Thursday, May 21, 2009

excavation

The last three nights I’ve been out until eleven or twelve, practicing with my fake band and drinking beer. This is the only time that we can all get together and practice. For me, a daddy, this is late. I’ve also been having nightmares. I had a dream at around five forty five that I was laying in bed with my wife and it was about five forty five and there was a giant centipede on our bed crawling towards me. After that, I was pretty much up for the day. I want to just relax and hang out with my old lady because she’s going out of town this weekend, but I can’t, because by the time I get off work tonight my parents will have just gotten into town. SO, it’s not stopping. I’ve got the show on Saturday (THE FALCON!!!! WOOOO! LIVE! AT! REGGIES! IN! CHICAGO!) I think it’ll be cool. We’re gonna play a new song that’s called “spit shining shit” which I think is a pretty classy title. Come out. The next night is the busiest night of the year for drunk dickheads and I’m gonna be bartending. I love making jagerbombs ten at a time. Love it.
You know, back when I was constantly on the road, and I’m talking about before we made any money, back in the early days of the Lawrence Arms we used to live like bums. We never showered, we slept in our van or on floors and once every couple of days we’d buy a package of American cheese and a loaf of bread and we’d eat cheese sandwiches for a few days until that ran out. Once in New Jersey, we found a twenty pack of microwaveable bean and cheese burritos for five bucks, but usually it was cheese and bread. When we WOULD watch TV, it was always in a large group and the chances of it being something I was even remotely interested in were quite slim. I feel like it was mostly sportscenter and wild police chases and shit like that.
Usually, we would sit on barstools or on the floor, or in our van. Comfortable chairs and/or couches were rarities, mattresses even more so. And god, we smelled terrible. And it was fun, sure. We had a good time, but this isn’t one of those wistful memories of stinking and suffering and loving every minute of it, because well, for one thing, that’s kind of boring, for another thing, it kind of goes without saying that we liked it or we would have stopped…I mean, it was self imposed, you know? Nah, I’m just remembering the fantasy I used to have back then. I remember that on the days when I was the most homesick, or just sick of being on the road (because in those days I had no residence) I dreamed of taking a hot shower, stepping out with my skin still red and tight and wrapping myself in a fluffy robe, sitting on the couch, watching Conan Obrien (back then, he was still really funny), holding the remote control myself and getting a blowjob. That was the dream. That was EVERYTHING I wanted in the world. Clean skin, a comfy place to sit, control of the tv, something worth watching and of course, the beej.
I don’t know that this ever happened. In fact, I’m pretty sure it never did. I never owned a big, white fluffy robe. Sigh.
We went to the Modern Wing of the Art Institute yesterday and it was amazing. I have pictures of my baby in front of some of the greatest paintings and sculptures of the last hundred years. Super cool. I recommend it. The zoo was okay, but they were out of Polar Bears and Zebras by the time we got there. Lame.
I think I’m gonna end early and play some guitar before I head to work. Sock drawer, how you holdin’ up down there? Good. Uh…I dunno, get out there and live, or something.
xoxoxoxoxox

20 comments:

Dax said...

I'm getting out there and seeing Propagandhi tonight! Yeeeaaaah! You know you're jealous.

J said...

Brendan, man, don't ever move to New Mexico. You know that nightmare about the giant centipede? THEY EXIST. Girlfriend one time put on a sweatshirt in the morning, and one was sleeping in the sleeve. I caulked the shit out of every crack in the apartment after that.

Everyone, have a great day.

John F. said...

@J

That sounds fucking terrifying. I thought the house centipedes that people I know around here in Boston (not me, thank god. Knock on wood.) get in their showers were bad.

Scott said...

Brendan...i am starving for some new music to listen to. Any suggestions? Other than the Menzingers...what else has got you tapping your foot?

bert said...

i used to live in hawaii and they are infested with centipedes on the north shore of oahu. anyway, i went to see tsol play a backyard beach show under a tent a few years ago and some asshole was putting centipedes on everyones back. i felt some thing itching my next and imagine my surprise when i found out what it was. ugh. still creeps me out.

christa! said...

I live in Boston and I've definatly had my fair share of encounters with centipedes...I heard Allston has a pretty bad problem with bed bugs which I actually find significantly more terrifying...eeeeewwwww

monkeyman8889 said...

I honestly would still be excited to find a 20 pack of burritos for 5 bucks.

Sickie27 said...

For some reason I read "centipede" and thought "caterpillar". But centipedes are sooo much more scary. Ever seen the video of the centipede eating the mouse? You probably should. Everyone needs to be scarred for life from that video.

Eric said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CL2hetqpfg

this one? haha

myassisapipebomb said...

One time I came all over a centipede...am I sick? No. I'm just hanging in the sock drawer.

Saulio SBJ 123 said...

myassisapipebomb, the 2 aren't mutually exclusive.

planespotting said...

Whoa - a seemingly non-sexual comment from Sickie!

I was waiting for you to talk about the video where the centipede blew on your ankles or something.

Sean said...

brendan, why don't you ask your wife to help you fullfill this life-long dream?

wat's the worst that could happen?

Robb said...

Do a split with cobra skulls

Seagull Steve said...

The island I'm living on right now has Guam Centipedes. They are super venomous and gigantic. I woke up with a good 5-incher in bed with me once and it scared the shit out of me. Definitely a nightmare-worthy creature.

Eddie said...

i still think conan's funny.

Joshua said...

i kinda miss the days when you guys toured around all smelly, too. seems like only yesterday i stumbled upon a shitty little band called the lawrence arms? at an alkaline trio show. in anaheim. and the opener was terrible. he was the guitar tech for green day on the pop disaster tour, i found out after. man, those were the good ole days. back before you got all big league and started a blog. it was a lot easier to get into trouble with you guys back then too. oh well, screw you, hollywood kelly. heh.

kylewagoner said...

I'm very jealous of Dax, but I saw them a few months ago, so I'll live.

Hopefully one day, the thought of touring and sleeping on people's floors will be boring to me, too. Or hopefully it won't and I'll be content doing that for the rest of my life, but that's doubtful. I just wanna get out there and do that shit!

3 wisdom teeth said...

these are the days...they always have been.

planespotting said...

Those non-stop touring days were fun - a friend of mine watched tv in a group with you at TLA's 7th show @ Gabes Oasis (now known as The Picador) in Iowa City - it was the Simpsons, of course.