Friday, October 23, 2009

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Treat my dick like a steeple!

Well, I’m not gonna lie. Pretty, pretty stoked for this show tomorrow. I’ve seen a couple of kids from England who are in town for the show, and yesterday a dude who flew in from Virginia was in my bar. It’s starting to feel like a real event, man. That’s righteous. We had our final practice last night. I think we’re ready. This is one of the first times we’ve ever premade a setlist, and well, we know all the songs on there pretty well, even the obscure ones and the shitty ones and the approximately 6 that we’ve played live less than three times ever. It’s clocking in at about an hour and a half if we bust our asses, which leaves me in a bit of a strange spot. I mean, this is a ten year show, it’s supposed to be retrospective and since it’s sold out in advance, the theory is that everyone there will want to see as much rock as we can bring, BUT I’m also a firm believer that a rock show that’s more than an hour is too much. I can’t sit through more than twenty minutes of live music, much less ninety. That’s fucking crazy. Yeah, I know that I’m a jaded old bastard and all that, but I’m having trouble reconciling playing a show that I wouldn’t want to have to sit through. Regardless, we’re the best band of all time, and even if my witty banter stretches the whole thing into a three hour extravaganza, you turds will still be drooling for more. I know this.
We’re doing hand screened limited edition posters (hand numbered, only 200 made), we’re filming the whole thing, we’re doing radical new shirts and hoodies (and we’re reprising the very first suicide king shirt we ever did and haven’t done since [the white on black]), we’re playing a gigantic set, we’re gonna have Sean Nader and his sodomite master, PT in the house. We’re playing with some radical bands, we’re all practiced up, and last night I shaved my face for the first time in six months. It’s so bizarre. I didn’t want to, but I was driving home from practice, and I caught a glimpse of myself in the rear view. It looked like my mustache was way thicker than the rest of my stubble, so when I got home, I attempted to trim it, but I got carried away and wound up looking like a hung over amish guy or something, so I had to go all the way. Ladies, prepare your clams. Wear rubber knickers, because I’m more gorgeous than ever. So’s Neil. So’s Chris. It’s funny, with all the hot man dong in my band, it’s really a surprise we never got famous. Don’tcha think? Maybe it’s all the shit talking and snot rockets. Huh. Whatever. I don’t know, and I don’t care. I’m pretty fucking excited for tomorrow. It FEELS like there’s something big on the horizon. There’s people in from out of town and all sorts of bells and whistles and shit going off. There’s potential for people to camp out tonight to try to get that special colored vinyl and the tix to the special afterparty that I’m Djing (first 150 people inside only!) This is the sort of party I was hoping for. Now, if we can keep neil from getting too wasted to play, we’ll be set.
Okay dickheads and hoes, see you at the metro. I’m going to work.
BK

46 comments:

aplaidgreenatari said...

Two things...One:What bar do you work at? and 2: have you seen this atrocity of a video?http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LACyLTsH4ac

Drew said...

HOLY SHIT! I wish I had the finances to both Fest and be one of the many shitbags camping outside the venue tonight... BUT FEST MOTHERFUCKER, FEST! I still love you, and wish you bastards the best of luck. I can't wait to get this shit on dvd.

David said...

Violent J? Is that you?

Mark said...

Filming it? Hell yes!

Scott said...

cant wait cant wait cant wait cant wait cant wait.

Jesus said...

Fuckin' shit fuck in my fucking asshole, fucking SHIT!

...I wanna go so bad. Settling for a DVD and a shirt just doesn't seem right for how epic this is going to be.

Mark said...

http://www.soyamilkzine.net/?page=bandoftheweek/TLA

Two more full songs up

dustyfloors said...

Wow. Filming it? Awesome. Unfortunately my girlfriend picked up a shift Sat morning at her work so it seems that I'm not going to a colored vinyl or afterparty tix. Fuck me running. The rockage should be enough for me, though!

Maximilian said...

man this will be so great and i can't go. flying in is way too expensive....
i'm glad you're filming it. and yeah the other songs that are online sound great. from those 3 them angels been talkin is my favorite so far. it's absolutely what to expect from the oh calcutta follow up. now i can't wait to hear the other 2 songs.

Candice said...

I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED!

boxcar said...

I just flew in from NH for this, I can't wait.

Ryan said...

The only one of you guys I have ever seen be to drunk to play coherently was you, BK.

Banana@1000MPH said...

Don't get your hopes up, he said they're filming it, not they are releasing it on DVD. I think Brendan will take the filmed concert and have it on repeated on his TV 24/7.

Also, Brendan, are you planning to dress up like priests or whatever like Alkaline Trio did for their DVD? You should.

Katie said...

epic

Sickie27 said...

::sigh::

planespotting said...

I have been getting sadder and sadder all week since I know I won't be attending. My stupid friend had to pick this stupid weekend to get stupid married.

God damn him and his marriage.

Kidding, but still, dangit.

Jayzilla said...

"Regardless, we’re the best band of all time, and even if my witty banter stretches the whole thing into a three hour extravaganza, you turds will still be drooling for more."

absolutely true -- so stoked!!

KypPineapple said...

Fuck, I can't even read this shit anymore cause it's too goddamn depressing knowing I can't make it.
Ahhhhhhhhhh fuck.

Banana@1000MPH said...

Okay, two things I forgot to say before I ran off to take my test (and, yes, men, I am clean!) is that I would give Mark a bj in the Metro parking lot if either of us were attending (maybe he is) and also, Brendan, since this is presumably a DVD - do go on ranting and bantering and extend the show for 3 hours.

Bridgett said...

Is there an after-after party for those of us that don't make it in the 150? That would be tits.

dustyfloors said...

Can you imagine the commentary track if this is turned into a DVD and there is a commentary track. Holy shit. That thing would be major!

Toto said...

it's so depressing...

to quote brand new : "Do you believe you're missing out?
That everything good is happening somewhere else"

yeah i know, shitty band... anyway... i'm going for a walk, fuck you, fuck all of you.

Toto said...

the funny thing is that i won't even get the original dvd of the show because we only get metallica and rihanna dvds around here...and maybe the offspring. oh, and once i saw a sum 41 dvd in a store, but that was way too punk for me.

Eric said...

dude if you guys mocked the trio with the priest costume it HAS to be THIS priest costume

http://lorrigan.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/Vicar1-279x300.jpg

balls yo said...

drew, sickie, toto...anyone else who can't go...like me. We can have a support group chat session here in the comments section while everyone else is at the show??? no? could be just as much fun, right?

Bridgett said...

@Eric: Two of them could dress like priests and the third could dress like a little boy. Or vice versa.

Drew said...

Beex... new songs fucking rip man!

http://www.soyamilkzine.net/?page=band

Drunken Acorn said...

Fuck I wish I could be there but I spent all my money on condoms, anal beads and male prostitutes. See ya in AZ in two weeks YAY!!!

Robb said...

Sorry for doubting, I should have known you'd have filming covered. I hope they're HD cams so we can enjoy your chin sweat in "jaw-dropping 1080P" on an upcoming blu-lazer disc, which will be "fucking ruined--why would you do that?" when placed in a non-HD toaster, as explained to me by a knowledgeable best buy employee.

Jerky said...

In europe we normally get pissed if a band plays only for an hour.... anyway, I'm really glad you're filming this. And still sad I can't make it. I really considered flying to Chicago from Switzerland just for that Show... but I just don't have enough money :(

Well, Arms, Socks, enjoy tomorrow night, I'll spend my time being depressed about missing something really great.

PIXI said...

I can't believe you shaved! Man, I'm getting more excited about this show by the minute. I don't know how I am going to sit through a 4 hour lecture on Economics tomorrow morning. It's bad enough as it is without knowing that in a few hours I'll be seeing TLA.

jsin1981 said...

O.K. cool. Filming the show.Nice. Now I'm not as pissed for missing the show. Hope we get as good a show out here in hollywood.

Maximilian said...

jerky.... we got a swiss dude up here? french or german? probably both cause you swiss dudes are way more awesome. we should totally annoy everyone by speaking german if you do. and get brendan and the guys to come over here.

Mark said...

I'd love a blowjob, Banana. I'll be there.

Mary said...

I get hot just thinking about it...

Kyle said...

Cannot wait, I cannot wait for tomorrow, when is everyone getting there, I was thinking 3pm

Mark said...

I'm leaving Crystal Lake at 4ish. I work until 4 though so thats the earliest I can go. Doors are at 6 right?

Bridgett said...

Damn I thought you people were all talking early like, noon. I got nothing better to do with my day.

Mark said...

If I didn't have work I'd go earlier. Isn't it supposed to rain though?

Blake said...

Everybody loves a Nick Manning soundboard!

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/413505

Robb said...

Sadly the thing that bothers me most about missing this extravaganza is that thing where you get mad because you know that at least a certain percentage of attendees will be those kids (mostly female; let's be honest) who don't necessarily understand/appreciate the significance of a TLA 10 yrs show but rather are mostly there because it's the big punk rawk show of the weekend and that's where you are if you're a cool kid in a major city. Goddamnit. Oh and whoever mentioned a wedding earlier - yeah, me too. Fucking relatives.

Robin Yourgrave said...

In all actuality I'd say this is more important than any wedding. One woman's opinion, though.

A. Wickstrom said...

i'm more than excited for this! pissed i'll miss out on the colored vinyl... i'll have to settle for the black!

Seeing you guys again is going to be amazing! see you in a few hours!!!!!!!!!! by the way, i'm comming from Michigan. MAKE MY DRIVE WORTH IT!!! haha

Jerky said...

Maximilian: Ja ich spreche deutsch, Französisch auch, aber nicht wirklich gut :)

And you? Are you from around here? And yes, we really need to convince BK, Chris and Neil to come to Europe again!

Corbin said...

I agree with you Robb about the diversity of the crowd. Obviously everyone who was able to obtain a ticket has the right to be at the all-ages show. But still, I think all attendees should have to pass a TLA quiz (minimum score allowed ~95%) and has to know the secret "Skull and Bones" type password (obviously the password would be "FELCH"). I mean, we have to have some standards. So while I'm recovering from surgery with the help of my friend Percocet, I hope the show is a blast. And if anyone wants to send me a get well gift, one of the colored vinyl 7" would be great!

Also, remember if you are close to the stage, keep your mouths CLOSED during Brendan's ball sack bass solo. Flying pubes are not a toy and could possibly maim anyone in the first 3 rows. And who wants to be "that guy/girl" who is blind in one eye because of a wayward rocking pube, even if it is from Brendan? This has been a public service announcement brought to you by the letters B and J.

Sophie Nicola Evans said...

i was one of those kids from england!