Thursday, July 16, 2009

notes from the cultural milieu

Hey hey hey! It’s Thursday which means that I’ve got some kind of disgusting stomach flu. It was nice enough to introduce it’s unique blend of cramps, running and burning to me at around four am, which was cool because let’s face it, I wasn’t really doing much else, so it really was able to get my full attention.
As usual, I’m on my way to work. My friend is in town staying at my house for one day only, and she’s in the shower, so in these few moments of solitude, I’m gonna attempt to uh, drop my daily dose of science on all y’all like ten cc’s of homemade glue out the frontal dong region of an old man onto the innocent smiling (then suddenly frowning) face of a young, troubled girl who hates her dad. Are the kids still saying that? “Dropping science” I mean. Yeah, probably. Whatever.
Yesterday’s post, which involved me talking about fetishizing people generated a few responses. Some were mildly funny. One guy had a wonderful analogy about tramp stamps and the difference between a fetish (you NEED whatever you’re fetishizing to get off) and a kink (you prefer it), and while I find this kind of categorizing entirely dorky and completely at odds with what makes fucking cool (raw, animalistic, fun, you know, not nickel and diming shit, kind of letting it slide and just having fun even when people queef or shit on the bed accidentally or barf on your balls) yeah, sure. You’re kind of right. Although, to be fair, I WAS talking about people who exclusively choose partners because they’re black, or crippled or whatever, so whatever. Like I said, dorky argument. The real loser of this argument is anyone who has to be part of it, and I’m stepping out, but that guy’s pretty funny anyway. Pretty sure he’s the dude that was gonna bang the porn star for his birthday. How’d that turn out? Did you have to bring your own cocaine?

That other poster in the Sock Drawer, on the other hand, the one who posted the hyper spatial reality check about how no one is born black or woman or anything and it’s only because of society that we ascribe these identities to bodies (real quote:
“So a black person isn't a thing that exists, he lives in a heterosexist, white supremacist society that has given a very specific meaning to his body. A fat person or a dwarf or an amputee exist within a cultural milieu that attaches certain meanings to their bodies.”)
Uh…look here spaceman. I don’t give 2 shits about the fucking post calculus theoretical math of intrinsic gender studies and neither should anyone. It’s the most pointless exercise in the whole big universe. And while I’ll stop short of saying it’s stupid, I will say that it’s worthless. There is no practical application to deciding suddenly that black guys don’t exist and it’s a construct. EVERYONE on the earth, besides a few stinky proto hippy punk post-polyamorous revolutionary lesbians and their friends in a few rooms (badly in need of air fresheners) in a few college campuses in the world, would look at Lebron James and categorize him as a black man. The theory of why that’s wrong is so fucking irrelevant that, not to belabor the point, you ALMOST couldn’t do something that’s a bigger waste of time. ALMOST. Right now, for example, I’m arguing a one sided argument against one of these people, who’s obviously intelligent, quite possibly offended, and I’m definitely not going to change their mind about this particular strain of study. THAT’s a much bigger waste of time. So, in THIS argument, I guess you win.
Next up:
I think the idea that people who fuck others to improve their self esteem or get ahead are somehow shallow is kind of fucked up. I mean, fucking is a mutually enjoyable activity. Sure, not always. But Racquetball isn’t always mutually enjoyable either, and people go out and hit the racquetball with their boss in hopes of getting ahead all the time. People also play racquetball when they want some exercise, and want to play with a good partner and see how they match up and this can, and often does bolster self esteem. It’s the idea that somehow sucking a dick is a cheap and easy back door to success…Fuck me, I just don’t think that’s true. Sucking a dick isn’t always easy, I’ve definitely seen some people do terrible jobs of it, and shit, man, to go back to the racquetball analogy, hitting a fucking racquetball around with some old man for half an hour does NOT sound to me like it’s harder than sucking him off.
Do you see what I’m saying here? Sex, a physical and fun activity can boost your self esteem and further your career, and yeah, there’s emotion involved, but there’s emotion involved in every human relationship, so that’s not really an issue. You can’t fuck the boss if he’s married (unless you really don’t like his or her spouse, then it’s a great move). You can’t fuck the boss if you’re married (unless you and your spouse agree that it seems like a smart family decision), but you can validate yourself with sex. Sure you can. Why not? Because someone else doesn’t automatically get a higher opinion of you afterwards? So fucking what? They didn’t have an opinion before either. Stop being such pussies. Jesus fucking Christ. I’m off to work. Thankfully, I’m all full up on self esteem, and my bosses…well, let’s just say I’d rather play racquetball. Way rather.

17 comments:

Candice said...

As with racquetball, I fuck for the exercise

Jayzilla said...

i am much better at/can relate more to racquetball then most topics covered in todays blog -- and im only okay at racquetball

sigh

Jorubo said...

Wait...you can fuck to workout?

Why hasn't anyone told me this!

Scott said...

i hate those 4am wake-up calls...why is it always 4am?

Candice said...

If you are not getting in shape and toned up whilst fucking, you are either a lazy fuck or doing it wrong.

AndBurnTheRest said...

I understood what the dude was saying I guess, but it's not practical. Lebron james is a black dude...he is...the
critical part is understanding that it's only .01% of your genome that determines skin color and that .01% has genetically no influence on any of your other traits...he's not a good basketball player because he's black, he's good due to an incredible number of genetic and environmental influences, not to mention a fuck ton of hard work and grit.

Some Young Guy said...

the opening line made me spit out my energy drink. damn you that was funny.

kylewagoner said...

You know, Candice, you are ALMOST a celebrity in my eyes.

love,
Kyle

james bliss said...

The trick to race as a social construct is how you use it. I didn't mean say black guys don't exist (because then I couldn't account for 2% of my college's population), I was saying that they live in a world that ascribes certain meanings to their bodies. The utility isn't in learning to become 'post-racial' (which is stupid and masturbatory and never-gonna-happen), it's in having some understanding of the world you're living in.

It's about being able to understand WHY you fantasize about being horsewhipped and fisted by Diddy. It isn't because of his shade of brown (as if his skin color is neutral biological fact), it's because of the various meanings attached to his shade of brown.

ryan said...

Speaking of raquetball, I don't care about raquetball. Let's talk about the exclusion of the northwestern part of the US on your upcoming "West Coast" Tour. First of all, why (again)? Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't the last time you came up here (Portland specifically) was...You'll have to fill in the blank there because I don't remember. And I bet you don't either. So nevermind that part.

And second-of-ly, how much theoretical $$$ would it take to pin a Portland show tail on your West Coast Tour donkey? What if I throw in an extra $ for good measure? Is that doing anyting for ya?

PIXI said...

Comparing fucking your boss to get ahead and playing raquetball with your boss to get ahead was a great analogy. I've never thought of it that way. You're so smart, Brendan!

Candice said...

thank you kyle.

love,
candice

Matt said...

I would totally fuck my boss to get ahead at my job. Thankfully my boss is a 40 year old MILF with blonde hair and a ditzy demeanor. I would also play racquetball with her, but that wouldn't be nearly as fun.

M! said...

Wow... people get really self-entitled when you don't come to their town. Maybe LA isn't coming to your town because they just don't want to.

M!

kylewagoner said...

I think it's gonna be fun for Brendan when they start touring and these people start popping up going by their blogger screen name and be like "Hey! Remember me? You told me that black people are black people no matter how you argue it!" Or something like that. You get the gist...

Matt Ramone said...

It hasn't gone yet. I finally stopped taking ecstasy and realized that maybe rent is kinda sorta perhaps just a squib more important.

In return for quoting me so much and my linking of Is She Filthy, I request one really embarassing story involving Fat Moby from Alkaline Trio.

Nikki said...

So, I read some of your older posts (about Pancho's psychological issues) and I'm just going to throw in my two cents. This has nothing to do with the present post, but who gives a fuck, right? Anyway, don't know if the little pooch is still depressed, and I'm no dog whisperer, but it could be baby vs. dog. If you're paying more attention to the kid than the puppy, well, even animals get jealous. Maybe he just needs some good play time or a walk, or maybe he's all better now and I'm just way behind. If so, I blame many nights of drunken debauchery for my time lapse. Regardless, hope all is well with the furry and the furless friends/family members in your life.

P.S. I'm super excited to make the trek from Ohio to Chicago to see your 10th Anniversary show (OK, well I'm not excited about the Dan Ryan, but who is?), so you fuckers better not screw up. It would also be pretty sweet if you'd play one or two Broadways songs, although I realize that may be asking too much.