they sound) and that marty guy who came in second on ‘be the new dipshit standing in front of the old, out of touch geezers from INXS’ or whatever that garbage was called. Maybe there will be bagel dogs or something. I dunno. It’s things like this that make me happy that I squandered my youth in a van cruising around to see people all over the country get disappointed that our music is too sloppy/too tight/not drunk enough/too drunk/not punk enough/too punk…on and on. Let’s get to work on those tattoos of my face, kids…I need something to talk about to that INXS guy tonight.
XOOXO

25 comments:

joe said...

Where is the tat?

Candice said...

humping stuffed animals is not all it's cracked up to be. trust me.

Scott said...

JBTV...love that show. People look at me like i have 3 dicks when i talk about it. How it can be around forever and still be unknown I have no idea

PIXI said...

Maybe I'll have to add your name to it and make it say
Brendan Kelly and
the sock drawer

I emailed you a pic of it today.
For anyone else that wants to see it, go to thesockdrawer.proboards.com, then to general board, find the ink thread and it's on page 6.

Blake said...

That interview on JBTV was the best video I've seen in my entire life..sooo awkward.

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=1337213

Should I get the tat with, or without, a mustache?

Max said...

i have the lawrence arms hourglass tattooed on my left leg,and i'm planning on getting the falcon's crossed out hourglass on my right leg. i think it's gunna be awesome, and pretty funny.

dan638563 said...

Crabcore? This stuff might be worse then Brockneyce whatever there name is.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wr0-9MHYTuQ

Sickie27 said...

In the thread with Pixi's tattoo, I had explained my BSC/Sock Drawer tattoo I plan to get and it did, in fact, inclue your face!

Also, today is my mothafuckin (19th) birthday! I should go out and get the tattoo today to celebrate!

timziegler said...

Dan, that video was hilarious.

Otis said...

Hey Brendan/all Chicago folk in the Sock Drawer - I play in a Lansing MI band called Frank and Earnest, and we're looking for a Chicago-ish date on Sunday September 6. Any bands/basements/whatever we could be directed toward? Any help would be appreciated, thank you!

Ben
Frank and Earnest
http://www.myspace.com/franknearnest

Excited for the 7", Brendan!

ak said...

just a question....I finally get leave in October from afghaniland and plan on flying to Chicago for some of the Riot fest namely to see Screeching Weasel (albeit without Jughead, I'm not sure; maybe he will be playing), but are there any lawerence arms or falcon shows? I didn't see you guys listed; and seeing as you may have this information do you know if the copyrights or D4 will be playing.....just wondering. If not I'm sure I can entertain myself by getting drunk and wandering around Northwestern (my cousin teaches there) i'll be providing the good scotch as he's accompanying me on my fling with debauchery during my virgin visit to Chicago; it's always great to see family.......

Dave said...

Have you considered grinding up capsules and giving Pancho 5g doses of Zoloft or Zimbalta, by mixing into his dog food?

Banana@1000MPH said...

I read that second to last line as containing "tattoos on my face" instead of "of". Anyway, this made me realize...tattoos of YOUR face on OUR faces! Genius, if I may toot my own horn.

Mikey said...

so I googled "jbtv lawrence arms" and there's a whole big video on myspace and well...this guy is fucking awkward.

It reminds me of talking to your grandma, you know? You can't really be yourself. You have to water yourself down.

tonedeff said...

I have a request and a sidenote.

You mentioned the Mushuganas the other day. As a fan of your bands and the offspring of Slapstick, I was wondering if you could give us all (especially those of us who are not from Chicago), a mini overview of the Chicago-punk rock scene/history, as seen through your eyes. Notable bands and interesting tidbits?

The sidenote is just a general statement for you and my other socks. I feel like I had a panic attack Saturday night. Its weird, because I'm generally a stable person and the past few months have been the best few months I've had in a long time. But Saturday I freaked out, started breathing heavily, felt like my throat was closing up, started becoming over-anxious, and couldn't stay still. After a little while it passed, and I made myself focus on a movie (Donnie Darko, heh).

Then driving to classes in the rain, around 10ish, I started practically hyperventilating and breathing really heavily. That passed quickly, because I was at a readlight and rolled down the window and let the rain hit my face. I don't really know why this has happened twice after not having any previous problems. And I'm not really stressed out about anything right now either. Although in the back of my mind I'm transferring colleges in the fall...but thats more of an afterthought.

?
-dan

tonedeff said...

also, I meant to say that the part about driving in the rain was today.

and to differentiate the 'dans' on the board, I'll just go with initials
-dd

Some Young Guy said...

fuck, beex, i need your advice. not a relationship thing don't worry.

one of my BEST friends (i want to stress, i've known this person forever) just moved back to town a couple months ago, lives with her parents, wants a job so she can buy stuff. i live on my own here in town, live off loans and shit for school... kind of decided it's not for me and now i need money to support myself.

so my friend tells me she got an interview at this new bar/venue opening up in a few weeks, said it went really well. i've worked at a venue forever, so i thought, this place might be right up my alley. emailed the dude opening the place, landed an interview.

now my friend is kinda pissed and thinks i'm moving in on her job. i thought she was wanting to do wait staff and i would do door and maybe we'd work together. she thinks maybe i'm gonna fuck up her chances of getting a job. even if we both got hired, i get the sense that she wanted it to be "her thing", like to meet new people and get a life, because i'm literally the only person she ever hangs out with besides her parents.

my interview is tomorrow. what should i do? should i at least go for the interview and feel it out? or should i just leave it alone? is it fair of her to say that i totally snatched her game when it was "her thing"? I NEED THE MONEY!

and i would be totally pissed if this rad new venue opened and some fuckin schmuck who's been working at a bagel place or something ended up with a job there, and my ass, with seven years of club experience, had to apply at burger king or something. help me, beex and the sox.

kylewagoner said...

Sheila lives about an hour from me and went to college at one of the places I'm considering, so if she gets famous, I'm gonna follow her. I feel so special!

love,
Kyle

toaster_oven said...

you should start a cult

Candice said...

i'm in.

Brian said...

To the guy who posted the video of that emo/hardcore/techno/wtf band, they are not on the same level as brokencyde. The video was hilarious. That jump in the beginning was just awesome. The music sucks though.

http://i44.tinypic.com/148qkk7.jpg

Bridgett said...

Your dog just wanted some attention. Story: My cat all of the sudden one day started limping, wouldn't walk on one of her front paws. I felt her paw, looked at the pads, checked it out. Nothing.
This went on for about 2 weeks, so I took her to the vet. I had to put her in a crate and whisk her away to Cream City Kitty (oh yeah) for them to check on her. Well they put her up on the table. The cat's super pissed, all 4 sets of claws out, hissing, puffed up tail. She jumps off the table, escapes out the door, and runs, on all 4 paws mind you, around the office. The vet can't find anything wrong, and says, "well the only thing I can do now is sedate her and do an X-ray, but that costs a lot of money, so I don't think you should do it. Have you made any changes in the recent past? Spent more time away from home, moved, got another pet? Call me if she's still doing it in a week and we'll X-ray."
So I take the hissing bitch home, trying to figure out her problem. Then it dawns on me. I had just started dating a dude that lives 2 hours away from me. I spend 9 hours at work, then spend 3 hours on the phone with him, and go to sleep. Most of my weekends are either in Chicago with him, or sitting around my apartment with him. Bitch was just jealous that I was spending more time with him than her.
Story over.
Someone post a picture of that tattoo, I don't want to join that message board.

Luke said...

Yeah, I want to see that tattoo too but I don't want to join the board.

PIXI said...

I had to take my cat to the vet to get shots when she was little. The next 2 days, she would hardly move and when she did, she limped. I took her back to the vet thinking she hurt her leg, but there was nothing wrong with her. She was just traumatized from going to the vet the first time and wanted attention. She is such a fucking baby.

and I can't post the pic here now, because I'm at work and I can't get on photobucket. Just join the board already.

Nick said...

Just join the board folks, it won't kill you.