Tuesday, March 16, 2010

it was the heat of the moment

I’m looking for inspiration around the internet to find something to type for you people. Here’s what I got.
In Hawaii there’s little boys that are raised like little girls (called mahus) that are kind of holy and they kind of have this chicks with dicks situation that is reflected in a lot of pacific islander culture even as far west (or is it back east) as Thailand, where chicks with dicks rule the roost, so to speak.
Personally, I find nothing interesting about chicks with dicks. Well, that’s not true. I find the notion that people get born into the wrong bodies to be one of the most tragic and eternally fascinating things that happens on this planet. I mean, what a fucking drag. Born into a body that’s not your own…sheesh. That’s the worst. And, I know that the internet has blunted people’s general ability to distinguish, understand and digest sarcasm so let me just say overtly that this is not sarcasm, kay? Okay. Good. We’re clear. Nicely.
I mean, do you know what the process is to go about getting a dick turned into a cunt? It’s brutal. They cut off your dickhead, scoop out your shaft, invert everything, put the head back on as some sort of clit and then just kind of hope for the best. That’s not cool. It’s, in fact, terrible. Now, I’m sure that my version here is an oversimplified retelling of what a m/f sex reassignment is like, but if it’s even REMOTELY like this, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!!!! That’s not something you do because you don’t like your parents or you’re bored or Guess doesn’t make the jeans you like in a mans cut. That’s serious “my soul is tortured and I’d rather mutilate this improperly assigned body and get a half assed version of the one I want then go on another day like this” type shit. I’ve never felt that. You? Probably not. Thank god. I mean, born into the wrong body. That’s a fucking serious kick in the fake pussy, right? Fuuuuuuuuck.
Now, that being said, the mahus are raised as girls from the time they’re born and ascribed a sort of holy status so they’re not tortured souls…well, maybe they are. I gotta imagine that’s pretty a pretty weird way to get started in life, raised as a woman but being male. Call me old fashioned.
Here’s the thing. Gender bending is cool to me. I’m into it. I like drag and I like feminine dudes and masculine chicks. I think it’s alright. It’s groovy. Whatever. BUT, I can’t help it, sex change situations kind of gross me out. I can’t look at buck angel and not be disturbed. I can’t look at a dude with tits (or a ‘chick with a dick’ if you feel that’s a more apt description) and not be just kind of put off. It’s not an intellectual thing…like I said up above here, I couldn’t feel worse for someone who has to deal with that kind of self evaluation and subsequent series of choices, and lord knows I’m not here to judge anyone. Fuck. I’d probably look GREAT with a couple of DD cups swingin off me, but I can’t. I’m a prude. I’m a Midwestern boy with a low threshold for weird, I guess, because tranny shit, the surgical stuff, mind you, not the cosmetic stuff, really, really really kind of freaks me out.
I knew this dude in highschool. He was gayer than Christmas back then and he went on to become kind of a ladyboy, and good for him. Glad he went for it. Really. BUT, the day I saw him at the L and L tavern and he asked me if I wanted to see his “new titties” that he’d grown by taking some sort of hormone cocktail, I kind of lost my passion for the “I’m going to just love and be down with everyone” game. And it’s not that I’m not down with this dude’s choices. It’s not that I think any less of him. It’s that his pill-induced new tits are just fundamentally gross to me. Sorry. I’d be disingenuous if I said otherwise. It’s not a cultural or learned thing. It’s a fundamental gut thing that I can’t help. He also mentioned that I’ve aged horribly, but I don’t think that has anything to do with my revulsion at his tit set, do you? I mean, I’m the first person to admit that I’m no me at twenty two, but is that really an issue when you’re face to face up against some cokehead’s gross overgrown hairy man tits on display, chemically altered to be something other than what they were sort of genetically designed to be (mental state of the host of the body notwithstanding).
Like I said, good on ya, trannies. Fer real. I’m sorry I can’t go all the way to the hospital with y’all, and I’m sorry there aren’t better options for ya. Though buck angel looks pretty good, really. And there was Tula. Remember her? No. Of course you don’t. You’re just kids. Your trannies are probably all gorgeous. This whole thing is probably gonna be so dated so soon when scientists figure out one or two things regarding fake cocks and cunts and all that.
Well, enjoy your brave new world. I, for one, can’t wait. Because I’ve grown up with these trannies all around me my whole life (my childhood neighborhood was, no shit, the ‘tranny hooker’ zone in Chicago in the 80’s when I was living there) and I think I’m a little traumatized as a result.
Okay. That’s all.


Hamilton Martin said...

I googled Buck Angel at work and have now spent the past several minutes wiping my hard drive. Not to mention the mental scars involved. thanx beex

Showtyme said...

I binged Buck Angel, and was thoroughly disturbed by it. Shit's pretty wild.

planespotting said...

It's OK to think something that someone else does is gross - even if seems perfectly natural to them.

What's not OK is to think that those people are bad or something worse. It's even worse to suggest that people who you think do gross but personal things that have no affect on anyone else but them should be banned from doing it. (Obviously, Brenden thinks neither of the last two points).

But anyway, there are literally billions of people in the world who think that for some reason because they think something is gross or "not natural" that no one should be allowed to do it, even if it's a personal choice for one person or among multiple people who are of a legally deemed age to consent to their actions.

Personally, I think that two dudes having sex is gross. But that makes sense, because I'm not gay. I like the ladies.

But I'm totally cool with gay dudes, and gay ladies, and am happy that their place in society is more and more accepted, because that's a hell of a lot easier than being gay while trying to act straight (just ask any vehement homophobe).

Likewise, I would also never ask a doctor to somehow fashion a vag out of my penis. I don't want one. But, if someone feels that strongly about doing it to themselevs, who am I to stand in their way?

PIXI said...

I've never seen Buck Angel, but I heard him on the Jason Ellis show. Just listening was disturbing enough.

Anonymous said...

I have many "tranny's" (is that even politically correct) at my school. They're pretty kewl and all, as far as people go. But I know what ya mean when you say it's gotta suck when surgery is better than living in your "normal" body one more day. Cuz some, SOME, get really bad surgery done and one can't tell wtf happened, car accident, depleted uranium, whatever. And to bad surgery, on top of all the emotional and mental side effects, must really blow. And who the fuck uses bing?

Anonymous said...

Showtyme said...
I banged Buck Angel, and was thoroughly disturbed by it. Shit's pretty wild.

March 16, 2010 8:11 AM

Candice said...

I can't believe how many of you didn't know who Buck Angel is. You are socks! I expected more from you.

Then again, I spent last night watching midget porn so maybe I'm the weirdo.

goofoffartiste said...

Ah, but what about GYNECOMASTIA?

Anonymous said...

You took the words right outta my mouth and sounded like less of a dick than I probably would. Mazel tov.

Candice said...

I have participated in a gynecomastia surgery. I think most people want that treated if insurance covers it although the idea of surgery is kinda scary. If I was with a guy who had larger tits than me, I'd feel pretty inadequate.

Mark said...

Buck should get vajazzled.

goofoffartiste said...

I'm pretty sure insurance rarely covers it, since it's not (physically) detrimental and is medically considered cosmetic.

I have a minor case of it, residual from adolescence (doctor said it should go away, but it only lessened). Only noticeable in certain contexts. Maybe more now because I've gained some muscle underneath it. I'm a fairly skinny guy, so it either looks kind of weird or like I'm slightly out of shape depending on how you look at it. Certainly no where near as big as my girlfriend's. I'm not sure if she cares or really notices that much. I do, but I haven't figured out a way to bring it up to anyone that doesn't make me seem vain or whiney. Particularly growing up male and punk, this sorta shit isn't supposed to bother you. So I've just sorta lived with it and learned how to hide it, more or less. There's also the issue of cost.

But, yeah. If there were an easily financeable, non-invasive way to get rid of it, I'd do it in a second. No questions asked. It's embarrassing, to say the least.

Maximilian said...

"He was gayer than Christmas back then"

i laughed so hard when i read that.

and i had to google what that gynecomastia is.... i think i maybe kind of have that too, but just... slightly?

Candice said...

Send me pics. Let me diagnose you!

Maximilian said...

well, if it stays the way it is i don't really care about. but maybe i'll post some nudes for you in the other drawer.

Banana@1000MPH said...

Beex has mentioned Buck Angel and posted a picture of him/her in place of a picture of Joe McMahon on this very blog, you guys should have been scarred for life much sooner than right now.

Misty said...

eww, trannies...gross. BEEEEEEEEEEX sign my gross freckled tittays!

James said...

Hey BK, I have been reading your blog since the up and go and never thought I would be writing in for some advice, but I desperately need some....

Alright, here goes nothing.

I have been with my lady for somewhere in the neighborhood of 8 years now. She is pretty kick ass in that she doesn't mind my drinking, swearing, masturbating etc... oh, and she likes sex, so there is nothing to really complain about there. She can come off as a bitch at times, but who cant.

So we have talked about getting married before but I have always backed out because, to be frank, marriage scares the shit out of me. We do not live together now, we did for a little while but I moved back home when funds became a little low.

Well, the marriage talks started up again this last month or so and we have even gone so far as to pick out the ring she wants as well as tell a few friends that we are really going forward with this. Now I am freaked the fuck out again and do not know what to do. I have thought about slowing this shit down but I know if I do she will be gone (because I have pulled this before) and I am not sure that is what I want.

A little background regarding our situation. I am 25 and she is 24. We both make decent money. We started dating when I was senior and she was a junior in High School (thats right, High School).

What do I do? Am I just being the worlds biggest bitch? Seeing as you are married I was hoping you may know what I am going through.

Thanks BK.

- James

P.S. Sorry if my grammar is shit, I have no time to double check this.

Bridgett said...

1) I've been saying "gayer than Christmas" for years, and when I say it, people look at me like I just killed a puppy. I'm glad I'm not the only one.
2) Where's the shameless promotion of your EP? I forgot it came out today.

Tim said...

Saw this and instantly thought of your Cuba Gooding / Mike Tyson post. Its a preview of Tysons new reality show on Animal Planet where I guess he races? pigeons. He says he has been doing it since almost as long as he has been breathing.


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