This weekend was great. The falcon show was off the proverbial heezy (are kids still saying off the heezy? I don’t even know what a heezy is…a hook? I think it’s a hook, meaning that I’m essentially saying [in weegro] ‘off the hook’ which was, if I’m not mistaken, a colloquial turn of phrase from my college years. SO, regardless, probably a little dated now, right? Anyway…) and afterwards I went to the International Men of Leather gathering at the Metro where I hung out shirtless with 1300 other shirtless men. It was pretty great. My friend Katie was there too, notable for having the only vagina in the whole place (unless someone had one in their handbag or something, psycho murderer style).
All in all, great times were had by me, even though I really fucked up my fingertip and some girl called me a ‘total douchebag’. Whatever, right? I’m not here to NOT be a total douchebag. Uh, anyhoo…
Okay, so I was rummaging through the Sock Drawer looking for some good content for today, when I came across this little query for advice:
Im working on my senior thesis project for my degree in music industry at drexel university and im writing/presenting about booking agents and bands experiences. I'd love to ask you like 4 or 5 questions and use your quotes in my presentation, if you can please drop me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org it would be suchhh a big help. keep on rockin.
Oooookay. Where do I begin here? There’s just so much going on, I’m not entirely sure what tack to take. Well, fuck it, let’s start at the top. You’re doing a little presentation, right? Involving a little bit of research, yes? Okay. Good. Here’s a little bit of research you’ve already jumped right past…My name isn’t Brandon. I actually am a little bit amazed that you could get all the way to the comments section of my blog and leave a comment and not somehow stagger across my actual name. It is, in fact, just by the way, spelled brEndAn, which is, not to belabor the point, a whole different name. I’m actually looking through the sock drawer and noticing that my name appears just four comments above yours, RIGHT THERE on the same page. Oh well. Honest mistake. For the record though, nothing too pro about asking someone a favor and getting their name wrong right in the same breath. I mean, I’m a swishy Hollywood type, man. I need to be coddled and told how great I am, and constantly referred to by my properly spelled, properly pronounced name, you know? Look, here’s another hint, booking agents, band people, they NEED validation in the form of being properly addressed. If you’re gonna do a presentation about bands and agents, you should DEFINITELY put that in there. You can even use that quote, if you want.
Next, if you want me to help you, YOU should really be the one doing the work as far as facilitating contact. Don’t ask me to email you on a public forum. It’s laziness. It doesn’t look good, Cleff. It just doesn’t. Besides, what would I say in the initial email to you? “Hey Cllif, Brendan here. Just email me over those questions now. Thanks.” You see how odd that shit is, man? It’s just awkward, and frankly, it’s not my job to ask for the work I’d be doing for you. I’m not doing that. I can’t. Too awkward. Next time, what you should do is click the link right here on this page that leads to my email, and email me something like this:
Hey dude, I’m doing a presentation on rock bands and agents and shit for school. Would it be cool if I sent you a couple of questions to this email address?” That’s how you get people to do you favors, man. Keep it simple and easy. I mean, as it stands, I’m seeing a guy who is going to have a terrible research presentation because even his preliminary research has been, I think we can agree, up to now, pretty sub par, AND this is the same guy who wants me to email him and provide him with the majority of the content for said presentation. Clifff, buddy, I don’t think I can move forward in this partnership. Sorry. It’s just not a project I feel confident in, bro.
Oh, and finally, if you’re gonna elongate the word “such” to emphasize what a great help it would be if I wasn’t instead just being kind of a dick, you should really go with “Suuuuuuch” instead of “Suchhh.” I don’t have any idea how you even pronounce a series of repeating H’s, but yeah, kinda odd.
I hope these answers help. Good luck out there, man.
I was gonna write a whole thing about how coolness is underrated, but I’ll save that for tomorrow.
Oh, and Cliff, I’m fucking with you. Just send me the questions and I’ll help you out. Sheesh. Don’t cry. Good game. See you in the showers.