Thursday, July 23, 2009

boo fucking hoo

I’m asked often what I think of the ‘new world order’ of albums leaking before their release dates, of illegal file sharing, illegal downloading and so on and so forth and blah blah blah. It’s kind of a stupid question, right? I mean, what do I think about records getting out there for free when they used to cost money? What do I think about not making money? That’s the question? Really? What is my opinion about the fact that the industry that I have worked in for the last fifteen years is no longer profitable? Hmmm…good question. Tough one to figure out. Hold on a second. I’ve gotta pour some Jager shots. Be right back.



Oh man, they left me a buck for those nine shots. What a bunch of assholes. Anyway, what were we talking about? Oh, yeah! My opinion on music suddenly being free. Right. Love it. I think it’s awesome. Can’t say enough good things about it.
Look, this is a stupid conversation 100% of the time, and here’s why. Everyone would rather make money. If there’s a dude just digging holes because he loves digging holes, and then suddenly digging holes becomes profitable, and he can just do what he’s been doing but he’ll get a check for it, he’ll take the fucking money (unless he’s retarded). So pretending that the money just cheapens everything or it doesn’t matter is, every time, disingenuous or plain old stupid. You’d be dumb not to want to get paid for doing something you love. If I could get paid to hang out at a bar or get blowjobs from my old lady, I’d jump at it. So IN WHAT FUCKING UNIVERSE IS A MUSICIAN GOING TO BE HAPPY THAT MUSIC IS SUDDENLY FREE???? BUT BUT BUT BUT, that’s the small half of why this is a stupid conversation.
The big half is this: it’s free. It is. There’s nothing you can do about it, there’s no point in acting like you’ve been slighted. You haven’t. Shit’s changed. Remember the guy digging holes? When digging stops being profitable, he can either go back to digging like he did before, for the love of it, or he can fucking adapt and move on like HUMAN BEINGS DO EVERY FUCKING DAY, YOU PUSSIES!!!!!!
Look, there used to be an industry built around shoeing horses. There were places that made horseshoes, people who put em on, took em off, people that built the nails, I don’t fucking know…bear with me. Well, at some point, probably right around when the car started getting popular, these poor schlongs all went out of business. You know why? The world changed. All the bitching in the world about tradition or how it’s gentlemanly to ride a horse or how this one is right and this one is wrong didn’t sway anything. Shit done changed and the option is, cry about it and look absolutely pathetic, or fucking sack up, look around and figure out what the fuck you’re gonna do.
I can’t stand listening to these fuckers in the industry bitch about illegal downloads…Not because I wouldn’t like more money. Of course I would, but it’s so fucking wimpy. It’s like crying because it’s raining. Hey, pussy! It’s gonna keep raining. You can either catch a cold crying out there, or you can fucking look for a place to dry off. I mean, musicians gripe and gripe because their profits are shrinking, and sure, that sucks, but the idea that since they used to make X amount of dollars and now they don’t, they’re allowed to just complain and throw a fit is just childish. Hey, I used to be allowed to shit my pants, and then some lady would come along and wipe my ass and put new pants on me. I used to shower in a room full of ten year old boys, I used to be able to eat cupcakes all day and never gain a pound. There’s A FUCKING MILLION THINGS that change on this earth, every day, and some are a real bummer (not being able to just eat cupcakes) some are the result of taking responsibility for yourself (shitting my pants) and some are just what fucking happens when shit changes (I’m no longer ten). This situation with music is really all three, but humans are at our best and most innovative when we adapt. There’s never been an exciting discovery made from complaining about the way things used to be. There’s never been progress made by sitting stubbornly in the rain or the road and there’s never been a blowjob received by someone who was such a pussy that the world turned and they just rolled over and cried.
That’s why this is a stupid conversation. I don’t have time to complain about the fucking tides, man. I’ve got real shit to worry about. Right? Good. Now, can everyone please just shut up about it forever? The old way is done now. Fucking get used to it. Thank you.

God. I’d forgotten about gym class showers until now…what a horrible nightmare. Ugh.
Have a good day, shitheads and hoes.

28 comments:

Matt Ramone said...

Besides, who complains about neve rhaving to pay for porn?

John F. said...

Amen, Matt. Amen.

Blake said...

I still tend to shit my pants if I drank enough the previous night, but I don't cry about it.

AndBurnTheRest said...

I still tend to take showers with ten year o...whoa, wrong blog.

FAskies said...

I heard that artists make most of their money off touring and merch anyways. And when you think about it an album each CD at fatwreck chords is 10 dollars... most of that goes to packaging, the actually record/ distributing company, and than split the small amount thats left between the band members.

Btw I hate it when bonus tracks are released on iTunes only... just putting that out there

drew said...

Well put sir, well put! I definitely download the digital stuff to have on my ipod, but when said band comes around, you bet your ass i'm buying the 7" or a shirt. At least I know my dinero is going right into their gas tank, and not somewhere else!

Nico said...

basically, if you love a band, you should just show your gratitude with cold hard cash directly in their bank accounts.

Candice said...

this was excellent.

chadwriteswords said...

I love free porn. I'd also like to point out football players seem to love slapping asses and all together gayin it up in the showers.

Andrew said...

i download shit before it comes out. but anything worth downloading in advance i end up buying anyway.

Matt said...

Perfect. I haven't been in the music game long enough to really feel the full impact of this new age of music, but I can tell you one thing, times have changed, and if you really want to play music, you still will. My band just put out our first record, and I think we've given out more records than sold. If we play a show and a kid says, "Man, I've got like, 6 bucks", we just give him the damn thing. I've been in really tight fiscal situations before, and I love that even though this kid has 6 bucks in his pocket, he's willing to give it to us. With that, if we really know the kid only has that 6 bucks, we'll just give it to him, fuck it right? He came out to the show, had a beer maybe, and hung out with us. Here is the record man, see you next time. Being that my band is from the New York tri-state area, I feel that it is even better to kind of work this way, because lets face it, shit is expensive enough in New York as it is.

Sickie27 said...

I always buy shit from local/touring bands. But most of the shit is el cheapo anyway.

But I'll admit, I have not paid for a large amount of the music I have. Bands I've heard were good but don't wanna buy their stuff? DOWNLOAD. Screeching Weasel's albums I haven't already bought? DOWNLOAD. Anything by the Jonas Brothers? DOWNLOAD.

I don't think I've bought an actual CD since... Well, actually I just bought the new Riverdales CD but it came with a free patch! THE INCENTIVES ARE KILLING ME.

I accidently let it slip in front of The Menzingers I downloaded their album. Don't think they really cared and they ended up giving me lots of free shit anyway! I WAS SO HAPPY! TOTALLY GONNA ACTUALLY BUY THEIR STUFF FROM HERE ON OUT! INCENTIVES!

Also, I went out and bought Oh! Calcutta! around the day it came out, just sayin, just sayin.

Showtyme said...

I rarely buy cds. The last two I bought were Landmines and Fireworks, only because I saw then when they opened for LTJ and NFG (respectively) and thought they were decent enough for me to spend $10 on. I feel like "bigger" bands like LTJ and NFG already have enough of a following and other people will buy their t-shirts &whatnot, I like to help out the guys who haven't yet "made it" and who I would like to see make it.

alison said...

fuck itunes man, $1.29 a song?! are you fucking kidding me? a THIRTY PERCENT price increase...bastards. Amoeba/merch booths all the way.

Drew said...

Because of this stupendous blog, when your band comes to town i am promising to buy at least three shirts and all you guys a drink. well played sir, well played.

Toto said...

almost 90% of the albums i have, i downloaded illegally, because any other way i wouldn't have them, you know why? because this is fucking Argentina!! we only get metallica and jonas brothers records and it fucking sucks, so it's kinda hard to support a band you love when getting a record with shipping and everything costs you like half your monthly incomes.so thank god for the internet that made it possible for me to discover lawrence arms and lots of other great stuff.

besides that i support the local scene going to shows and buying their cds, just like i would do if any ohter international band that i like came to my stupid country.

ps:come to argentina BK, i'll pay for the beers and let you guys stay at my house,i have a nintendo(the first one)some beds,some toilet paper,weed and cocaine.just think about it, it's gonna be awesome!

Nick said...

Correct me if I'm wrong, but who the hell has Jager shots at 9am?

Robb said...

Do you have Metroid, Toto? Could I maybe just come by some time? It's not larry arms, but it is robb.

Tim & Rac said...

If it's a new band, someone I haven't already seen live or know is doing a side project, etc. etc. etc. I'll download it to get a preview. If I don't like it, I don't freaking buy it. If I do, I pick it up. My husband and I are really weird about having the liner notes and shit, too. I mean, I know there's some kind of way to get them without buying the CD, but it just feels better when it's tangible.

AndBurnTheRest said...

I think the Jager shots was a metaphor.

Matrix Wendigo said...

If I ever hear something worth paying for again I'll buy it. All these whineass musicians need to realize that everyone already paid for all of the old stuff they want to hear, and the stuff they're putting out now is manufactured and contrived shit. Good acts still make money and sell records. If you're not making money, you're not a good act and it's time to move out of your mom and dad's place, go to college and support yourself by doing actual work. No one's saying give up playing altogether, just realize that you're not gonna get a gold lined luxury jet just for knowing how to play the first few bars of Seven Nation Army.

Ryan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Toto said...

Rob: yes i do have metroid, also mega man(all of them) mario 2 and 3, zelda and some retarded pinball wich is no good at all. and of course you are welcomed here, just bring some toothpaste and soap.

ps:my girl friend here saw your photo and said that you are cute,and she is not drunk right now so she might be saying the truth,it can't get better than that dude!(she is actually really hot, and i'm not saying that because she is here watching me)so go get to the airport!

word verification:comoturd (WTF?)

3 wisdom teeth said...

i listened to my tape deck headphones well into ipods and downloads...i just downloaded music for the first time ever this week! little slow to technology.

i will tell u what though, ive had 3 cars stolen in the last 10 years and my shit stolen out another time, so 2 nights ago i was cleaning out some boxes to consolidate my shit...i threw away 4, 4!!! cd cases to j church nostalgic for nothing, lawrence arms guided tour of chicago, jawbreaker 24 hour revenge therapy and even 4 jets to brazil orange rhyming dictionary!
rediculous! i guess i liked all those records enough to buy em 4 times.

So brendan, i have purchased all of your albums more than once, even one of em 4 times. its because i love you too, i can see you now.

Robb said...

Toto, sounds like you're wrapped up in all of life's finer things. A friend and I actually talked of doing a little globe trotting in the coming months/year...should we make our way to Argentina, I'll give you a shout! (via sock drawer, naturally). I'll bring along FL's finest coke, and we'll compare and contrast to the tune of some Cobra Skulls. But then, 'Florida's best' is probably just coming from down there anyway...

Robb said...

...btw don't take offense brendan; i didn't say 'to the tune of larry arms/falcon' only because it's a given.

comeback said...

Toto, your g/f would be correct.

Nikki said...

So everyone else is right, and I'm a little late, but it bears saying again: if people really like your shit they'll buy it (and sometimes, if they really like your shit they'll download it because they don't have the money, whatever). But, it's time to accept it and move on. However, not everyone who downloads is "stealing" and that stigma is total bullshit. I've "stolen" songs only to ultimaely spend more money in shirts, shows, CDs and vinyl than a band ever would have gotten based solely on a CD case and some cover art sitting on a store shelf somewhere. In the case of the Lawrence Arms (and the Broadways before that), I felt that your shit was so quality that I bought all the CDs and as much vinyl as I could get my hands on, but yes I realize I'm a bit more obsessive about my music than most run of the mill douchebags out there. Great post.